Activities with the Kids

As I analyze my life which I'm sure all of us do, I frequently come back to the fact that I always seem to be trying to avoid doing activities with my kids.  I'm not talking about taking them out to the park or to the zoo although I could probably do a better job at getting out more, I'm talking about doing things at home with them.  I probably fail in the educational department.  Lily learned her ABCs by watching YouTube videos (Hurray for the IPAD and educational apps!).  Over the past few weeks I've been pouring through homeschooling websites and getting some new educational toys and activities that I think would be fun to do with the kids.  Now that they are getting older their options for educational play are more diverse and less droll.  I really don't do well with ages 1-2.  Chloe is still a challenge as her mental stage is very elementary and the activities I enjoy doing with Lily are too hard for Chloe.  (Such as preshcool workbooks, reading lessons, coloring (chloe eats the markers and crayons still, but she is getting better at this), cooking, crafts, puzzles and such.  But I did find some fun educational toys for Chloe that we played with today and Chloe just loved it.

Source

Lily had a hard time not taking over of course.  Anyway, I found a really awesome blog

http://www.confessionsofahomeschooler.com/

They have a lot of free downloads, but I have gone that route before.  I have tried to put together a sort of curriculum to do with the kids, even making folders and pulling activity ideas and worksheets from other blogs and trying to throw something together to have an educational component to the day.  It usually lasts a grand total of three days.  What I really like about this site is that she offers an actual Preschool curriculum, completely planned out, with lesson plans, and all the printables you need.  There are some things I will need to get and of course preparing the lessons will take time.  But it will be organized, and I won't be lost, and I won't be trying to re-invent the wheel.  The whole program is only $15 (of course once you factor in costs of printing and laminate that goes up) and I think that it could be invaluable for me and the kids.  Give us a sense of structure, make feel like I have more purpose and that I am actually being constructive and interactive.  The lessons is a 26 week program that teaches the ABCs.  You use the book Chicka Chicka Boom Boom as a companion throughout the program and I already put our coconut tree up on the wall.  The kids seemed pretty interested (at least in grabbing as much tape as possible).

For free handing it and having Lily put up the trunk of the tree, I thought it turned out pretty good.  As you learn the letters you put them on the coconut tree just like in the book.

So what does all this have to do with weight loss?  Really not that much, what it has to do with is living life, and that is exactly what I am trying to do right now.  I'm trying to live to the best of my ability, and find meaning and purpose.  I'm trying to be the best person I can be, I'm trying to stop stress eating (which was sooo hard tonight), stop binge eating, be happy, and think of other things besides food. 

Sunday

Ahhhh, Sunday.  My nemesis.  Today I did really well until 7:30 at night.  Normally I'm not a late night snacker and I don't usually eat after dinner.  But today we had leftovers and I ate at the usual time and my husband opted to eat much later (at 7:30pm) in which he asked me to heat up his food for him.  I should have known better and stayed out of the kitchen.  But since my only jobs in this house are to make food, clean and take care of the kids I kind of feel obligated.  Besides that he likes it when I get his food ready for him, and it's one way I can show him I love him so I don't mind doing it at all.  It's just that tonight as I was heating everything up for the second time.... the cookie jar was right there!  And I ate three cookies I wasn't planning on eating.  Then we had to sit down and I had to feed Lily too who also follows her father's eating habits (she is exactly like him in so many ways it's crazy).  And then I had to finish off the bag of chips because there weren't many chips in there.  And then of course Lily wanted a treat and she wanted Easter candy so I ate a few of those little Easter chocolate eggs.    *angry face at self* If the family had just eaten together this wouldn't have happened.  But it did, and as far as Sunday's go, it's pretty tame. 

Usually I eat 12 cookies, chocolate chips, and just about anything else we have on hand.  I am really trying to choose healthier and gain more control.  I have been reading on Ronisweigh and I love her philosophy of letting go of being perfect and just trying to be better every day.  Permanent change is slow and progressive.  That's how I want to be.  Slowly making positive changes that I know will stick instead of trying to rapidly diet down to a dream weight.  If I can't sustain the weight loss why go through the pain of trying to lose it?  Best to do it right this time and break out of the yo yo dieting cycle, find out what my eating patterns really are, try new things and constantly make changes, constantly strive to be better.  Here is a link to Roni's post about letting go of perfection.

http://ronisweigh.com/2013/06/5-ways-ditching-perfect-has-made-me-happier-healthier-and-more-successful.html

Taking the Plunge

Sorry about the long gap in between posts this last week.  It's just been kind of a blah week and my husband took the lap top to work with him almost every day.  This past week I've been keeping up with my workout schedule but my eating has been way off the chart.  I just need to get my head on straight, buckle up and start living right.  I feel like I did pretty well today.  I didn't track my food because right now just thinking of tracking calories makes me cringe, but I ate healthy and I tried to eat more veggies and fruit today.  I got in a ton of activity today and I hope I don't feel like I'm starving tomorrow which can often happen after a very active day.  I did have one victory today that made me feel awesome, my sister has successfully lost the weight that she was wanting to lose, and she has stopped tracking and has maintained her habits and stayed focused on eating healthier without bashing or insulting herself or resorting to extreme measures or dieting.  I am glad that I was able to coach her through this difficult time in her life, all the while my parents are flabbergasted at how she has managed to lose weight eating as much as she does.  She is an incredibly active teenager!  She needs food!  She just needed to cut out all the extra junk food and sweets she had picked up from the holiday season and focus on eating all her meals instead of snacking all the way through school and coming home starving to eat the first thing in sight.  I am so psyched that I was actually able to help her through this critical time in her life.  Too often this whole issue attacks teenagers and sends them into a terrible cycle of yoyo dieting and hating their bodies.  It turns from wanting to loose a few pounds into something mentally and emotionally exhausting and damaging.  But I'm probably preaching to the choir, so I'll move on.

Today I took the plunge and signed up for my first triathlon!

I'm actually going to do it!  I printed three of these confirmations out and I'm putting one on the pantry, and one on the fridge, and then probably one over by the cookie jar ;-)  I need to stop snacking on junk and stop eating so many sweets and eat real food and eat healthy too.  I just started researching nutrition while training for a triathlon and I came across one article that had a few interesting points.  It's from a website called triathlon.competitor.com and the article is called 9 nutrition rules for beginner triathletes.  A few of the interesting rules they posted were #2. Eat Carbs, every day with most meals and always before and after workouts.  I bring this one up because so many diets tell you to cut carbs and eat low carbs, but when you are training for performance and exercise carbs are a must.  #3. Eat 2-3 fruits and 4-6 veggies.  Not really a surprise but I was surprised at the veggie recommendation.  Six servings of veggies!!!  I'm having a hard enough time with two.  Lets see... If I get a serving in with every meal and every snack that will be five.... I'm going to have to start getting more creative with my vegetables.  #5. Recover right.  Consume half a gram of carbs per pound of body weight and 15-20 grams protein within 30-60 minutes after training or races.  Interesting fact, especially because many weight loss plans tell you to wait 1-2 hours after working out before you eat to maximize calorie burn.  #6. Follow the 10 percent rule.  No matter what your nutrition and health goals are, 10% of your daily calories can come from splurges or treats.  This keeps your treat guilt free but also within your nutrition budget.
Ahhh, if it were only that easy!  Keeping my sweets within 10% of my calories is like 170 calories.  That's not even two cookies.  And that's the problem, I can't stop eating sweets!!!!  I don't know what to do with them.  I can't ignore them, I can't have them occasionally or I will binge on them.  Maybe I need to move to having a little bit every day.  See how that works out.

Well, you know what Dori Says.  "Just keep swimming"

 

A Letter To Myself

Dear Me,

I just want you to know that I do not regret my decision to stay home with my children.  Yes there are times when they stress me out, and when they drive me crazy.  There are times that have been very difficult financially and emotionally.  I know I have complained many times as I have struggled through my challenges.  But I do not regret my decision to get married when I did.  I do not regret choosing to stay home and raise my children instead of letting a daycare raise them for me as I seek after another career.  As a mom to my kids I am loved, and my kids need me more than any other paying job I could invest time into.  My work may not be as prestigious as I had once dreamed it would be, but it is more important than any other work I could do.  As the leaders of my church (LDS) have taught "No other success can compensate for failure in the home"- David O. McKay.  I am doing exactly what my religion teaches its members they should do.  If you have the means, and ability then women should stay home and rear their children, and raise them in righteousness.  The man and the woman are equal partners in marriage and they have different rolls.  The husband is primarily responsible for providing protection, and financial support and the wife is primarily responsible for nurturing children.  (This is not saying that men should not be involved in their children's lives, men still need to be a father to their children).  My husband works enough for the both of us.  My life may not have turned out as I thought it would, it turned out much better.  I am proud of my decisions, I am proud of my accomplishments and the progress I have made in learning to eat and live healthier.  Most importantly I am HAPPY, and now I know I am happy.  So dear self, get out of my way, stop thinking about the past, stop hating me, stop saying that I am useless and fat and worthless because those things are lies woven to ensnare me in the net of misery.  I am not going to be bound by those lies anymore.  I am beautiful and deserving of love.  I do work hard, I have made progress, I have purpose and meaning in my life and yes I am happy.

Changing Habits

I have identified three things, or habits, that I need to change that keep getting in my way.  I am trying to work on living in a more normal way instead of dieting all the time.  If you have been following my blog you probably know what these three destructive habits are: 1. Emotional Eating  2. Eating too many sweets 3. Binging

So for the past year or so here is what my weeks usually look like
day 1-good
day 2-good
day 3-good
day 4-okay
day 5- too many sweets
day 6-binge
day 7-binge
week 2 day 1- too many sweets
day 2-good
day 3-good
day 4-good
day 5-good
day 6- too many sweets
day 7-binge
week 3 day 1- binge
day 2-too many sweets
day 3-good
day 4-good
day 5-good
day 6- good
day 7-too many sweets

and the cycle goes on and on.  That is the cycle of if I am trying to be good.  If I am not trying to be good then usually every day is bad, too many sweets or binge.  Pretty pathetic and it's no way to live.  Since I "got back on track" my weight has been doing something along the lines of this: lose 5 pounds, gain 3, lose 4 pounds, gain 7, lose 5 pounds, gain 2, lose 4 pounds, gain 3.  And on and on and on.  Not very productive.  And it's no wonder.  I can be really good for a while but then it catches up to me and by the end of the week my calorie deficit I worked to establish has been blown out of the water and now I have a calorie surplus.  If I can manage to be good for a couple weeks then the binging just lasts longer.  Say I'm good for three weeks, that usually constitutes a week of bad eating on week 4 most days being me eating everything in sight. 

So I am trying something different.  For now I am not tracking.  I am eating more food during the day.  Yes I know that I am eating more, but the idea is that over the week hopefully I will be eating less than I was before.  I am hoping that by allowing myself more food throughout the week, the desire to binge will be lessened and I won't eat 3,000 extra calories in one day.  The other thing I am doing is avoiding desserts.  I know that this is a trigger food for me and often eating just a little bit of something sweet can cause me to lose control and then I eat more sugar and more and more and more.  Which also affects my moods, and my energy levels for the next several days. 

And lastly stress eating.  I am working on recognizing stress triggers (not surprisingly mostly related to my kids) and saying "okay, I want to eat something sweet right now because the kids have been fighting for the last hour, not because I actually need something to eat".  Eating more throughout the day this past week has helped me not feel so desperate for food during stressful times.  It has also lessened my desire for sweet things because I am not as hungry, so my will power to resist candy and desserts is stronger.  When I was tracking everything I would not really feel satisfied (okay I know about the whole "satisfied vs full" thing and how your perception can get messed up.  So maybe I was eating all I really needed to but I still didn't feel satisfied I was still marginally hungry.  I could definitely eat a lot more food).  Not feeling full made it much harder to resist temptation.  When you are hungry you want to eat!  Makes sense to me. 

If I can change these three habits I think I will be on my way to a new way of life.  Making real lifestyle changes.  Once I get these three under control I will see where that has taken my weight.  I am hoping that my weight will stabilize.  As of right now my dieting patterns are all I really know.  I don't know what my natural food habits are because all I do is be good or be bad, and I'm tired of all that.  Once I feel like I have made enough progress on these habits, I will identify the next habits that I need to change, and slowly, through changing my habits I will get to where I am meant to be and to a place I am happy and comfortable with.  Then maintenance won't be so hard because I will just be doing what I am doing.  I will be living a more natural life instead of trying to force myself to conform to dieting rules. 

Now, changing these habits is not necessarily going to be a walk in the park.  I have had to say no to brownies, and brownie batter, Easter candy, eating extra food after dinner, snacking, and saying no when I realize that my hunger is emotional not physical.  I will also have to be able to stop myself from binging in the future and continue to gain strength to resist seemingly appealing food (such as desserts) that I know will cause me grief.  I am still working on making healthy choices, I am still tracking my habit changes in my way of life app, still working on getting in more fruits and veggies and most importantly eating them in a way I like to eat them.  You can only force yourself to do something unpleasant for so long.  I am not a big fan of vegetables, but there are some vegetables I really like, and I do like to eat them certain ways.  Today I made an awesome Green Smoothie out of a green naked, protein powder frozen mango, splenda, and spinach.  The Green naked added extra calories (I usually use almond milk) but it also added more vegetables, nutrients, and flavor.  The splenda added just the right amount of sweetness to make my healthy smoothie seem like a dessert.  Even Lily ate it this time. 

Liveable and Loveable.  I can do this! 

I feel like I have made a habit out of exercise.  Even when I think of not trying to lose weight I can't see myself stopping Zumba.  Or quitting my 10k training app.  I have actually been enjoying my 10k training app, and soon I will start triathlon training.  Lets see where this gets me.  I'm still planning on weighing in and taking measurements once a month to track my progress.  However what that doesn't track is my mental and spiritual well being.  Honestly I would rather stay 150 pounds and be happy and live life more effortlessly than be 120 pounds and be miserable, terrified to eat, and dieting my way back there every day.

Beautiful For Me

This is a great song by Mercy River that I've been listening to a lot lately.  It's called "Beautiful For Me".  I love the message that it sends which is you are beautiful no matter what you look like.  I love the line "Has anybody told you, you're beautiful.  You might agree if you could see what I see."  I just focus so much on what is wrong, that I don't see the good. 

This morning Matt decided to take Lily out on a hike just the two of them, which I thought was a great idea.  He is so busy and gone a lot and I love when he can spend time with the girls.  They definitely need it.  So he went off with Lily and of course Chloe was jealous, so I took her to the park in the wagon and we had a great time just the two of us.  I really wish we could spend more one on one time with the kids, but Matt's schedule just doesn't allow for that right now. 

At the Park

The cosmic forces of the universe must have heard my decision to let go of all the emotional baggage I have been carrying because today was a very stressful day.  The kids were both incredibly moody.  We did have a good morning, although getting the kids to eat breakfast and get in the car to go the the gym went less than smoothly.  It was my first day back at Zumba and we had two new songs which was great!  I wish our instructor switched up her songs more.  I love the songs she plays but it seems we do them a lot and there isn't much variation.  I was very excited to be back at Zumba though.  After Zumba I needed to finish up day 3 of week 2 of my 10k trainer program so I went onto the treadmill with my new Altra shoes!  They worked like a dream.  They made running on the balls of my feet very easy and seem natural, there was no struggle to try and keep my form like there was when I was wearing my Asics.  My feet felt so comfortable and my blisters didn't hurt at all.  (They are almost healed but they were twinging during Zumba).  So a big thank you to Katie over at runsforcookies for recommending the Altra Paradigm shoes.  I absolutely love them.

After we left the gym was where everything started going downhill.  Chloe has been skipping naps lately.  She is in that awful stage where if she takes a nap she won't go to bed until 10pm and if she doesn't take a nap she is super cranky and moody all day.  She skipped her nap yesterday and she decided to skip it today too.  The kids watched Finding Nemo but of course were fighting over who got to sit in my lap most of the movie.  I hate that.  I ended up saying no one could sit in my lap.  After the movie Lily wanted to go to the park so after Chloe ran around the house like crazy and smacked herself in the eye with her milk cup, and then ran her head into a wall, each time resulting in major tears, we finally got shoes, socks, and jackets on to walk to the park.  Lily wanted to ride her bike, and then fell off of it which resulted in more tears.  Chloe then decided she was going to get out of the wagon and walk which is a lot slower than Lily riding her bike.  Lily got ahead and when she got close to the part where you need to cross the street she nearly killed herself.  I told her to stop three times, which she pretty much ignored.  Fortunately the cars in the street were paying attention because she darted out right in front of them.  I of course was behind a ways keeping tabs on Chloe.  Lily stopped about midway through the street and I put Chloe in the wagon and went to get her.  We turned around and went home.  That is not the first time she has not listened, and crossed without stopping or looking, it's just the first time there were cars in the street. 

So we went home, both kids throwing a tantrum and Lily went to her room.  I went in a few minutes later and we talked about stopping at the street and waiting for me and looking for cars.  Hopefully I finally got through to her, but she is only 4 so one can only hope.  That put a damper on the whole rest of the afternoon and both the kids were really cranky after that.  Lily kept pestering me to go to the park or to a friends house and kept throwing fits when I said no.  Neither of them ate the dinner I made, although Chloe did eat green beans and hummus so I guess I can't complain too much.  It was a very stressful afternoon but through it all I never felt the need to eat.  The past two days I have been focusing more on eating food to fuel my workouts and give me more energy, so I have been eating more, but of good food.  I haven't eaten any sweets although I have wanted to.  I think I am going to make a rule of one treat a week, and it has to be a reasonable size.  Not a whole batch of cookies or a whole giant bag of candy.  I really think it's the sweets that destabilizes my mood.  And of course when I eat a bunch, I keep wanting it so it is a hard cycle to break.  Which is why it usually takes 4 days to break out of it.  Anyway, back to emotional eating.  I ate my snacks, I ate my meals.  I ate pasta for dinner, and I felt better exercising.

My brother is one of those annoying naturally skinny people and I asked him if he wears a fitbit because he likes to run and I thought he might be into tracking his steps and all that.  His response was "I don't count calories, I just eat as much pasta as I can and then go run".  Well that answers that question!  Fitbits don't count calories, they count steps lol.  But the second part both intrigued me and annoyed me (Totally not fair he can eat a bunch of pasta and remain stick thin).  My brother has never really liked sweets.  He was always the one who didn't eat all of his Halloween candy or Christmas or Easter candy.  We usually raided his stash after ours was gone.  He isn't big on desserts and in general doesn't really eat them.  I am sure that plays a huge factor into his whole natural thinness.  He eats what makes him feel good, what fuels his body for the days activities.  (Okay, he is also a guy and he eats what is available.  Which means when no food is readily available he just won't eat instead of going in search of food.  That is how he lost the freshmen 15 instead of gaining it, he ended up in a dorm room without a meal plan and then didn't eat anything but rice a roni every now and then.  When we were growing up, unless his food was prepared for him and placed in front of him and he was told to eat he would just skip meals, I don't know how that happens!  His brain is totally wired differently from mine). 

That was totally a tangent I wasn't planning on taking!  Haha!  Anyway, the point is this: I have decided to let go of my emotional baggage, and so even though today was more difficult, and stressful, and Lily scared the crap out of me.  I didn't stress eat.  I didn't emotionally eat.  Now this is only the first day so I suppose take it with a grain of salt, but I didn't even feel the urge to shove my face into the Easter candy and not emerge until it was gone.  I did chew some gum when I was feeling hungry around 4pm and it wasn't yet time for dinner. 

When I have a few seconds to think, I am trying to focus on the feeling of peace, of letting go, and of embracing my life and myself with all my flaws, strengths, weaknesses, and beauty, and just not let all the other STUFF get in the way and make me upset.

Letting it all go

My thoughts have been pretty scattered today, or in other words I have been thinking about a lot of different things today.  The past few days I have been in a slump.  I've written about my energy cycles but I am not sure if I mentioned specifically that along with the energy crashes come mood swings.  It makes sense really.  If you are full of energy you are usually perky, chipper, happier, and ready to get things done.  If you don't have any energy you tend to be cranky, moody, depressed, and ready to sleep all day on the couch.  (and by "you" I mean "me").  So the past few days I have been pretty down on myself.  I've been in one of my energy slumps, which apparently was not cured by exercising less.  Now I'm wondering if it is caused by excess sugar consumption.  Anyway, I've been thinking about my path in life.  My past, my present, and future.  I never wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I was always planning on going somewhere, doing something.  I wanted adventure (possibly the side effect of reading too many fantasy novels).  Nothing ever seems to turn out quite like I plan.

I'm no good with little kids.  I discovered that about myself when we went to Korea and had to teach English to kindergarteners.  They don't do what you tell them to, they don't listen, or sit still.  It's hard to get them to participate in activities.  Many times the activities they want to do grow weary after the 10th time of doing it.  Little kids never stop moving.  They tax my energy, they are messy and like to make messes.  They are needy and demanding.  They challenge your authority, whine, cry, throw tantrums, won't go to sleep.  It takes longer to go places, and you can't stay out as long.  Their attention span is short, and a whole host of other things I could go on and on about.  Young children weary me.  They tax my patience and wear me down.  Some people seem born to be a stay at home mom.  They thrive on the energy of little kids.  But me it seems, there is no way to get me angrier and crankier faster than to throw me into a room of little kids and tell me to do something with them.  It stresses me out.  Being a stay at home mom is very stressful for me, and over the past few days I have been ruminating on how different my life is because of my choice.  Part of me longs for a life of paid work.  Part of me longs for a life of adventure.  Sometimes I wish I had chosen to go to school in Hawaii, in another state, done a study abroad, gone on a mission.  Lets not even mention all the places in my own country I haven't been.  But when Lily came along and both my husband and I were looking at going back to school, something had to give.  Daycare is too expensive, and there is never a good time to have kids when you are working.  I chose to stay home because it was the best thing for our family.

My point in writing this is not to complain.  What I realized in all of this is that I can understand why my mom chose to work.  She thrives on work, and like me, young kids are not her forte.  Perhaps I inherited that from her.  The past is in the past and I can't change it.  There are many good things going on in my life right now and I know I am blessed.  Sometimes it can be hard to see the forest through the trees.  The day will come when we get to travel, the day will come when my kids won't be so young.  I've never been good at that whole sit back and enjoy the ride thing.

My 10 year high school reunion is coming up in August.  Thinking about that and the way I was in high school.  I always wanted to be the pretty one, or the popular one, but I was the nerdy one.  I was a band geek and I definitely liked my friends there.  Then the thought came to me: I hated myself in high school.  I wasn't good enough at anything.  I am perfectly normal.  Perfectly average.  I never excelled at anything, always winding up in the middle of the pack (unless we are talking athletics, then I was always at the end of the pack).  I thought I was talentless.  I wanted to be really good at one thing, but I never was.  Just average.  I was then, and I am now.  I don't have any spectacular talents that will blow you away.  I can't sing, or play an instrument in a way that will make you cry (unless you cry because my singing is so bad).  I can't draw, or do calligraphy.  My hand writing looks like chicken scratch, I am not good at building things (I can't even build things out of legos), creating things, I'm not great at chemistry, math, my spelling is terrible.  I'm not an actor, dancer, computer programer.  I don't participate in talent shows because I don't know what talents I would show off.  I never thought I was anyone special.

Perhaps...... It's time to let all that go.  Let go of the self hatred, let go of regrets, embarrassing moments that happened more than 12 years ago.  Because I'm right.  I'm not someone that the world would see as special.  I am normal.  I am average.  I'm just me.  I may not be someone special to the world, but I am special to the only people that should matter.  I am special to my children.  I am their mom, and I am the only one of me.  I may not be the most natural stay at home mom but maybe it's time to let that go too.  Let go of the doubt, let go of the fear, let go of the anger, let go of the frustration.  I just want to be happy.  Happy with myself, my accomplishments, with who I am and what I do.

I'm not talentless, I'm just not so good at something that I get world acclaim for it.  I can play the flute, cross stitch, crochet, knit, cook, and blog!  My blog is the perfect example, I don't get recognition on any sites for being one of the best weight loss bloggers of the year.  Does that mean my blog is worthless?  No it doesn't.  I don't need to be the best, I just need to do my best and recognize that I am doing what I can.

Let go of all the negative feelings so that the good feelings can get in.  Love yourself more fully so you can more fully give that love to others.  I love my children and I do not regret choosing to stay home with them.  There truly is no other job on this planet that could stretch me, challenge me, and cause me to grow more than what I am currently doing.  It is time to let go, and to embrace this moment, this life, and realize that I'm not as terrible as I make myself believe.  I'm human, I make mistakes, I struggle, but I can overcome, and I can look to the future with hope.

Easter, Energy and Exercise

Last week I feel like I did a pretty good job of tuning into my energy and listening to my body.  I did eat more than I would have liked but for every day (with the exception of Sunday) MFP said I would still be losing weight.  Monday was the day I was crazy busy, Tuesday I ran then swam and came home and promptly passed out.  It was my first day of my 10k app and I'm not used to running and especially not adding swimming onto the end of that and I swam farther than I ever had at one time before, so I'm not surprised I was so tired.  Wednesday I did day 2 of my 10k app and then tried to swim but was too tired, so I decided to listen to my body and stop exercising.  Thursday was a rest day, Friday I did Zumba on the Wii and I had a great time and my back didn't even hurt!  Saturday I finished week 1 of my 10K app and then continued on the treadmill at a fast walk and made up my time on Wednesday for a total of 4 hours of exercise last week. 

Yesterday was Easter!  I wish I could say that I was good and stayed within my calorie range, or even within 2,000 calories.... but I pretty much just ate and ate because there were cookies and candies available and no one to stop me.  So my calorie count was *cough* 3,803 *cough*  I'd weigh something like 167.8 if I did that every day for 5 weeks.  I felt so sick last night though so I don't think I will be doing that again soon.  My one victory is that I actually tracked everything.  Usually I just say "whatever, I know I'm over so what is the point?"  Well I actually tracked (even though it was mostly me trying to remember what I ate at the end of the day and every time I remembered something I put it in. I think I got it all though, some of it is estimated but that is better than nothing).  I put it all in around 5pm (we had an early dinner it was lunch/dinner combined) and it gave me enough motivation to not eat anything for the rest of the day.  I could have continued to eat candy and junk through 9pm but I stopped eating when I saw how many calories I had already consumed.  So that is one plus of tracking everything you are eating.  Also I now know how bad this holiday was, my goal is to make the next holiday not so bad.  It's progressing slowly, but it's changes that I know I can make.  The next holiday is at the end of May: Memorial Day and that is just a BBQ, not so much candy so the calories won't add up quite so fast.  There isn't really another sweet holiday until Halloween so I have no excuses for a good 7 months. 

 Chloe was too excited about the candy in her Easter basket to pull things out of it for a while.  But I bought her an Easter Dora The Explorer DVD, and two Dora T-shirts, you can see she is wearing one of them in the picture below.  Lily got a Dora DVD too and also some clothes: frozen shirt, mini mouse shirt, dora shirt, and some shorts.  She was much more excited about the items in her basket than Chloe was.  After the excitement of the candy, Chloe became more interested in her items too.

 Chloe on the Easter Egg Hunt in our backyard! The kids had a blast, Chloe was so excited about finding an egg that she ran into a tree branch because she wasn't looking where she was going.  Poor girl.  She recovered pretty quickly though, her basket was full of eggs by the end.  Almost as many as in Lily's basket!

Lily in the front yard looking for Easter Eggs.  Lily was so excited for today, she has been counting down the days all week.  I think she got way overstimulated because she threw several tantrums but she still had a good time doing all the activities.  Matt made an interesting comment when he said "as soon as we finished all the planned activities for the day Lily's behavior vastly improved".  Which is true, after we finished the last activity of Dying eggs she was fine the rest of the day. 

We had a great day, and today I am determined to get back on track and not let the holiday ruin my whole week.  Which is another added bonus of tracking because I know how many calories I ate yesterday and I have to face that number, and I don't want today to be high as well.  Most of the time I struggle getting back on track because I just don't track anything and I feel less accountable.  Not today!  I hope all of you had a great Easter Weekend!

Weight and Measurements

I meant to post this yesterday but I got behind when my husband took the laptop to work with him and then I just forgot to catch up.  But no harm done.  I did my official weigh in and measurements yesterday for the start of my experiment.  I wasn't as bad as I thought I was.  I was hoping to be at least 155 since my eating has been up and down over the past two weeks and I weighed in at 154.2.  So I only gained 1 pound over the past few weeks and I'm fine with that.

Weight: 154.2
Body Fat: 33.8%
Muscle: 55lb
Water%: 48.3

Waist: 34 1/4 inches
Hips: 40 1/4 inches
Chest: 34 inches
R Arm 11 1/4 inches
L Arm 11 1/4 inches
R leg 21 1/2 inches
L leg 21 1/4 inches

If anything I'm surprised these numbers aren't higher, most of them are fairly similar to what they were before.  But just so you know here are my measurements when I was my smallest. At 144 lbs and at week 7 of Turbo Fire
                  Week 1              Week 7
waist              34                   32 3/4          -1 1/4
hips               40                   38 1/2          -1 1/2
Abductors      40 1/4             39 3/4           -1/2
chest              35                  34 3/4           -1/4
R. Arm           11 1/4            10 3/4            -1/2
L. Arm           11 1/4            11                 -1/4
R. Thigh        21                  20 3/4          - 1/4
L Thigh         21                 20 1/2           -1/2
weight         151.7               144.2             -7.5
  
My measurements are pretty close to the before turbo fire measurements and I'm 2 1/2 pounds heavier now.  I think everything matches up pretty well and is as expected.  No real surprises here.  Lets see if I can make any improvements over the next month

Habits

Your habits make you who you are.  They give you the body you have, and have led you to the place you are currently at in life.  Change your habits, change yourself, change your body.  I am stuck where I am because I have been largely unsuccessful at changing my habits.  I haven't addressed them since I have just been focusing on dieting and up until now I have just been stuck in the whole dieting mentality and the whole idea of dieting.  How did I break out of it?  Honestly because I was so sick of dieting!  I didn't want to do it anymore, it took up too much space in my brain.  I was tired of worrying about it, tired of always thinking about it.  I just want to live!  The word "diet" has gotten so much negative feedback that the word has been changed to "lifestyle".  However, I wonder how many people like me have just substituted one word for another.  They say they are going on a lifestyle change but the treat it exactly like a diet.  A lifestyle change is not just counting calories and exercising.  A lifestyle change is making permanent changes to your life that you plan on living with.  Or in other words: changing your habits.

I have been stuck because I have not changed my habits:  good and bad.  In order to get healthy, be active, and reach a good weight you have to add good habits and get rid of bad ones.  I have been using the app "Way of Life" to track the habits I am trying to either add or get rid of.  I have decided to start small and try to build up to where I know I should be as I accomplish the easier versions of good habits.  Here is the list of habits I am trying to develop or change:

1. Positive thinking- I've talked a lot about this over the past several posts:  I have set an alarm to remind me to think of something positive that has happened three times a day.  I have also added writing down something I am thankful for and writing down one good thing about myself or one thing I am proud of myself for that day.  Hopefully over time I will begin to dwell on more positive things throughout the whole day and also develop a greater love for myself and my body.

2. Pray in the Morning- spiritual development.  I'm really good about praying before bed, but I have always struggled with morning prayers.

3. Drink 3 cups of water- One of my biggest weaknesses.  I want this to get up to 9 cups of water but I'm starting slow.  Drinking 3 cups of water every day is a huge challenge already

4. Eat three servings of fruit- fruit is easier for me than veggies so I'm going with the full three servings a day

5. Eat two servings of veggies a day- half of what you are supposed to eat in a day but again, starting slow, this is already difficult to do every day

6. Read scriptures 10 minutes a day- spiritual, again a challenge

7. Track every day- It's hard for me to track every day.  I usually make it 4-5 days a week.  I would like to track even when I don't eat well

8.   Stop emotional eating- my nemesis.

9. Exercising- this is on here to remind me not to over exercise, and to try to develop a healthier relationship with exercising and manage my energy throughout the week.

When I drink water, eat my fruit and eat my veggies I am less likely to binge.  Again also hoping that managing my exercise better will reduce food cravings.  So you can see that a lot of these things are all things that can be done while dieting, my focus has just changed.  You have probably heard the word "tools" before.  When I listened to successful people talk about how they lost weight, they would refer to tracking as a tool.  That is something I never understood until recently.  Yes, tracking is a tool.  It is something to help you on your journey to a healthier life.  It is something that helps you see what you are eating and can help you know how much to eat so you can change your habits to eating less and eating better.  It's a tool that helps you change your habits.  The things we use to lose weight: Weight Watchers, My Fitness Pal, Spark People, Fitbits, Heart Rate Monitors, Gym Membership, etc.  These are all the tools that we use to help us change our habits. 

Instead of using these tools to compliment my way of life I was using these tools as my way of life.  Letting them rule my life, being a slave to the whole calories in vs calories out equation.  In listening to the half size me show, I have noticed a recurrent theme.  People who are successful at losing weight and more importantly at maintaining their weight loss have found a way to incorporate these tools and the changes they make into their life.  They have found something they can do day in and day out without it feeling like a strain, or a pain, or that they are being deprived.  They talk about changing their habits.  Especially people who started out very heavy.  They talk about cutting down on fast food, adding a short walk, starting to cook at home, making a choice that is healthier than what they used to do.  They change their behavior.  They don't necessarily go on a diet.  They work to make changes in their life.  They still slip up, they still have bad days but they feel like they can continue on their path.  There is something more than just a pants size at the end of the road.  There is improved health, longer life, a more meaningful life.  I know I will still have good days and bad days, but hopefully the bad days won't be so bad, and there will be many more good days and hopefully I can stop kicking against the pricks.  Stop railing "I am so sick of dieting and losing weight! I just want to be done!"  Because when coming up with a way of life you never are done living, and you won't want to go back to your old bad habits because you will love the improved, healthier, happier, more energetic you.  You will love your new way of life because you worked to make improvements at the foundation.  Long lasting changes, not superficial changes.

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