limbo

 The good news is I haven't gained any weight. The bad news is I haven't lost any weight. According to my fit bit which monitors my heart rate all day I am burning a little over 3000 cal a day. I've been tracking my food over the past several days on my fitness pal just to see what my in take is and it's hovering around  2000 cal a day. Which means I have about a deficit of somewhere around 1000 cal a day so I should be losing weight like crazy. However I am not and you can imagine how frustrating that is. I did go into the doctor to get my thyroid checked but I have not heard the results back yet. I kind of feel like I am in limbo I don't really know what to do at this  moment. I am sure you can imagine how incredibly discouraging it is to have such a large calorie deficit but not to lose any weight. And I am not willing to go back to eating only 1200 to 1400 cal a day just to lose weight. Because I know that is something that I cannot maintain. Besides I would rather fix a health issue than  treat the symptoms . I signed back up for the gym because Chloe has been asking to go and I think it will be good for her, and my husband thinks it will be good for me and I am excited to go, but I have those doubts plaguing me right now and i find myself wondering "what's the point?"
Hopefully I will get some answers soon. I'm at my whitts end and am about to give up and just accept the fact that I am going to remain fat for the rest of my life. But I'm holding out until I get my blood work back. Until then, I will remain in Limbo

Week Two of TF

It has been crazy over here, and I keep forgetting to post.  Our internet was down for a few days, we were having problems with our router and so we bought a new router and it wasn't working so we bought a modem and router combo and then we found out that there was an internet outage in our area, so that was a headache and probably a lot of money we didn't need to spend.  (we were planning on replacing the router, just not the modem but oh well it probably needed to be updated too).   Ahh, first world country problems.  I supposed I would prefer that over other problems.  A few days ago, I woke up feeling really bad about myself, and feeling fat and puffy.  So I went and bought a new outfit since all my shirts are too tight because I never bought new clothes while gaining weight. 

Chloe got a new dress too because she grew out of one of her favorites and was completely devastated. 

Starting at week 2 of Turbo Fire I weighed in at 177.  Not much of a loss, but still a loss.  Speaking of slow weight loss, I'm getting my thyroid checked on Tuesday as I suspect myself of having hypothyroidism.  Since I've been tracking my cycles, I have discovered I have almost every hallmark symptom of hypothyroidism, even down to unexplained miscarriages.  I looked up some non female reproductive cycle specific symptoms and they include sensitivity to cold, constipation and weight gain.  That would be a check, check and check.  If I do have hypothyroidism it would explain why it is so hard for me to lose weight and why it's so easy to gain.  (If I don't have it then I guess that's just the way weight goes, which I'm pretty sure is true anyway).  I also called my mom and it runs in my family.  So anyway, that will hopefully be enlightening. 

I've been sore from my workouts, but I've been feeling good.  I've had more energy since focusing on whole body health.  Eating healthy, working out, getting chiropractic care, taking a daily detox.  My mood is stabilizing, and I'm not crashing every day at 1:00, and my energy has been a lot higher.  Even during the last few very stressful days I'm proud of myself for not trying to make myself feel better with food.  I said "food isn't going to fix the problem" and tried to do something else to take my mind off things. 

That's about everything, so have a great weekend and I will check in again soon.

Turbo Fire Round 2

We had a great Labor Day weekend up in the mountains.  We went to the ranch for the last time this year.  It was the first time I've ever been where I haven't pigged out on junk food.  I stuck to the Paleo guidelines and actually didn't eat anything off plan while I was there.  Despite the cookies and cream cake and the popcorn that was available, I declined both knowing that I would regret it in more ways than one if I indulged.  The cake was full of dairy products and would have resulted in a massive stomach ache which I am none too eager to experience again.  I am proud of myself for how I ate this weekend.  It wasn't perfect.  I still snacked on too many nuts, but who cares?  I didn't binge and I didn't even eat anything off plan while we were there. 

I know I am making progress with my relationship with food.  Yesterday was my first MOPS meetup and there was a whole buffet of food.  I didn't know there was going to be food there, so I had already eaten dinner.  One month ago it would have been the perfect excuse to pig out.  There was a lot of good looking things there.  Last night, I didn't eat anything because I wasn't hungry.  I grabbed a water and that was it.  I don't feel like I missed out, there is going to be food at every event and last night I genuinely didn't want to eat anything.  One thing my body is finally coming to realize, that my brain always knew but my body didn't because either I was starving myself by only eating 1200-1400 calories a day, or I was feeding myself too many sugar loaded processed foods which wreak havoc on blood sugar and your satiety hormones, is that the world isn't running out of food.  At least not where I live.  Food is readily available, and it is ok to pass up food if I am not hungry or don't really want it.  There will always be next time, and I certainly know where to get more food if I need it or want it.  I'm excited for the changes that are happening and I think that for the first time in my life I am truly on my way to food freedom and having a healthy, balanced relationship with my food. 

I'm on day 2 of Turbo Fire and I'm loving it.  It's really tough right now and I'm doing most of the moves modified on low impact, but I'm still sweating like crazy and getting a good workout in.  I'm sore today which means I'm building muscle.  That's one thing I love about Turbo Fire is that it is a cardio workout but you still build a lot of muscle doing the program.  Not as much as a weight lifting program obviously, but with all the punching and kicking and jumping and abs that goes on in the program, you can't help but build muscle.  It's amazing how just a few days of working out at a higher intensity as improved my mobility.  I feel like it's easier to move around now, just from moving my body more during my workouts.  Today I did Fire 40 and my feet always go numb at the end of that workout, and today they didn't!!  They were tingling a little bit, but they didn't go completely numb.  That means my chiropractic care is working, and I'm totally stoked about that. 

Hopefully things are on the up and up for me now.  I still have my struggles, such as dealing with this current bought of infertility, and I have no idea how long it will last, but while it does, I'm taking this time to fix my health and trying to be patient.  All things will happen within the Lord's time. 

The next goal

This week has been going well in the food department.  I don't really have a lot to say.  I'm trying to make sure I have no more than one "off plan" or non paleo food a day.  Monday we went to BJs and I really wanted the California sourdough sandwich.  So I had them remove the cheese and the bread was my only non paleo food I ate (I can't vouch for the mayo and bacon on the sandwich).  Tuesday I had one glass of soda, and Wednesday I had some Beef Jerky that had some non compliant ingredients (mainly brown sugar).  All in all, I think it's been going well. 

I've decided on my next big goal, or main focus.  Something to keep me going in the right direction.  I really want to go skiing this winter, since I can't seem to get pregnant at the moment I might as well plan on not being pregnant this winter.  I missed skiing last winter because I was too overweight and out of shape to go.  I don't want that to be the situation this winter.  My knees are feeling better, so I'm going to try to do Turbo Fire.  I did the starter class yesterday and it kicked my butt.  However it felt really good to workout hard again.  I have no desire to workout 6 days a week however, so I think I am going to take the shortest workout day (some days are just the abs workout and stretching) and make it a rest day.  5 days a week is much more doable, and I don't want to hurt myself.  I think sticking to a paleo diet and doing Turbo Fire is going to be a good system.  That will ensure I get the energy I need for my workouts, while improving my cardio skills and building some muscle as well.  (And of course it should be a good combo for weight loss.  I have to lose weight to fit back into my ski clothes). 

Lastly, I did step on the scale this morning and there were some interesting changes. While my weight is pretty much exactly the same as Sunday, my body fat percentage went down by .4 and my muscle mass was up by 1.5 pounds.  What does this mean?  It means my scale stinks at getting accurate measurements of body fat and muscle mass.  I didn't gain 1.5 pounds of muscle in four days, and the only reason why my body fat percentage is down is because of the change in muscle mass depicted on the screen.  I just wanted to throw that out there, since it puts some of my final measurements into perspective.  The lesson is, I'm not going to rely too much on what the scale says, rather go based on how I feel, how my clothes fit, and my measurements.