The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Well I guess I will just go in that exact order.  First for the good.  I finally finished all the cross stitching and back stitching for Lily's stocking! 

I'm going to the fabric store today with my mom to get the lining and the backing so we can sew it all up.  We probably won't get around to actually sewing it until sometime next week since this weekend I have two birthday parties and a Christmas party on the schedule.  We are celebrating Lily's birthday on Saturday.  She is turning 5!  She is super excited.  We ordered her a castle cake and bought her some princesses she has been asking for and we will put them on the cake so she will have a princess castle.

I guess now it's time for the bad.  Well let's just cut right to it then.  I had a miscarriage last weekend.  It was absolutely the most miserable and horrifying weekend of my life.  I have been pretty fortunate all my life.  No one that I am close to has died.  All four of my grandparents are still alive, both my parents, all my siblings, I've never had any friends die.  I have been fortunate up to this point.  But now I can no longer say I've been untouched by death.  I was pretty early in my pregnancy, I hadn't even announced it on the blog.  I was debating whether or not to even say anything on the blog, but then I decided that my blog is about real life, and this is a part of life.  Also, how am I going to write anything without mentioning how I really feel inside and without writing about what I am really going through.  I was 9 weeks along, and I was feeling pretty good.  My morning sickness which usually hits around 6 weeks didn't hit until 8 weeks, and was more mild in week 8 than what is normal for me.  I suppose now I know why.  I've heard that if you don't get morning sickness it can be a bad sign.  I know all the statistics, I know how 1/3 of pregnancies end up in miscarriage, how 70% of miscarriages are due to chromosomal defects, how each miscarriage is usually an isolated event.  However, it doesn't lessen the pain of the loss.  We were very excited to be expecting our third child.  The baby would have been born at the beginning of July, and I would have had all July to recover before Lily went back to school.  The kids were super excited.  Lily really wanted a little brother.  When we told them the baby died, Lily cried and was really upset for a little while.  They seem to be doing better now, secure in the fact that we can try again later.  In fact, Chloe keeps telling me "it's ok mommy you don't have to be sad, you can have another baby in your tummy."  It's super cute.  Now that I'm recovering, my emotions are settling a little bit.  I'm trying to focus on the children that I have and the hope for the future, instead of thinking about the past.  The evening is the hardest time.  When I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep is when I tend to think about it the most. 

And now for the ugly.  With the holidays and the stress I've been under, My weight has increased to 161.8.  Actually I'm surprised it's not higher.  But I'm not happy to be in the 160s again.  That's a number I vowed to never see again.  I need to start paying more attention to what I'm eating and make healthier choices.  Also, since I am no longer pregnant I'm asking for a new exercise program called Cize.  It's from beachbody, and it's a dancing exercise program.  It looks like a lot of fun, especially considering how much I like Zumba.  It's a high intense program like Turbo Fire and you can't do something like that when pregnant. 


Photo from Amazon

I want the delux kit since it comes with two extra DVDs. 

Well I guess that is all the news.  I'm off to start the day.