Friday, July 31, 2015

Worth It

I don't do well when left to my on musings.  I tend to dwell on negative thoughts and it can be very difficult to get myself onto a more positive thinking track.  I've been dwelling on my doubts and wondering if I have really lost much weight, and I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been three weeks.  I am not going to lose 20 pounds in three weeks.  And a lifetime of dysfunctional eating is not going to be solved in three weeks.  I really wanted to snack on goldfish and animal crackers.  That's what the kids were eating.  Around lunch I really had a hankering for Chicken Mole, which is probably not on plan.  I'm not sure how much sugar is in the mole sauce but I'm sure there is some, and it's served with beans and rice anyway so I should just stay away.  I was also thinking that it's been a while since I took the kids to noodles and co. and wanted to go there but they are just going to have to wait because I'm not taking any chances with noodles and co, even if I get the buff bowl where they removed all the noodles.  You never know what is in the marinade.  It will be a lot easier to eat out after reintroduction and I don't have to worry about soy sneaking into my marinade. 

I've also been looking longingly at the scale on the bathroom floor in the morning, but I have been good and I am not going to step on it until I am on day 31.  I am still getting tired in the afternoon but not so tired that I think I am going to collapse.  Today I colored with Lily and we played some board games while Chloe took a nap.  We went to the gym in the afternoon and I swam a mile for my tri practice.  It took me 43 minutes with breaks which I figure means it will take me about 40 minutes without breaks.  I have three more weeks to practice as I'm running tomorrow.  My calf muscles being so sore really threw my schedule for a loop and I just did the best I could.  After swimming I went to a bodyflow class which is like yoga but it mixes a lot of styles.  You have strength, stretch, meditation, tai chi, twists, and the like.  I enjoyed it much more than last weeks gentle yoga class.  I know I need to spend more time stretching, and strength training.  After bodyflow my calf muscles felt good enough that I could finally walk normally again, which is a good thing since I'm running tomorrow morning. 

My brain keeps trying to pull me back into old habits, and it is really hard to ignore.  I try to think about how my body feels in those moments and ask if my body wants to eat cookies and crackers, and it's always no.  My brain just wants to eat those things because that is how I used to reward myself. 

Changing is going to be hard, it's going to take a while, but it is going to be worth it. 

Thursday, July 30, 2015

A moment in time

Most of today went pretty well.  I went over to my friend's house in the morning and stayed for several hours to let the kids play and we chatted.  This is the friend who finished the Whole 30 around the time I started.  She is two weeks after her Whole 30 now and she lost 9.5 pounds during her Whole 30 and then she lost an additional 3 pounds the following week (week 5) just following the reintroduction schedule.  I keep wondering how much weight I have actually lost, and what is really going on in my body.  I haven't weighed myself in nearly three weeks so I'm super curious.  I never wait this long when I am eating well.  I hope I am making progress and I can hit my goal of 145 by the end of the 30 days.  Also I must have spoken too soon yesterday about the dreams because last night I had a dream that I ate a tin of gourmet cheesy popcorn (It's the stuff we get every year for Christmas and it is the most amazing popcorn ever).  I freaked out in my dream after I ate a whole bunch of it and then realized later that I wasn't supposed to do that because I forgot I was doing the whole 30.  I actually woke myself up which was very weird.  I thought in my dream.  "this has to be a dream!  I can't have blown it that bad." And I closed my eyes and woke up.  I have never ever done that in a dream before so I'm not sure if that is cool or freaky, but it does at least show how badly I want to do this right.

I had a moment of weakness in the late afternoon.  I really wanted something sweet to eat, and I wanted something so badly I thought I might cave because my thoughts started sounding something like this:  "This is too hard, I can't do this, there is no point I will never be able to be free of food, I just want to eat a large sweet something!"  But then I remembered that this is only a moment in time, and that in fact the whole day up until that point had been fairly easy to stay on track.  One moment can sometimes seem stretched out and unbearable but when put in perspective it is really just a blip on the timeline.  In a 24 hour period I probably was really wanting something sweet for maybe 10, 30 minutes tops.  It was the hardest 10-30 minutes of the day and seemed like eternity but in reality, it wasn't very long and most of the day was just fine. 

The moral is don't let your day or your healthy eating plans be ruined by ten minutes of struggling.  Remember, this too shall pass, and it is just a moment in time. 

Wednesday, July 29, 2015


Today was a much harder day.  After yesterday's run my calf muscles were super sore today.  I don't usually run with an incline (which presents a problem when you look at doing an outdoor run) and my muscles are now protesting.  So I could hardly walk when I got out of bed this morning.  I hobbled around all day.  However, I still went to Zumba, I didn't have to do many walking motions in Zumba so I was ok.  It was still much more difficult than usual and I didn't work up as much of a sweat as usual just because I couldn't move as well, but that's okay because I had to go swim afterwards.  I am going to try to get in three swims a week between now and August 22nd which is when we are doing the triathlon.  It's a 1 mile swim so I need to make sure to get my practice in.  I think I could maintain a swim for 1 mile but I am terribly slow, and practice will of course only help.  When I started my swim I didn't think I would be able to continue because kicking my feet worked my calf muscles, or at least moved them in a way that hurt.  I never thought about it before but I was sure thinking about it then!  I tried kicking more from my knees to take some of the pressure off my calves and I was able to finish. 

I was terribly tired the rest of the day,  too much exercise probably.  I am taking tomorrow off and then Friday I am going to swim and do a yoga class.  Doing my run outside made me realize just how much work I still have to do before the triathlon.  So I am going to make sure to get in two outdoor runs each week before race day.  Yesterday I had to get up at 5:45 and that actually wasn't too hard surprisingly.  My old blisters have healed but much to my despair new ones seem to be forming.  What is up with that?  Why is it that when I finally get rid of one blister, a new one appears somewhere else?  I haven't had any problems with those spots until the old ones heal.  *sigh* I'm just doomed to have blisters forever if I want to run I guess. 

I had to go to the grocery store today and that was hard.  I hobbled around the store and was pretty tired and grumpy, and the kids were less than stellar.  Chloe was also very tired but I wanted her to stay up so she would go to bed at a decent time.  She has been taking late naps and going to bed at 10pm for the past several days and I need that cycle to stop.  It was the most difficult shopping trip I've had.  All the junk food just seemed to jump out at me and yell "eat me!" And then I had to walk by the giant soda cooler and I wanted a soda so bad.  I tried to put my blinders on and just get what was on my list which consisted of meat and vegetables and some fruit.  I did get to buy scallops and I am so excited to cook them in a few days.  I hardly ever buy scallops but Matt just got his letter that he passed all his comprehensive exams for school and can officially start his internships so I want to make him something special to celebrate. 

When I got home I realized the reason why I wanted to eat everything at the store was because I was hungry.  I had done a pretty long workout at the gym and hadn't eaten anything extra to compensate for it.  So I ate a sausage with some vegetables when I got home and felt quite a bit better.  For dinner I made something new.  It was an Asian ground beef stir fry with cabbage and it was really good.

  Matt loved it.  He loves meat and vegetables so he has been really enjoying the dinners I've been making lately (although I still haven't told him that I'm doing the Whole 30, and no he doesn't read my blog) I have noticed that he is complementing the meals I make more and more.  He loved breakfast this morning of poached eggs and hash browns with peaches.  I made him his toast as usual, but I refrained from eating any. 

I gave Matt the last of the beef stew for lunch and I had chicken salad with vegetables.  I'm planning on going to bed a bit early as I'm pretty tired today. 

I find myself wondering more and more what changes are really taking place, and wondering about my weight and wondering how much I've lost and if this is really worth it.  In the timeline it says this is pretty typical.  I haven't had any dreams lately of eating off plan foods although I had plenty of them during the second week.  The third week must be the week of doubt or something because that is what seems to be going through my mind a lot.  I just have to keep it in perspective.  I can't expect to be at goal after only 19 days.  Besides that there are plenty of positive changes that are occurring that I have already talked about in yesterday's post. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Sleep, Cats, and Stew

The past two days have carried with them their own challenges, stresses, and small victories.  I am still on plan.  I have been able to resist the urges to snack on off plan foods or to eat cookies.  Most of these urges are weak, and don't last very long anymore.  I used to get terrible cravings that wouldn't go away even after days which led to me binging on those foods I was craving.  I am feeling pretty good.  Two big things I have noticed is that I am drinking a ton of water.  Maybe I never realized how thirsty I was before because I drank diet soda, or maybe it's due to poor diet but whatever the reason, I seem to be thirsty all the time.  During the second week my urine was really yellow, but it's starting to become much more clear now which tells me I am finally starting to get hydrated.  I don' t set any goals for how much water to drink a day, I just drink as I am thirsty or if I feel like I want a snack in-between meals I drink water first.  I can't tell you how much I'm drinking as I don't count but I know I'm getting in at least the required 8 glasses and probably more than that, especially over the past two days. 

The other thing I have noticed over the last several days is that I am sleeping so much better at night.  For a while I thought I was developing insomnia as I couldn't fall asleep for long periods of time and I would wake up several times at night and then not be able to fall back asleep.  I'm sure that didn't help with my chronic weariness.  But the past several nights I have been able to fall asleep fairly quickly and even more remarkable I stay asleep!  (Unless one of the kids wake me up but they have been very good lately).  I haven't slept this well in as long as I can remember!  Since before Lily was born for sure.  It's been so long that sleeping through the night has become a foreign concept for me.  Falling asleep and then not waking up until the morning.... Wow!  It's amazing.  I'm feeling better when I wake up in the morning.  I am not so grumpy and sleepy and groggy.  It still takes a few minutes to fully wake up but I feel much better in the morning than before. 

Along with that my moods seem to have stabilized, I don't feel depressed for no reason, or quite as grumpy, I don't get angry as easily as I used to.  Granted it has only been 18 days and I will need to test this for a longer period of time to see if my moods have really stabilized over a long period of time but I am feeling pretty good about it right now. 

My mother in law and sister in law came over today and they were commenting on how amazing I look.  They haven't seen me since the start of my Whole 30 and it was nice to get some positive feedback.  I can feel and see that my body has changed.  My legs seem a little bit smaller, my stomach flatter, and in general I seem to be just a tad bit more compact, which is awesome.  That is more than I have been able to accomplish in the past year. 

Yesterday was a frustrating and tiring day, which may have led to my snacky and sweet cravings.  I had to put down our family cat yesterday.  She has been peeing all over the house for two years and when she peed downstairs for the second time (most of the time she pees upstairs) I said that was enough as she was expanding her peeing territory yet again, and it is getting out of hand and a bit ridiculous and it was time for it to stop.  Matt was very sad as it was his cat but he agreed.  Lily was also quite upset, but being a little kid she doesn't have much say in the matter.  This problem had been going on for two years.  We took her to the vet to get her kidneys and bladder checked, paid for a very expensive oral surgery to get her teeth removed due to a raging bacterial infection in her mouth, bought her a gigantic cat box, and even put her on anti-anxiety drugs all to no avail.  I called all the no kill shelters but no one would take her due to her age (10) and her behavior problems, not even the humane society (they would just take her for euthanization).  So I took her to the vet, the kids said goodbye and we are going to get a paw print mailed to us sometime soon.  (Me personally I'm glad the cat is gone, but I do carry the emotional burden of Matt's sorrow who loved that cat to pieces, and Lily who also loved the cat).  Lily told me today that she wants Pippin to go away and she wants ChiChi back.  I had to console Lily while she had a melt down about missing chichi.  So the emotional level around the house has been pretty high.  I did take the kids out for ice cream after we dropped off the cat as a pick me up.
It was a pretty amazing sundae.  Today was more of a down day, I played my flute, and we stayed home all day.  Matt mountain biked himself into the ground... meaning he biked until he was utterly exhausted.  He still isn't home yet.  I had a good time with family, and took the kids to the park.  I also made a beef stew.
I have never liked stew but I thought that with my change in diet I might as well give it a try.  I got four bites down before I stopped eating it.  I didn't eat anything else for dinner, I had a rather large breakfast and lunch so I wasn't that hungry anyway.  I gave half of it to my mom, and kept the other half for Matt to eat.  Mom liked it so I know it was just me and not the recipe. 

Today makes 18 days, tomorrow will be two and a half weeks through the initial whole 30 program.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Begin week three

Day 16.

Today was a great.  I felt really good today and I was just happy.  It felt good to feel so lighthearted today.  I have come to realize that when I eat well and make good food choices I feel happier just because I know I am doing the right thing and progressing.  I did get hungry in the afternoon but I had a really small lunch and also I haven't been eating as much as the first week and I've been working out a lot.  I ate a jicima and had half of it with guacamole (finished that off, needed to be eaten) and the other half with some almond butter a little while later when I realized I was still hungry.  All I could think about was food, so I decided I had better eat.  And I felt a lot better after I ate too. 

Dinner was exciting because our grill went on it's maiden voyage and also it was my first time cooking on a grill.  Dinner was awesome.  Salmon with grilled vegetables and some avocado and tomatoes and mango. 

Definitely going to be grilling more, it was so yummy!  I just need to get a grill cleaning brush, I had to wash the grates with SOS pads today and that is a huge turn off because it took forever. 

I've been trying to drink more water.  I don't think I'm quite there yet but I'm making progress. 

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Too Big. Too Small.

We went on a hike with the family this morning and the kids did amazing!  Especially considering that neither of them ate much for breakfast.  I've decided that I'm not going to let the kids eat cheerios for breakfast anymore.  Lily was whining and complaining the whole way down the mountain that her tummy hurt and she was so hungry.  All she ate for breakfast was cheerios with no milk.  Chloe took two bites of oatmeal and then didn't eat anymore.  They both were amazing going up but it was tough going down because they expended all their energy and were both complaining about being hungry.  So I have to go back to making them eat their breakfast, because only when they both eat all of their good breakfasts are they pleasant and don't complain about their tummies hurting.  Of course they came home and ate strawberry pancakes for lunch.... Well at least it had strawberries and some substance to it. 

I felt pretty good today, I had plenty of energy for the hike, but I got pretty tired for a while afterwards.  I've also noticed today that I don't look so lumpy on the sides.  I think I look a little thinner, and that was confirmed when my pants started falling off while jumping on the trampoline this afternoon with the kids.  It is interesting because my size 10 pants seem to be too big but my size 8 pants still seem to be too small.  Or at least they are pretty tight and not all that comfortable to wear.  I can button them up but they are really tight around my thighs.  Typical.  My thighs are the last place on my body to shrink.  That is where my body likes to store the fat the most. 

Meanwhile, my appetite seems to be getting smaller and smaller.  I assume it's because my body has now switched over from burning primarily carbs and sugar to burning protein and fat and there is plenty of fat on my body to burn.  I couldn't eat all my breakfast this morning (I ate most of it but left some behind which is unusual), and I ate one zucchini cut into noodle strips with a few shrimp and romesco sauce  for lunch.  It seemed like it wouldn't be enough food but when I ate it I was plenty full.  That just goes to show that my eyes are still bigger than my stomach.  I'm used to putting a lot of food on my plate.  For dinner I had a bunch of watermelon at my parent's house and one Tilapia filet, which the kids ate half of, and a bunch of grilled broccoli, tomatoes, and green beans.
It was soooooo good and my mommy made it for me :-)

It was nice not to have to cook dinner tonight.  I find myself still pretty tired fairly early in the evening, like around 8pm and I'm still sleeping until about 7am when I can.  I am pretty tired if I have to get up before that.  Hopefully I will start being more perky this coming week. 

Friday, July 24, 2015

Large, Medium, Small

So I've come to the conclusion that you crave the things that you eat.  Having cut out every single processed food, along with wheat, sugar, beans, rice and the works I find that lately the things that I really want to eat are meat, vegetables, fats like avocado (guacamole!) coconut, almond butter, and fruit.  Well, I actually haven't had any cravings for fruit which is nice.  But today I made molasses cookies with the kids as the banana bread is now gone and Matt will be coming home tonight lamenting the fact that all the sweet things are gone.  It was also a fun activity to do with the kids.  But I wasn't even tempted to eat the cookie dough, or the cookies.  Not a bit.  I was surprised.  I looked at the cookie dough, the kids were eating it, and I thought "yeah, that doesn't look too good.  I don't want to eat that".  I was surprised at myself!  I'm usually face first in the cookie dough.  Maybe I'm getting better at resisting the urge to eat while baking since this is the third thing I've made... although I doubt it.  I genuinely didn't want any.  It was still a little hard to remember not to lick my fingers just because it is such a habit to do but I am getting better at that as well. 

Another thing I want to mention is how my meals tend to go.  We are always told that we should eat a large breakfast, medium size lunch, and a small dinner.  I never, NEVER could do that before.  If I ate a large breakfast I just overate the whole day because I was always hungry.  If I tried to eat a small dinner I would just go back for seconds because I was so hungry.  It never worked for me.  Especially with calorie counting.  I couldn't say "ok so that is 500 calories for breakfast, 400 for lunch and 300 for dinner."  It just didn't work that way.  Besides, my dinners were usually higher in calories just based on our culture.  However, I have found myself over the past several days eating that way.  I will typically get up and eat a rather large breakfast.  (three eggs with potatoes and other veggies plus a fruit and some sort of fat like avocado, macadamia nuts, or coconut oil).  Then for lunch I will eat a smaller portion, for lunch.  Today I had one chicken sausage with some vegetables and one tbsp almond butter to dip my fresh baby carrots and sugar snap peas in.  For dinner I had leftover tex mex casserole with some guacamole and salsa and a little bit of brussels sprouts/ butternut squash because it really needed to be eaten.  I am using the lunch plates still and I am still staying satisfied until my next meal.  Even when working out I haven't felt the need to add an extra snack most of the time.

I love the freedom with making your own meals.  On the beachbody cleanse I was looking into you have to make the food that they have planned out for you and that is not easy for me to do.  It always seems like they make the most random foods and you have to buy pork and beef and chicken and fish all in the same week and my grocery bill is super high, and there are no leftovers.  I live on leftovers!  I love them because it means I don't have to cook.

Day 14 is done, tomorrow starts official week 3

Thursday, July 23, 2015


Sorry I missed yesterday, I started a post in the afternoon and then forgot to finish it in the evening.

day 12
 I must endure the next several days to get through to the third week.  In many ways this is the hardest part of any change or program.  Enduring the middle and seeing it through.  The novelty has worn off.  The newness of the program is over, I'm still tired, and I really want to stuff my face with sweets.  But giving up now would mean that nothing has changed.  I knew it was going to be hard when I started.  It is going to take a lot of determination.  I am no freer now from the pull of sweets and processed/refined carbs than I was when I started the program 12 days ago.  I think to myself that I'm getting nowhere and that I am not any thinner now than when I started.  While 12 days may seem like a lifetime, 12 days does not undo a lifetime of disordered eating.  If nothing else, eating this was is doing one thing (and you probably know what that one thing is because I've been ranting about it for the past 12 days).  At the very least I am no longer hungry all the time.  I can eat lunch and make it all the way to dinner without having to eat in between.  Without feeling like I'm starving.  I'm still pretty tired although my energy levels are higher this week than last week.  (Last week I was still recovering from being sick.  I still have a little cough but it's mostly gone thank goodness).  Over the past several days my energy has been a roller coaster, peaking and crashing several times throughout the day.  Today I am just tired.  Probably because of my high activity levels yesterday with a hard run and then more running in the evening.  I'm finding myself discouraged today, but I committed to 30 days and 30 days I am determined to make it.  Right now besides not being hungry, the physical benefits are about the same as any other time I've tightened up my eating, started counting calories and gotten back on track.  There must be something about the two week point for me (or week and a half) or maybe I was just so focused on getting past days 10 and 11 I forgot that I still have 2/3 of the way to go.  Or maybe I'm just tired today.  Either way, today is about enduring, and so will be tomorrow and the next day and so on and so forth until what they call the "magic" happens and I really notice my energy levels shoot up, and my body change.  You are not allowed to weigh yourself during your 30 days so I don't know how my weight is responding thus far, but then again... It has only been 12 days and that is not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things.

After the afternoon I felt much better.  From 5- when I went to bed I wasn't quite as tired and didn't have the desire to eat all the things.  I had a snack today of a little bit of ground beef (leftover from hamburgers probably the equivalent of 1/4 hamburger) and some guacamole with some sugar snap peas.  That helped a lot to get me through the afternoon.  We ate late as Lily had dance class and dinner was an interesting casserole with tons of veggies and sweet potatoes on top.  I really liked it.  It was a tex mex paleo casserole, here is a picture. 

Today-Day 13, I went down to my grandparents house because I had some family in town.  I packed food for my kids and myself so I wouldn't be caught unawares.  While we were there my grandma was making spaghetti sauce to go with dinner and she randomly went over to her pot of boiling sauce and dunked a spoon in it and brought it over for me to taste.  Now, strictly speaking I was supposed to say no or find some way out of tasting it because the sauce I know was made from a jar of spaghetti sauce, and I later looked at the jar and sure enough there was sugar added into the sauce.  I figured licking a spoon was not a good reason to get hurt feelings over, and I also figured that licking the spoon wouldn't cause much of an upset in my Whole 30 plans.  So to eat or not to eat that taste.  Technically it was off plan, but also technically that tiny taste isn't going to do much to my goals of healthy eating and losing weight and making healthy habits.  So of course I tasted it, and I told her how yummy it was.  I knew I made the right choice because my grandma beamed with pride and said "boy do I know how to make a good spaghetti sauce!"  (she puts the jar in the pot and then doctors it up with spices and meatballs and lets it simmer for a few hours for flavors to blend.  It was pretty yummy).  Some things in life are just necessary.  If I had said no then I would have had to go into explaining the whole 30 diet on of group of less interested individuals, and then people would have ended up with hurt feelings, or feelings of embarrassment.  Taking a small taste made her happy, and to me that is more important than sticking to the nitty gritty details of the program.  Everything else is still perfectly on plan, it isn't upsetting the rest of the day, or spiraling me off into the abyss of food consumption, or derailing my progress, or triggering a binge.  I'm not using it as an excuse to drop the whole thing because I don't want to drop it, I really want to change the way I eat and I desperately want to lose the weight I gained last winter.

I suppose technically I'm supposed to start back over at day 1 tomorrow because I chose to "eat" (or in my case lick) an off plan food, but I'm not going to do that.  I figure if I am allowed to eat the sacrament bread at church on Sunday, then this is not going to make that big of a difference either.  (The only off plan food it contained was sugar).  Besides that, I'm not planning on quitting at 30 days, but I want to continue doing this for as long as I can.  Maybe 60 days.  I do want to do the re introductory period to check on any food sensitivities I might have, and to be allowed a little more freedom when eating out but mostly I just want to eat Whole 30 for a while, so I can fix my food problems, lose weight and learn how to live healthy and happy. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Past the hardest days

Ready.  Set.  Run!  I made it through my whole run today, even though I had to turn the speed down on the treadmill.  I try to do my running segments at 6mph, but I did the whole second half at 5.5mph which I figured was better than walking or giving up.  I felt pretty good during the run, except that spot where my blister was.  It finally healed and peeled off and I'm sure I'm now just blistering it again, even though I put moleskin on.  I just don't know how to stop that spot from rubbing.  I probably have to change the way I run, which is never a fun thing to do. 

Today was my birthday lunch and I was so excited to get Kamjatang.  I was meeting Matt at the Korean restaurant at 1:00, which is later than I usually eat lunch, but I wasn't too hungry.  I decided not to do a recovery snack after my workout because I was going directly from working out to eating and there wouldn't be enough time in between my snack and my lunch.  (you are supposed to give it about 90 minutes in-between).  Well I arrived right on time and Matt arrived late.  I went in with the girls and I was surprised at how well behaved they were, especially because we sat and waited for 30 minutes for Matt to show up.  During that time I found out that they were out of kamjatang!  I was devastated and wanted to just leave right then and there.  I had been looking forward to it for a week and a half and I was just so crushed.  This was my Whole 30 approved birthday lunch.  The one time I was planning on eating out during this adventure and I wasn't going to be able to get it!  For some reason they were sold out and wouldn't have the ingredients until Friday or Saturday.  Fortunately I had a backup plan.  Not as good as my main choice as I would have to pick out the tofu and the dukbokki (made from rice).  Kimchi Jiige was my second choice but I still looked at every single thing on the menu before settling on it.  Korean food is great but the problem with it is that it either contains rice or... well, lets just say that almost all Korean dishes contain some form of rice.  Which makes it much harder to eat there.  The Jiige soups come with rice on the side, which I chose not to eat.  Just as well because the kids ate most of my rice anyway. 
You can see some of the tofu chunks I had to take out.  After we ordered around 1:30 the food didn't come until 2:00 by which time I was thoroughly pissed off (sitting and waiting for an hour with two little kids will do that to you).  Then of course everyone's food came except mine.  My food came about 10 minutes after everyone elses and I was seriously starting to wonder if the family was going to finish eating before my food came.  As it was Matt took the kids home so I could finish eating my food in peace.  This could have been a good excuse to throw in the towel on the whole 30 but that wasn't really an option for me.  I really like the fact that I am not hungry all the time anymore.

On that note I find myself being more productive in the afternoons and generally throughout the day.  Before the Whole 30 when I was hungry all the time I would try (and largely fail) to do other activities to distract me from being hungry.  Now that I am not hungry I find it much easier to do other activities because I'm not constantly thinking about food.  I'm not deprived of nourishment and I don't feel hungry until right before it is time to eat.  Today I didn't get hungry until 7pm and I had a light dinner.  Although that might have had something to do with my 2:15pm lunch. 

For dinner I found myself really wanting Almond butter, which tells me that my body is really starting to switch over to burning fat as a fuel source.  My mom said that she found she wanted to eat fats (good fats!) a lot more while she was on Whole 30.  Fortunately you get to eat fats with every meal so that's a good thing to crave.  Kind of like craving protein. 

Anyway, I am feeling pretty tired right now.  I took the kids on a walk at 6pm and it basically turned into a run.  The kids ran almost a while mile.  Combine that with my run this morning and I'm just tired.  Tomorrow is day 12 and I can't wait until week 2 is over and I can get to week 3 which is where you really start to see changes in the way you feel, your energy levels, and I'm sure that is where the weight loss really kicks up too. 

Monday, July 20, 2015

Happy Birthday To Me

The best day of the year!  I am officially 28 years old.  Two more years until I hit the big 3-0.  Today as planned I took the kids up to the aquarium.  This morning I scrambled up some eggs in some coconut oil and added the remainder of my sweet potato and russet potato hash as my vegetable side.  I also put a bunch of home made salsa over my eggs.  I was trying to eat up the leftover salsa but failed to use it all, so it looks like there are more salsa and eggs in my future.  Which is fine the only thing is that I couldn't get the onion and garlic taste out of my mouth for hours.  I packed a chicken salad for lunch with vegetables and the rest of the dates.  I made the chicken salad with coconut cream instead of mayonnaise and it turned out really good!  I just ate it plain without any bread and it was perfect as it was.  I only wish I had remembered to bring a fork.  But alas, I ended up eating it with my fingers.  Oh well, no harm done.

The kids were super excited to go to the aquarium.
They really enjoyed looking at all the fish.  Some of the things the kids were really looking forward to were seeing the seahorses, sharks and jellyfish.  However, halfway through the aquarium we saw this!
Mermaids!  Well that stole the show for the kids and they were not really interested in much else after that.  All they wanted to do was see the mermaids.  The aquarium puts on a show about every thirty minutes.  The actors were great, they were doing lots of back flips and spins in the water and I was just wondering how they keep from getting water up their nose.  The mermaids would swim to the top and then back flip back under the water and wave to all the kids and put their hands on the glass, and make a heart with their hands and play in the sand at the bottom.  They had a little skit too that had audio with it.  So the actors would mouth their parts under the water and act it out so it looked like the mermaids were actually speaking to the audience.  It was pretty cool.  They were swimming in a real exhibit so there were stingrays, fish and turtles in the tank with them.  The kids were captivated.

When we got to the end of the aquarium exhibits that is where the sharks were and the jellyfish which we watched for a little bit but I think the kids were getting tired and besides after the mermaids the rest of the ordinary aquatic life just wasn't as cool I guess because they didn't stay very long.  The very last thing was a big pool where you could pet the stingrays, which the kids loved.  After that we found a table and ate lunch.  Right as we were finishing lunch we were in for a surprise:
The mermaids came out for a photo shoot!  That would be a super cool job.  I of course would never be able to do it, those girls were super skinny and were picture perfect mermaids.  No stretch marks or saggy skin and I'm sure those fish tails are pretty snug too.  Anyway, the mermaids were very pretty and very friendly.  I'm glad that they were there because it made the trip just perfect for the kids and so much more magical.

After our photo shoot with the mermaids we hit up the gift shop.  I bought a cute t-shirt, a jacket that was on sale and a Christmas present for my younger sister that has a jelly fish on it and says "Don't be Jelly" (don't worry she doesn't read my blog so she won't know).  It was super cute, I was thinking of getting one for myself but felt it was a bit teen-ish for me. 

The kids fell asleep on the trip home.  When we got home I had my typical afternoon slump, but I managed to stay strong even in the face of temptation.  I did want to eat something sweet after all it is my birthday, but I had already prepared for this so I was ok.  We went to Costco later as I didn't want to do all the grocery shopping tomorrow.  It was a tough trip because the kids were pretty tired.  Fortunately we didn't have to get much.  Dinner was leftovers.  I made some new guacamole out of the ripe avocados that needed to be eaten and filled my plate with leftover sides from my side making mania a few days ago.  We still have two left to eat, but my reserves are getting low.  After dinner the kids watches Cinderella and I played my piccolo.  I'm practicing a song for Christmas.  I had a great time playing even if my ears were ringing a little from the high pitch notes. 

Well, I made it through day 10, and pretty easily but I was way prepared for today.  I think tomorrow will be harder, but if I keep myself busy I will get by ok.  I just have to make it to the third week!  Tomorrow is a run workout, then out to eat for lunch, and I have to finish the grocery shopping.  I really should fill up that propane tank so we can start using the grill.

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Leaving some behind

Day 9.  This day was kind of up and down.  It seemed a little harder to stay out of the sweets but the day went by fast.  We had poached eggs and hash browns for breakfast.  I grated my potatoes with a coarse cheese grater to make shredded hash browns instead of cubed hash browns.  I really enjoyed them that way.  I had some cherries with breakfast.  I didn't get hungry during church for the first time I can remember.  Usually I always get hungry during the third hour (we have church from 9am-12 noon).  But today I was not hungry at all and that was a nice relief.  Usually half way through church I'm starving and I can't focus on what I'm supposed to be doing or listening to.  So it was really nice to not be hungry and just enjoy church.  (Although today I was substituting for the teacher for the CTR 4 class (4 year olds turning 5) which is the same class that Lily is in, so there was an added challenge there.  Not sure how much you can relax teaching 4 year olds lol. 

Anyway, after church I ate some of my leftover sausage and sweet potato skillet with some dates and a few macadamia nuts.  I didn't finish my macadamia nuts or all of the food on my plate.  This is the first time in my life that I can remember willingly leaving food behind even when it tastes really good.  I have been doing much better leaving food behind on my plate, every so often I will overeat but then I adjust at the next meal and eat less because I'm just not hungry.  It is an interesting experience and I am loving it.  It is hard to stay out of the sweet things.  The kids had some m&ms today and I had to stay out of the big bag while giving them their allotted portion.  Also I made chocolate chip banana bread for Matt.  It was surprisingly easy to stay out of the banana bread.  I did have a nasty headache during half the day and I was very tired in the afternoon.  Tomorrow is day 10 and my birthday.  I'm excited to go to the aquarium with the kids.  I will take lots of pictures and post some. 

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Mountain Biking

Setting an alarm and needing to wake up is a surefire way to make sure that I don't sleep well.  Every time I have to get up before 6:00 I just can't sleep well.  I toss and turn and wake up every hour or two.  And if the time is 3:30 I usually start waking up every half hour.  For the past 7 years every time I have set an alarm, I've never actually used it.  So needless to say, last night wasn't the best night sleep.  I got up at 5:30, 15 minutes before my alarm was to go off and ate my breakfast I prepared the night before of sweet potato, russet potato, and sausage scramble. I made sure to eat something higher in carbs since we were going to be biking for a while. The kids were very compliant getting up early and being rushed out the door and dropped off at the sitter's house.  I'm still surprised we found someone willing to take the kids from 6:30am-12:00, but I am grateful that Matt and I were able to get out and go biking. 

We went on a new trail and it was a pretty fun trail.  Much more technical than what I am used to, so I had a harder time steering and getting over all the rocks.  I had to walk a lot more on this trial than on others I had done.  This one was kind of like a roller coaster.  It went up and down and up and down and up and down.  I'm not very good at biking that way.  You shift a lot more with your gears and the technique you use is different.  I've only gone on trails that go up and up and up.  Matt said to pedal while you are going downhill to get enough speed to go up the steep uphill parts.  The problem is I was so busy trying to keep my balance and steer through all the rocks and windy trial that I literally couldn't pedal at the same time.  So I just ended up walking a lot.  But I did learn how to go down some fairly technical rock outcroppings. 
That part is one of the easy parts.  The trail totally kicked my butt.  We didn't get to the end of the trail which I was kind of disappointed by, but even when we turned around, it was so hard for me to get back.  I didn't realize how tired I was getting going out.  On the way back I kept thinking "come on body!  There is plenty of energy in my fat cells, just use some of that!"  My body it seems has other plans.  Unfortunately my conscious brain does not have override procedures on the autonomic nervous system. 

This picture was taken going out, so I was still feeling pretty good
Back in the car I ate the Larabar I packed as an after workout snack.  It wasn't the most ideal thing but it was the easy thing.  Ideally you are supposed to have some protein some carbs but I didn't feel like packing some eggs or meat and vegetables.  Matt ate fruit which I am really trying to avoid eating for snack as I'm trying to slay my sugar dragon.  Since my Larabar was nothing but dates and cashews, not sure if that helped but the point is, I needed something for after my ride.  My body has definitely not entirely switched over to burning fat as a fuel source because I was totally wiped out after the ride.  It was a struggle to stay awake in the car.  Now before you go on a rant about how I probably needed to eat more carbs remember these things: 1.  I hardly slept the night before. 2. This is my first ride I've done since getting sick so that makes it my first mountain bike ride in 5 weeks. 3. We were about 1,000 feet higher in elevation than where I live and 4. It was the hardest and longest bike ride I've been on.

All those factors put together just made me crash afterwards.  I was not pleasant from 1:00-3:00.  Pretty much I gave Lily the Ipad and fell asleep with Chloe.  Good mom I know, but I was useless anyway and super grouchy when we got home.  The afternoon, after I had recovered a bit, was much more productive.  I groomed my dog (I should have taken a picture.  Maybe I'll get one for tomorrow), did all the laundry, cleaned the kitchen floors which had gotten sticky from the kids eating plums and dripping juice everywhere, practiced my flute, fed the family dinner, and now I'm about ready to go crash into bed. 

Day 8.  A bit more of a struggle.  I was very tempted by the M&Ms that Lily was eating.  I also saw the diet pepsi in the garage when we pulled in and I wanted one so bad.  But only water for me.  I probably should get some bubbly water, that will probably help with the soda cravings.  I did get a headache today but I'm not sure if that was due to food or due to my bike ride.  Not hungry in between meals.  I've been making my portions smaller and smaller for the past few days since I was so full that one day I couldn't hardly eat dinner.  I think I have found a happier portion size... or maybe I was just hungrier today due to my bike ride.  Either way, I didn't get hungry until lunch time and until dinner time at 5pm.  No snacking in-between, although I wanted to just for emotional purposes in the afternoon when I was feeling really tired.  Tomorrow is day 9 and then the dreaded day 10 and 11.  I'm preparing myself so I don't quit now.  I've come too far now.

Friday, July 17, 2015

One Week Down

Last day of the first week!  I made it one week through.  Today was pretty good.  I felt much better in Zumba today than I have all week.  I had more energy and I burned about 75 more calories than I usually do in the 55 minutes of Zumba class (burned about 525 calories and I normally burn about 450).  I did get tired today but I had my friend who just finished her whole 30 come over with her kids and we talked for a while and the kids played.  She lost 9.4 pounds during her whole 30!  She brought me over some passion fruit flavored sparkling mineral water and that was pretty good.  Nothing like my beloved diet pepsi but not bad.  She helped stave off the exhaustion, and then very soon after she left my mom came by to get her nails done.  By the time I was done with that it was time for dinner (5:30) and I didn't get hungry at all in between lunch and dinner and I even cut back on my lunch food.  For dinner I ate the rest of my dinner from last night and I'm not hungry at all.  I am however, pretty tired. 

Tomorrow I have to get up around 5:45 am because Matt and I are going mountain biking and we are headed up to a place called Buffalo Creek which is a bit of a drive.  He has to be back home and showered by 1:00 so he can make his 2:00 appointment.  I'm going to make a sausage and potato scramble tonight for breakfast tomorrow.  I'll add in some nuts on the side or some avocado for fat and that will be good.  The potatoes will give me the extra energy I need for biking.  I'm also going to bring a Larabar for after biking in case I get hungry.  We are dropping the kids off at the sitter at 6:30am and we will be picking them up at 12:30.  I want to be prepared. 

Another thing I want to investigate using more is coconut butter.  I thought it was like a peanut butter or an almond butter but it acts differently than those (it's sold next to the peanut butter).  It is more like regular butter, but not quite an oil.  I found this interesting comparison of coconut oil vs coconut butter HERE  

Tomorrow starts week 2, and some of the hardest days on the program are ahead of me.  Day 10 is my birthday and days 10 and 11 are supposed to be the hardest on the program, but I'm not doing anything on my actual birthday, Matt is working all day.  I am thinking of taking the kids to the aquarium.  Something I've been wanting to do for a long time.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Burning fat and protein instead of carbs and sugar

One thing that has amazed me these past six days is how full I've been.  I haven't had the desire to snack inbetween meals at all (except for last night because we were eating dinner very late).  Today I started freaking out because I didn't have any prepared side dishes and you need to eat a platefull of vegetables with every meal.  I was thinking that I didn't have anything for dinner tonight and I only have one serving of mixed veggies left over for breakfast tomorrow and that was it.  So I kind of went on a cooking spree.  I remade the Cauliflower mash (I actually read the directions this time), and I made Pan-roasted brussels sprouts and squash from my left over brussels sprouts from when I made the balsamic roasted sweet potatoes and brussels sprouts.  I also had a bunch of left over butternut squash after making that so I also made butternut squash with kale and swiss chard.  (And I still have about two cups of butternut squash left over).  It was a huge squash.  So now I'm feeling satisfied that I will have some sides to choose from for the next few days.  After all that cooking I didn't really feel up to more cooking so I made some quick and easy salmon with a tomato topping.  Super easy.  I didn't make the salmon until later though because I just wasn't hungry.  It's crazy how I normally get hungry around 2:30 and stay hungry even if I snack until dinner time.  Sometimes I would even eat dinner at 4:30 because I was starving.  But since I started whole 30 I am just not hungry.  They must really know what they are doing because what they have you put on your plate and the ammounts you put on your plate sure keep me feeling satisfited, even after reducing my plate size to the lunch plates.

Matt wanted poached eggs with toast this morning.  I really wanted to make the blueberry omelet thing again, but I figured I would just go with the flow.  If Matt wanted poached eggs then that would be a good opportunity to eat the same thing together as breakfast.  Besides, I like poached eggs.  I skipped the toast and had some of my scrambled vegetables (one serving left for tomorrow's breakfast).  After breakfast I took the kids to the pool at the gym because I promised them we would go.  They have a huge outdoor play area with a splash and play for the little kids, a lazy river, lap pool, adult water slides and adult pool.  I thought we would be there for several hours, we haven't been in a while.  But the kids, especially Chloe, decided they were done after only 45 minutes.  I was shocked.  Still, within those 45 minutes we had to take two bathroom breaks and then Chloe decided she was cold and hungry.  (I insisted the kids finish all their breakfast before we left so I know it's not because she didn't eat.  Interestingly enough Chloe ate oatmeal for breakfast-a carbohydrate, and Lily ate eggs for breakfast- a protein.  Chloe got hungry.  Lily didn't.  But then again, Lily hardly every utters the words "I'm hungry").

I got really tired in the afternoon and had to lie down with Chloe when I put her to sleep for a nap.  Lily watched a movie on the IPad.  Day 6-7 your body is really working on changing over from burning carbs and sugars to burning fat and protein so people will experience an energy slump during these days.
After my nap is when I did all the cooking.  In the afternoon I really wanted a diet pepsi but I drank water instead and ended up drinking a ton of water.  I realized I was thirsty after I started drinking .  Now I'm pretty much exhausted.  The kids are in the backyard playing in the little kiddie pool and I'm ready to go to bed.....
Here is dinner.  The cauliflower mash turned out great this time.  Even Matt liked it.  I was still so full however that I could only eat half (if that) of my food.  However, when Matt pulled out the chocolate cake I thought to myself "I could eat that!" but looking down at my plate full of food, I didn't want to eat, so I knew for sure I was seriously not hungry.  Which just goes to show that eating sweets has absolutely nothing to do with actual hunger... but we already knew that.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015


Today felt pretty good.  I didn't have many cravings and my energy felt pretty good.  I also wasn't angry or upset.  I didn't have an energy crash in the afternoon which was really nice.  In the morning I sauted up a bunch of vegetables that we had in the fridge that needed to be used up.  Most notably the head of broccoli that has been in the fridge for forever.  I used avocado oil and chopped up the broccoli, zucchini, and bell peppers.  It would have been better if it had onion in it, but we used up all the onions last night.  I seasoned it with salt and pepper and some chive and tarragon seasoning I had in the pantry.  When I started eating it my stomach was churning but the more I ate it the more I liked it and my stomach calmed down.  My protein today for breakfast was a blueberry omelet.  I found a recipe online where you whip up eggs and you are supposed to add this thing called coconut Aminos but I don't have that so I put in some coconut butter and cooked the scrambled eggs in coconut oil.  Then add the blueberries.
Sprinkle some cinnamon on top and I also put some shredded coconut (unsweetened of course) on top.  It was surprisingly really good and I think I'm going to make it again tomorrow.  My food for the rest of the day was leftovers from previous meals. 

I made it to Zumba today and I'm still fighting workout fatigue.  Today my body felt like a ton of bricks, and it was really hard to lift my legs and do my squats.  I also wouldn't say I have boundless energy.  I don't.  It's not even 9pm and I could probably fall asleep with ease.  Which in a way is a relief since before I started I was having trouble falling asleep. 

I'm already analyzing myself in the mirror wondering if I have lost weight which is silly since it is only day 5.  Also I'm already having dreams about eating off plan foods, mostly cookies and the like.  I anticipated that though as I have had many dreams about gorging on sugary foods pretty much every time I start avoiding sugar I get those dreams.  Or any time I'm trying to be really good. 

My birthday is coming up in 5 days and I am trying to figure out how to get around not eating cake and ice cream.  I told Matt I wanted to go to the Korean Restaurant and eat Kamjatang which is this Bone In Pork and Potato Stew.  It's really good and we don't get it too often so that is pretty much perfect.  But my In-laws want to take me out for my birthday, so that is going to take some planning.  Fortunately it's my birthday so I can choose the restaurant.  I'm thinking of going to a steak house where I can either get a grilled steak or a grilled salmon.  The thing I worry about is if they use soy sauce in their steak marinades since soy sauce is off limits.  Nothing would suck more than getting to day 15 or so and then having to start over because I accidentally got a hold of an off plan item.  Even if I am planning on extending the program to 45 days or 60 days depending on my results (If I have good results I am definitely planning on extending the program) I still don't want to have to start back at day 1 because I messed up.

So today was a pretty good day.  Switching to the smaller plates helped me to not feel so stuffed between meals and I still didn't feel the need to snack inbetween breakfast and lunch, and that included a workout.  I am planning on doing the after workout snacks when my intensity goes back up.  Like when I can actually do my runs or if I do a turbo fire workout.  I did eat a snack at about 4:30 today because Lily had dance class from 5:30-6:30 so we didn't eat until after 7pm.  My snack was some chicken deli meat and a handful of macadamia nuts and I felt great.  Normally I would be starving even if I had several snacks.

5 days down, 25 to go until completion of the mandatory 30 days. 

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Kill All The Things

Day 4

I think I am out of the hangover phase, or I just got over it really quickly.  Maybe it's because I've restarted eating healthy so many times my body is used to it and gets over it quickly.  But even then I never cut out soda and sugar and wheat and all that stuff.  Day 4 starts the phase that they call the Kill all the things phase.  This is because your brain is grumpy.  It is demanding carbohydrates and sugars which it used to get all the time but now it is being forced to go without and your body is being forced to burn fat for fuel instead of sugar and carbs.  So it makes your brain grumpy and people tend to get angry and upset over nothing and are pretty crabby for a few days.  
I thought I might be able to bypass this symptom as I felt pretty good today, but come 3:00 I was really angry for no apparent reason.  However my brother was over and I hardly ever get to see him.  He goes to school in another state and he was only home for a few days.  We had a great evening and soon I forgot all about being upset.  Hopefully that can last.  I hear this phase can last a while. 

This morning I had leftover southwestern scrambled eggs, made the kids eat their breakfast, made Matt oatmeal and then we took off to the Zoo for a morning out.
The kids got their faces painted for the first time ever, and they thought that was pretty awesome.  They both got butterflies.  They fed the chickens and the giraffes and were pretty enthralled by the indoor glass beehive.  They had a great time and I'm glad we went.  I ate a pretty big breakfast but I didn't know how long we would be out so I packed a snack of a apple and a handful of macadamia nuts in case I was hungry.  Turns out I wasn't hungry but the kids were.  They ate all their snacks plus the snacks I packed for myself so it was a good thing I brought a little extra food. 
We spent three hours at the Zoo and when we came home I started having some kind of pain in my left abdomen,  Not sure what that was all about but when I was doing Zumba on the Wii my left side was cramping up a whole bunch.  Lunch was some curry chicken tenders, and you can see the rest.  Lots of veggies and had some macadamia nuts and about 1/4 avocado for fat (there is also some oil in the curry).

I was talking to my friend today who just finished her Whole 30 and she said to embrace the fat, and that using the smaller plates is fine.  I was thinking I was eating too much food because the guidelines say to put your protein on then fill your plate with veggies.  Well if you have a really big plate then you are going to eat a lot more food.  I have been feeling pretty full lately so I decided to stop using the dinner plates and go down a size to the lunch plates.   Also as far as fat goes, you are cutting out a lot of the carbs you used to eat.  You are still getting carbs in your veggies and especially if you are eating the starchy carbs like potatoes and squash, but no where near the amount that I used to.  I mean oatmeal is all carbs.  And a sandwich for lunch.  All carbs.  Anyway, cutting out the carbs you need to get energy from somewhere and also it is important in helping your body switch from burning carbs as a fuel source to burning fat as a fuel source. 

For dinner I read an interesting thing about making a sweet potato bun by cutting a 1/2 inch slice of sweet potato (one for the top and one for the bottom) and frying it in some oil on each side until done and using that for your bun.  so I gave it a try.... my sweet potato was not wide enough but it was still good and it worked.
Sweet potatoes count as a vegetable so I have my hamburger, my sweet potato and I had guacamole and some olives for fat plus there are onions, tomatoes and lettuce on there so I think it worked out well.  Those are bakes sweet potato "fries" (basically sweet potato coated in olive oil and salt and baked). 

I didn't have any problems with constipation today, and all in all I think things went really well.  I was able to make it through my Zumba workout but it was tough there at the end.  I got really tired about 3/4 the way through.  But I still had energy in the evening before dinner (which we ate around 6:30 and I didn't get too hungry before then) to go on a walk and play with the kids. 

Monday, July 13, 2015

How do you eat your sugar?

Thus begins day 3, and I felt better today than I have the past few days.  Day three is still technically the withdrawal phase, but I didn't have a headache today, and my aches and pains have pretty much disappeared, at least for now.  The hardest part of today was the afternoon right after my workout.  I really wanted a diet pepsi and to eat a bunch of chocolate cake.  It's a good thing I was at the gym and not at home.  By the time I got home I needed to make dinner.

This morning I felt more energetic.  I slept better last night.  This morning I made Southwestern scrambled eggs for breakfast.  I made the salsa from scratch which was pretty easy with my manual food processor.  I really enjoyed the breakfast but Matt thought the eggs were too greasy from cooking them in the oil, so I will probably half the oil next time and see if he likes that better.  I think they could have done with a lot less oil as well.  I could always just skip cooking the eggs in oil and get my fat from another source like nuts or avocado or olives.
The salsa was great and I'm sure it will taste even better tomorrow.  I filled the rest of my plate with leftover sweet potato and Brussels sprouts from yesterday to get all the veggies I'm supposed to have.  We had a ton of errands to run this morning and the kids did great.  I had to add an extra stop on at the end because Whole Foods stopped selling Ghee a few months ago.  Fortunately I remembered my sister telling me they sold it at Sprouts.  (Ghee is butter with the milk proteins taken out of it).  At Costco I found this:
Avocado Oil!  Super cool.  It's one of the really healthy cooking oils, along with coconut oil and extra virgin olive oil, and comes highly recommended.  Now that I have been out shopping several times my grocery bill is getting a bit larger.  I can't seem to get everything I need in one trip or at one place.  I am not focusing too much right now on buying Organic, that will come in time, but I did get organic eggs today and wild caught salmon. 

Lunch was a build your own lunch style.  First you put protein on your plate, then fill the rest with veggies, and add 1-2 servings of fat.  So this is what I came up with
That's the sausage I mentioned two days ago, I had macadamia nuts for my fat and a nectarine with my lunch.  One of the big things they talk about in the book how to eat your fruit.  Fruit is the sweetest thing that you eat on the plan.  You can eat it because it is a real food and it is natural and fruit is healthy or you.  However if you have a sugar addiction (like me) and bad habits around sugar (like me) and you crave sugar (like me) you need to be very careful on how and when you eat your fruit.  They recommend starting out with only two servings of fruit a day and eating them with your meal.  Not before or after your meal, or for snacks.  This is because many people will have dessert after dinner and if you usually eat sugar after dinner and you stop eating cookies but you still eat fruit your brain is still getting sugar after dinner.  It doesn't know the difference between the sugar in your cake and the sugar in the fruit.  All your brain knows is that it wanted sugar and it got sugar.  Therefore you are not breaking any habits at all.  Another example is if you usually have a candy bar in the afternoon.  If you replace your candy bar with, say, a Larabar (which is only dates and nuts and therefore whole 30 compliant)  you are technically complying with the plan, and technically eating healthier but you are not changing any of your habits.  You are still eating sugar for your snack in the afternoon.  Instead you should replace your afternoon snack with a protein and a fat combo, like eggs and nuts, or beef jerky and avocado (If you find you even need a snack anymore).  This is an important step in retraining your brain.  So today at Whole Foods I found some Organic dates.  I love dates, they are so good.  So I bought a small container and ate some right before lunch (probably shouldn't have done that but I really wanted those dates and I analyzed why I wanted them and concluded it was because I haven't had fresh dates in a long time and not because I was craving sugar so I decided it was safe).  I ate four dates and put them away and then continued making lunch for the family.  However in a very similar scenario, I was also wanting to eat some dates this evening after dinner.  Again I analyzed why I wanted the dates and I concluded that it was because I was stressed and upset because I spent an hour making dinner and the kids didn't eat it and my cauliflower mash didn't turn out right.  So I decided not to eat them because that would not be keeping with the spirit of the plan.  That would be stress eating and filling my head with sugar because I was upset and normally when I'm upset I want sugar.  So I said no and cleaned up dinner.  By the time I was done cleaning the kitchen the craving for sugar was gone.

My energy did fall a bit around 2pm, but I was headed to the gym.  It was a tough workout and I didn't finish like I wanted to.  I decided to do a run since I missed all the morning classes and I didn't want to swim or sit on a spin bike.  I only made it running about 25 minutes and had to walk the rest of the hour.  (I did fast walking on incline).  I hope that I improve quickly and I'm assuming that I will need a few days to get back to where I was as I'm still recovering from being sick (I still have a cough although my tooth pain is gone).  I still managed to keep my heart rate between 145-155 and burn 570 calories in the hour.

For dinner I made a really good Shrimp pasta with Romesco sauce where the pasta is Zucchini noodles.  (You jullienate zucchini to get noodles)
And you can see my cauliflower mash on the bottom that didn't turn out.  It's supposed to be the consistency of mashed potatoes and it was really runny.  Also I missed the spot in the directions where it said to add the garlic to the boiling water while you boil the cauliflower, so I added fresh garlic to the blender and it was just way too strong to eat.  I woofed down mine with my zucchini noodles because I spent all that time making it, and didn't have any other vegetable to substitute it with.  My stomach protested much of the remainder of the evening and I couldn't get the smell of garlic out of my mouth.  I want to try the recipe again only cooking the garlic the correct way and maybe using a little less chicken broth so it is a bit thicker.  I also noticed while I was cooking that I am almost out of onions and running low on garlic.  I'm going through them a lot faster as there are onions in almost every single recipe.  (good thing I like onions and garlic).

I'm starting to get pretty tired now, but it's getting later so that is a good thing.  Hopefully I can feel good tomorrow too.  I'm taking the kids to the Zoo.

Oh! And one more thing I wanted to mention is this.  There is a lot of cooking involved when you eat this way.  I might have to find a way to make multiple meals a day, or multiple veggie dishes unless I want to cook every single day, which my desire to cook every day doesn't usually last long.  Maybe if eating this way stabilizes my mood and keeps my energy levels up I won't be so opposed to it and my enthusiasm will last longer.  Tomorrow I enter the phase called "Kill all the Things".  I'll tell you more about it tomorrow :-)

Sunday, July 12, 2015

How do you approach the plan?

Last night I still didn't sleep well. Too hot and my lower body ached terribly. I'm contributing it to getting over my cold combined with doing more activity than I have in almost two weeks.  My joints ached and I was hot. The kids woke up in the middle of the night and were awake for a long time. I guess that is the trade off for them going to bed early.

You aren't supposed to weigh yourself while doing the Whole 30, and that is a bit of genius right there.  If I'm not losing as fast as I want to or think I should I tend to get discouraged and give up.  I'm estimating my starting weight around 153 because I was 151 before my off week and a half, and I probably have about 3 pounds of bloat on me (156) and I don't want to include that in my start weight because I can get rid of that doing what I was doing before.  I want to see how much fat I lose, not how much water weight I lose.  
Starting weight: 153

No Tracking:  Huzzah!  *happy dance* you eat within the guidelines they give you and then tweak the portion sizes as you listen to your body.  The hunger test is simple: does steak and broccoli sound appetizing? If yes you are probably hungry for real, so you can eat more or add a snack. If not you are not really hungry so don't eat. Tough love.  They are big advocates of learning to listen to your body because your body knows how much you need to eat and if you get all your hormones functioning properly by getting rid of all the hormone altering foods you are consuming then you can learn to listen to your body and trust your body and learn when and how much to eat.  There is a fair amount of trial and error built into the program.  You can increase or decrease the size of your meals, you can add snacks if you need to or take them out.  You can have pre and post workout snacks.  So a lot of variability.  A note on hunger directed eating.  I think that when you start out, tracking is super important.  It makes you aware of what and how much you are eating.  Also many people don't know how much to eat, what to eat and you need to start somewhere.  Some people need to start reducing their calories from eating 3500 calories in a day.  In which case calorie reduction and counting are important.

Another important thing to consider is your approach. If you approach this from the viewpoint of I want to lose weight and you tackle this like every other fad diet then that is what it will be. You will suffer for a time, see some results, fall off the bandwagon and then quit and gain all the weight back plus more.  That is not what we want to do.  Instead I'm using this as a tool to guide me towards eating healthier, getting in touch with my body, ridding myself of cravings, and learning how to cook and serve and eat healthier foods.  I want it to spring me forward into a major lifestyle change.  All the diet foods have served their purpose and it's time for me to move on.

So this morning I made poached eggs and hash browns, skipped the toast (although I made some for my husband), and put fresh baby carrots and green beans on my plate for good measure (potatoes technically count as a vegetable but I wanted to make sure to get in some traditional veggies too). And had half a mango with my meal.   Between breakfast and lunch I was not hungry but it was hard for me to identify because I still felt stomach upset a little and it is hard for me to differentiate between just not feeling 100% and true hunger. I have always eaten when my tummy is a little sick, maybe believing that if I eat I will feel better.  It doesn't always help but it's a habit I have that I need to break.  Lunch was leftovers of yesterday's breakfast, and I made Matt a grilled cheese and the kids had cheese, pretzels, grapes, and turkey.  Then Matt decided that today was a good day for a chocolate cake.  Test of resolve number 2 (the first being pizza and cupcakes at the birthday party). But this was a huge test afterall it's only day 2 and I could easily start over tomorrow. But then I reminded myself that there will still be cake tomorrow, and there will always be reasons and excuses to quit.  I made the cake and didn't eat any of it. Not even a lick. The hardest part turned out to be not licking the bowl or my hands or snacking on the pieces that fell off (and when I bake layered cakes they always fall apart. Remember the birthday cake I made for Lily last year?)

I did it though and I'm proud of myself for it.  This afternoon I was a bit constipated, starting on that symptom already.  My headache wasn't as bad as yesterday and I actually feel better today physically than yesterday.  I didn't get hungry much this evening so I chose a smaller plate instead of a large plate and had some leftover chicken and kale plus a really yummy sweet potato and Brussels sprouts bake. I ended up eating around 6:00 which is huge for me because I'm usually starving by 5:00 even if I ate a snack.  Today I didn't get hungry at all (again filtering out the desire to eat cake and the queasy ness of my stomach). I just did the hunger test and all I wanted to eat was junk food and sweets and to have a precious diet Pepsi, steak and broccoli was not appetizing until about 6pm. As it was I ate much less than I normally would have and I feel stuffed.  This is definitely not one of those starve yourself type of diets.

Matt put the grill together today (woohoo!) now I can start grilling up a storm just as soon as I get the propane tank filled.

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Ready. Set. Go.

I really want to do this.  It has been a very long time since I have actually achieved any of my goals I have set for myself.  I have been going backwards since hitting 145 a year ago.  I have set goals and failed time and time again since then to accomplish them.  Hitting 140?  Didn't happen.  Never again seeing 150 on the scale?  Didn't happen.  Stop binge eating?  Still struggling.  Regulate my eating so it's not so up and down?  Yeah right, it's like one week on one week off right now.  Lose the holiday weight I gained? I've still got 10 pounds to go.  Participate in a triathlon?  The rug was pulled out from under my feet.  I will get back on track tomorrow?  My husband says he would be rich by now if he had a quarter for every time he heard me say that. 

So here I am feeling like a big fat failure.  My confidence and self esteem are shot and I'm gathering up the broken fragments of my remaining determination for one last hurrah.  Which brings me back to the beginning.  I really want to do this, and do it right.  I want to see what it can do for me.  Can it change MY life like it changed so many others.  In an interesting turn of events, as all my regular cheerleaders have taken a backseat since I have been struggling for so long, my Mom has stepped up and is cheering me on saying that this is something I can do and helping me along the way.  I'm getting all teary eyed just typing this.  To have my mom on my side helping me and supporting me, even just through small comments such as "you've got this" gives me an indescribable feeling and determination.  I want to do this for me, and I want to do this to show everyone I can, and I don't want to let my mom down.  Mom's are precious, and hold a tender place in our hearts and can influence us in ways no one else can, even when we are grown and have kids of our own.

Anyway, enough of the sappy stuff *wipes eyes*.  Agenda:  Here are some things I am going to keep tabs on over the next 30 days:
-Chronic fatigue: I wake up tired, get some energy for my workouts and remain tired the rest of the day.  Which makes me not want to do anything with the kids and makes me feel more guilty about being a bad mom to my kids.
- Poor Sleep: I wake up a lot at night.  Toss and turn.  Probably helps contribute the the whole chronic fatigue thing
- Mood regulation:  Lets see if this helps me not be all over the place, feeling good for a few days then feeling depressed which leads to the next thing
-depression.  I feel like I spend way too much of my time feeling depressed, and I feel like I shouldn't be depressed because I have life pretty good which of course makes me feel guilty and more depressed
- food cravings and obsession.  I've already talked about this at length in my previous posts
- weight loss- this is huge.  I want to be below 145 by the time I finish the 30 days.  I would be lying if I said I was doing this only for the other health benefits. 

I finished reading the book last night and started meal planning for the week.  You are encouraged not to snack in between meals so I only had to plan three meals a day, planning snacks as well starts getting time consuming.  I'm going to stick as close to the plan as possible and for now that means no snacking.  When I ramp up my activity again and start doing more intense workouts I will make sure to add some extra protein and fat (what they recommend as a snack).  What I like about this program is that it isn't all black and white.  They give you the tools and you are supposed to figure out how much food your body needs.  It's the whole learn to fish vs giving someone a fish type of thing.  They tell you what to eat, and even give you estimated portion sizes but it is entirely up to you to decide how much is right for your body and how frequently you need to eat. 

I decided to go ahead and start Day 1 today since after eating about 10 molasses cookies I realized I really couldn't put this off any longer.  I needed to start now.  My eating habits are so messed up I am in dire need of help.  They talk at the end of the book about extending the program if you need it, and I think I might be one of those people that need it.  You do a minimum of 30 days because that is the minimum amount of time needed to change.  I'm thinking of doing 30 days exactly as the plan says and then doing another 30 days almost exactly as the plan says, but I might add some rice back in here and there.  I have to give up my Juice Plus for the duration of this challenge because it contains oats and all grains are forbidden.  So I'm thinking day 30-60 I will add back in my Juice plus.  We will just have to see how everything goes.  The only thing coming up is my birthday on the 20th, and well... it's my birthday so I can do what I want and I don't have to eat cake or ice cream if I don't want to. 

So here is a summary of how Day 1 went for me:
Day 1
 I woke up tired but determined.  Matt snored a bunch last night, combined with my late night sugar dose kept me awake until about 1am.  My sinus infection is slowly going away.  It feels much better today although when I bounce around my teeth still hurt.  For breakfast (the largest photo in the collage above) I had 3 eggs with 1 tbsp coconut oil, onions, green beans, bell peppers and 1/2 avocado on top.  After breakfast and cleaning the kitchen I was feeling more awake and we were off to the grocery store to get the first load of Whole 30 groceries (picture: Top left).  In the picture you can see all the yogurt, that's for the kids.  Yogurt is not whole 30 approved.  The point of the picture was to show how many veggies were in my cart.  I've never had so many veggies in my cart before.  I also bought something I've never bought before: coconut cream.  It is used in many recipes to add thickness and creaminess.  The morning was a bit hectic as we had to leave to go to a birthday party pretty soon after we got back from shopping.  The party was from 11-2 so I wanted to make sure I packed a suitable lunch.  I pulled some Chicken sausage out of the fridge and after quadruple checking the ingredients, decided they were safe.  I don't know if you can read that ingredient list but it says chicken, dried apple, salt, fruit juice concentrate from apple, pineapple, pear and peach.  Spices celery powder in a pork casing.  Everything looks clear. Pure fruit juice is whole 30 approved. 

In the mid morning I was feeling kind of queasy and a bit grumpy but that is probably due to several days of bad eating and lack of sleep.  I did well at the birthday party.  I created my own lunch of sausage, green beans, carrots, 1/2 avocado, 1/2 mango, and a little less than a serving of almonds.  The parents of the birthday girl are just finishing their whole 30 so they were totally supportive.  The kids had a good time, even if they did get sprayed a lot with the squirt guns (my kids can only dish it out, they can't take it.) and broke into tears about twelve times.  They also played on the playground which had a tire swing and they got way dizzy and a little nauseous so we decided to go straight home instead of going to a different store to pick up a few specialty ingredients (like clarified butter). 

I kept myself busy all day and I didn't feel hungry in between meals.  Around 3pm I started getting a headache (probably due to lack of diet pepsi today) and was getting increasingly more grumpy.  I cooked dinner (bottom right in the picture) which was a coconut curry chicken with lots and lots of sauteed kale.  The guideline is first put your protein on your plate, then fill the rest of it with veggies.  I made these recipes out of the whole 30 cookbook.  Each recipe serves 2, so I doubled the chicken and made one recipe of kale.  So I took half the kale since I figured that was about as much as I was supposed to eat.  I ate three small tomatoes that we grew from our garden.  Lots and lots of veggies.  I'm feeling very tired right now.  My headache has subsided and I got the kids to bed early so that is a huge stress relief.  They were being awful tonight.  My general feeling is kind of cruddy but I know it's going to take a while before my body starts feeling better.  I didn't do myself any favors this past week with food.  I was sick and depressed, and to make matters worse I was sick in the head not the stomach so I pretty much just ate to cope.  I am now going to sweep and mop the kitchen floors since it is only just about 7:30 and the kids are in bed so I can actually do it without getting interrupted and I don't want to do it tomorrow.  Day 2-4 are supposed to be the worst feeling days (physically) on the plan.

All in all not a bad day 1, only 29 days to go.

Friday, July 10, 2015

It Starts With Foood

This morning I woke up and pretty much felt the same as yesterday.  I had a ton of blood tinged gunk drain out of my nose over the first hour and a half of the day, I will spare you the rest of the gory details.  So I dedicated most of today ready my book "It Starts With Food" by Dallas Hartwig and Melissa Hartwig.  Or in other words, the first book that teaches you about the Whole 30 diet.  I took the kids to the gym and camped out in the cafe.  I have several things mulling around in my head now so hopefully I can get this all out in an organized and coherent manner. 

What I like about this book is how it goes through and explains everything in detail.  It goes through the science, and the biology (and you know me, I love biology) and explains how food acts in your body.  It outlines four good health standards that your food should meet and the very first one is the one that most weight loss bloggers talk about at nauseum: Food should promote a healthy psychological response.  This is where we talk about our sugar cravings, emotional eating, uncontrollable binges, unhealthy relationships with food, and all that stuff we are trying to beat but just can't seem to win.  While I found the other four points interesting, informative, and pretty important, this is the one that resonated with me the most.  The psychological effect that food has on me.  This is why the book I found and loved last year "how to have your cake and your skinny jeans too" doesn't work.  While I agree with a lot of things in her book, and my ultimate goal is to be able to live and eat intuitively, you can't cure sugar cravings by feeding them.  In the book Josi says that the reason why we crave certain foods is due to restriction.  While that certainly has a psychological effect on us, the authors of "It Starts with Food" (lets just call them the Hartwigs so I don't have to keep typing out both their names) make it clear that your body's biological and hormonal responses are much stronger than your willpower.  Doesn't that always seem to be the case?  We can white knuckle our way through for only so long before the urge to eat becomes too strong and we give in. 

Without rewriting their whole chapter on this topic (which might be hard because I really loved that chapter) basically refined sugar and artificial sweeteners are much sweeter than anything we could find in nature, eating sugar then creates a very real chemical and hormonal response in our brains and our bodies.  The food processing industry puts extra sugar, corn syrup, MSG etc into foods to make us like them more.  These foods trigger the reward centers in our brains, more specifically for all you biology nerds like me eating these foods releases dopamine, the feel good neurotransmitter, which then "reinforces food seeking and energizes your feeding.  It gives you that rush of anticipation before you've even taken your first bite. "  (Think about daydreaming about eating a cookie).  The other side of this is the hormonal response that these foods create, basically creating insulin and leptin resistance.  Also, since there is no real nutrition in say cookies the only biological signals you get to stop eating them is the feeling in your stomach when you have to manually force yourself to stop eating or face the consequences of overindulging.  (And if you are like me, stopping eating these foods once you are in full swing can be so difficult that often I just take the consequences of overindulging.  That is a classic sign of dopamine working alongside messed up hormones, combined with consuming a food that has no nutritional value so my body doesn't tell my brain it's nutritionally satisfied.  Ok, that's the best summary I can do I hope it made some sense.  I also really like the chapter on hormones, that was very fascinating and explains why many people have such a hard time losing weight, especially through calorie restriction.  But this is why Josie's idea of "eat whatever you want, even if it's cookie dough" idea is flawed.  Because for the food addict, you always want more.  You don't eat cookie dough three times and decide you've had enough, because you are dependent on it to change your moods, make you feel good, and your brain becomes hardwired to want it because it feels so good.  (In the moment that is, we don't need to get into the pity party that takes place afterwards).

Moving on.  This book made me cry.  This book is well written, funny, informative, includes testimonials from real people at the beginning of every chapter, and makes some pretty intense promises.  One of which I think we can all relate to.  The third promise is simply this:  "You will never again be controlled by your food.  Freedom."  Isn't that what we are all hoping for?  Isn't that what we are all striving for?  Having a healthy relationship with food, freedom from food so we can live our lives to the fullest.  What I wouldn't do to no longer be enslaved by food. 

So let's talk briefly about some of my previous arguments against Whole 30: Isn't it really restrictive?  I heard you can't eat hardly anything.  It's too strict. 

Ok so it's not for everyone.  If I picked up this book at 211 pounds I would have laughed in it's face and thrown it out.  In fact, I laughed in its face at 155 pounds and it was only when I was ready for it that I picked it up and seriously considered it.  Did you catch that?  It was ONLY WHEN I WAS READY.  Ready to do it for myself, because it would give me the push in the right direction that I needed.  I love the go at your own pace idea, make small changes, do what you can when you can and that is exactly what I've been doing.  It's what got me to lose and maintain a 60 pound loss in the first place.  Only maintaining is very hard for me right now.  My eating is all over the place, and my emotions are up and down like a roller coaster ride.  I have gone from eating really poorly to eating less poorly.  I seem to be coming up against the transitional foods a lot in other bloggers posts lately.  Where they talk about how some people knock the processed health foods because they aren't really all that healthy and some bloggers defend them and some don't.  For me, those foods helped me get where I am.  I live on Chobani fat free black cherry yogurt, fruit and protein bars, healthier chips, whole grain breads, and a lot of other choices that the Whole 30 deems as generally unhealthy.  They are right, they are not the best choices, but for me they have been the better choices.  They got me to where I am, but you know what.... they are also keeping me at where I am.  I am ready to move out of the transitional phase.  All those bloggers who have lost tons of weight and seem to effortlessly maintain?  Yeah, they are eating unprocessed whole foods.  Eating much healthier than me.

Weight loss is a journey, this is the next step in my journey.