limbo

 The good news is I haven't gained any weight. The bad news is I haven't lost any weight. According to my fit bit which monitors my heart rate all day I am burning a little over 3000 cal a day. I've been tracking my food over the past several days on my fitness pal just to see what my in take is and it's hovering around  2000 cal a day. Which means I have about a deficit of somewhere around 1000 cal a day so I should be losing weight like crazy. However I am not and you can imagine how frustrating that is. I did go into the doctor to get my thyroid checked but I have not heard the results back yet. I kind of feel like I am in limbo I don't really know what to do at this  moment. I am sure you can imagine how incredibly discouraging it is to have such a large calorie deficit but not to lose any weight. And I am not willing to go back to eating only 1200 to 1400 cal a day just to lose weight. Because I know that is something that I cannot maintain. Besides I would rather fix a health issue than  treat the symptoms . I signed back up for the gym because Chloe has been asking to go and I think it will be good for her, and my husband thinks it will be good for me and I am excited to go, but I have those doubts plaguing me right now and i find myself wondering "what's the point?"
Hopefully I will get some answers soon. I'm at my whitts end and am about to give up and just accept the fact that I am going to remain fat for the rest of my life. But I'm holding out until I get my blood work back. Until then, I will remain in Limbo

Week Two of TF

It has been crazy over here, and I keep forgetting to post.  Our internet was down for a few days, we were having problems with our router and so we bought a new router and it wasn't working so we bought a modem and router combo and then we found out that there was an internet outage in our area, so that was a headache and probably a lot of money we didn't need to spend.  (we were planning on replacing the router, just not the modem but oh well it probably needed to be updated too).   Ahh, first world country problems.  I supposed I would prefer that over other problems.  A few days ago, I woke up feeling really bad about myself, and feeling fat and puffy.  So I went and bought a new outfit since all my shirts are too tight because I never bought new clothes while gaining weight. 

Chloe got a new dress too because she grew out of one of her favorites and was completely devastated. 

Starting at week 2 of Turbo Fire I weighed in at 177.  Not much of a loss, but still a loss.  Speaking of slow weight loss, I'm getting my thyroid checked on Tuesday as I suspect myself of having hypothyroidism.  Since I've been tracking my cycles, I have discovered I have almost every hallmark symptom of hypothyroidism, even down to unexplained miscarriages.  I looked up some non female reproductive cycle specific symptoms and they include sensitivity to cold, constipation and weight gain.  That would be a check, check and check.  If I do have hypothyroidism it would explain why it is so hard for me to lose weight and why it's so easy to gain.  (If I don't have it then I guess that's just the way weight goes, which I'm pretty sure is true anyway).  I also called my mom and it runs in my family.  So anyway, that will hopefully be enlightening. 

I've been sore from my workouts, but I've been feeling good.  I've had more energy since focusing on whole body health.  Eating healthy, working out, getting chiropractic care, taking a daily detox.  My mood is stabilizing, and I'm not crashing every day at 1:00, and my energy has been a lot higher.  Even during the last few very stressful days I'm proud of myself for not trying to make myself feel better with food.  I said "food isn't going to fix the problem" and tried to do something else to take my mind off things. 

That's about everything, so have a great weekend and I will check in again soon.

Turbo Fire Round 2

We had a great Labor Day weekend up in the mountains.  We went to the ranch for the last time this year.  It was the first time I've ever been where I haven't pigged out on junk food.  I stuck to the Paleo guidelines and actually didn't eat anything off plan while I was there.  Despite the cookies and cream cake and the popcorn that was available, I declined both knowing that I would regret it in more ways than one if I indulged.  The cake was full of dairy products and would have resulted in a massive stomach ache which I am none too eager to experience again.  I am proud of myself for how I ate this weekend.  It wasn't perfect.  I still snacked on too many nuts, but who cares?  I didn't binge and I didn't even eat anything off plan while we were there. 

I know I am making progress with my relationship with food.  Yesterday was my first MOPS meetup and there was a whole buffet of food.  I didn't know there was going to be food there, so I had already eaten dinner.  One month ago it would have been the perfect excuse to pig out.  There was a lot of good looking things there.  Last night, I didn't eat anything because I wasn't hungry.  I grabbed a water and that was it.  I don't feel like I missed out, there is going to be food at every event and last night I genuinely didn't want to eat anything.  One thing my body is finally coming to realize, that my brain always knew but my body didn't because either I was starving myself by only eating 1200-1400 calories a day, or I was feeding myself too many sugar loaded processed foods which wreak havoc on blood sugar and your satiety hormones, is that the world isn't running out of food.  At least not where I live.  Food is readily available, and it is ok to pass up food if I am not hungry or don't really want it.  There will always be next time, and I certainly know where to get more food if I need it or want it.  I'm excited for the changes that are happening and I think that for the first time in my life I am truly on my way to food freedom and having a healthy, balanced relationship with my food. 

I'm on day 2 of Turbo Fire and I'm loving it.  It's really tough right now and I'm doing most of the moves modified on low impact, but I'm still sweating like crazy and getting a good workout in.  I'm sore today which means I'm building muscle.  That's one thing I love about Turbo Fire is that it is a cardio workout but you still build a lot of muscle doing the program.  Not as much as a weight lifting program obviously, but with all the punching and kicking and jumping and abs that goes on in the program, you can't help but build muscle.  It's amazing how just a few days of working out at a higher intensity as improved my mobility.  I feel like it's easier to move around now, just from moving my body more during my workouts.  Today I did Fire 40 and my feet always go numb at the end of that workout, and today they didn't!!  They were tingling a little bit, but they didn't go completely numb.  That means my chiropractic care is working, and I'm totally stoked about that. 

Hopefully things are on the up and up for me now.  I still have my struggles, such as dealing with this current bought of infertility, and I have no idea how long it will last, but while it does, I'm taking this time to fix my health and trying to be patient.  All things will happen within the Lord's time. 

The next goal

This week has been going well in the food department.  I don't really have a lot to say.  I'm trying to make sure I have no more than one "off plan" or non paleo food a day.  Monday we went to BJs and I really wanted the California sourdough sandwich.  So I had them remove the cheese and the bread was my only non paleo food I ate (I can't vouch for the mayo and bacon on the sandwich).  Tuesday I had one glass of soda, and Wednesday I had some Beef Jerky that had some non compliant ingredients (mainly brown sugar).  All in all, I think it's been going well. 

I've decided on my next big goal, or main focus.  Something to keep me going in the right direction.  I really want to go skiing this winter, since I can't seem to get pregnant at the moment I might as well plan on not being pregnant this winter.  I missed skiing last winter because I was too overweight and out of shape to go.  I don't want that to be the situation this winter.  My knees are feeling better, so I'm going to try to do Turbo Fire.  I did the starter class yesterday and it kicked my butt.  However it felt really good to workout hard again.  I have no desire to workout 6 days a week however, so I think I am going to take the shortest workout day (some days are just the abs workout and stretching) and make it a rest day.  5 days a week is much more doable, and I don't want to hurt myself.  I think sticking to a paleo diet and doing Turbo Fire is going to be a good system.  That will ensure I get the energy I need for my workouts, while improving my cardio skills and building some muscle as well.  (And of course it should be a good combo for weight loss.  I have to lose weight to fit back into my ski clothes). 

Lastly, I did step on the scale this morning and there were some interesting changes. While my weight is pretty much exactly the same as Sunday, my body fat percentage went down by .4 and my muscle mass was up by 1.5 pounds.  What does this mean?  It means my scale stinks at getting accurate measurements of body fat and muscle mass.  I didn't gain 1.5 pounds of muscle in four days, and the only reason why my body fat percentage is down is because of the change in muscle mass depicted on the screen.  I just wanted to throw that out there, since it puts some of my final measurements into perspective.  The lesson is, I'm not going to rely too much on what the scale says, rather go based on how I feel, how my clothes fit, and my measurements. 

And Beyond

I made it.  Thirty whole days.  Thirty days of working to cultivate healthy habits.  I am not perfect, and my Whole 30 was not perfect, but I completed it!  I ate too much fruit, and not enough vegetables.  I ate snacks several days, but I still stuck to the food rules and worked hard to cultivate new habits.  I didn't have any dreams of binging on sweets, which is unusual for me, and I'm feeling healthier and happier than I have in a long time. 

Without stepping on the scale or taking measurements I recognize that my pants feel a little better, I can buckle my belt one hole tighter with ease.  My energy crashes have disappeared, and my energy is staying sustained longer throughout the day.  That doesn't mean that I don't still feel tired, because I often do, but I don't feel like I have to sleep in the middle of the day.  I'm finding that movement in general is a bit easier, and not quite as laborious as it used to be.  It's definite improvement.  Certainly not all the way, but a good leap in the right direction.  It took me 8 months to get to where I was before I started Whole 30, it is going to take longer than 30 days to fix the damage.

So now for the part I know you are all dying to hear: before and after stats

                Before             After

Weight     184 lbs            177.4
Body fat   38.4                 38.6
water        44.9                 44.8
BMI         30.7                 30.2
Muscle     57                    55.8

Waist        43"                 39"
Hips          46 1/2"           45 1/2"
Chest        39"                  38"
Legs         25 1/2"            25 1/2"
Arms        13 1/4"            13 1/4"

A lot of this makes sense, some of it doesn't.  I blame what doesn't make sense on my scale, which isn't that high of quality for a scale that is supposed to measure body fat and muscle mass, my scale has always acted funny.  For instance, I'm pretty sure my muscle mass didn't decrease by two pounds since my activity actually increased during my whole 30, so that affects my body fat percentage numbers.  So I'm sure those two are not correct, but I'm not going to dwell on it much.  My scale stinks when measuring body fat and muscle, I wish I had a more accurate way to measure those factors but I don't, oh well time to move on.  I lost 6.6 pounds.  This is good, and I am now at my lowest I have been in several months but still I had really hoped to be under 175 because that is the line where I go from being obese to being overweight.  So while I can't say I'm disappointed, losing weight without calorie counting, and without feeling hungry is always a good thing.  But at the same time, I had hoped for a little better.  But it is a good start, and the only way from here is forward.  Going back doesn't afford any benefits whatsoever. 

Looking at my measurements I would say they make a lot of sense.  My body always loses inches in my waist and torso first and legs last.  Also, I haven't noticed any visual difference in my arms, so I'm not surprised they haven't changed.  The measurements support the observation of being able to buckle my pants tighter around my waist while the legs still fit fine.  Before Whole 30 I didn't really use a belt, and now they won't stay up without one.  That's the problem with having my body shape I suppose, having a smaller waist and larger legs means my pants always fall down unless I'm wearing an elastic waistband. 

Last time I did the whole 30 I was very excited to do introduction and to get back to eating a lot of foods that I couldn't eat on the plan.  This time around, I'm not even doing introduction, I'm just sticking to eating Whole 30 foods, and I'm going to add in a few other Paleo foods that aren't allowed on Whole 30 for some meals, just so I have more options available to me.  I'm going to order at a restaurant as close to Whole 30 as possible, but they always add something that isn't approved, like sugar, or corn starch, or soy sauce.  But I'm not going to worry about that too much.  I'm not going to weigh myself for another 30 days, and just continue to work on eating healthy and increasing my exercise.

I made sushi!  It uses avocado as a base instead of rice to make it perfectly whole 30 compliant.  It was so amazingly good, I didn't miss the rice at all.

A visit to the chiropractor

Day 29.  I've been feeling pretty good this week, but I'm also ready for the 30 days to be over.  Not so that I can eat poorly again, but just so that everything doesn't have to be so strict.  So that I can eat out and have shrimp and cocktail sauce, and cook from my Paleo cookbooks and not worry about reading every single ingredient.  The plan is to basically keep doing what I've been doing, only with a few less restrictions. 

I went to the Chiropractor the other day and he did three tests to see how my nerve function was.  His whole philosophy is that the nerves are essential to body function and when your spine is not in its proper place, then your nerves are not able to transmit their signals effectively.  The scans revealed that my neck was a mess, which explains my blackouts during yoga and when I get out of the hot tub.  I'm not sure if I've written much about them, but in Yoga if I'm bending over and then the position moves and I'm suddenly standing up with my head looking at the ceiling, which happens in practically every yoga class, my vision goes black and I get light headed and can't think clearly.  I just focus on breathing and wait for my vision to return.  I've never passed out or lost consciousness although a couple times I came really close.  It's the reason why I quit doing yoga.  The scans also revealed that I lacked muscle tension through my spine which was causing my lower back pain, and also probably the cause of all those times I pulled my lower back muscles when I was working out a lot two years ago.  I never pulled my muscles while working out, but while lifting my kids.  Also interesting to note was that in my lower spine, there were several spikes on the graph which the doctor said explained why my feet go numb when I'm working out (They always go numb doing Turbo Fire) and also when I'm skiing.  The idea is, that once the spine is in its proper place, the nerves are not being pinched by the bones and they can function properly.

I love how he does the tests, because it's bringing modern science into a realm of medicine that traditionally goes along with acupuncture and herbal medicines.  By using the scans you can actually see what is going on in your body and also if the treatments are improving anything.  All my life I have always leaned towards the scientific versions of medicine, what we think of as "medical doctors".  But as I've gotten older and more interested in living a healthy life, I've started drifting to the more traditional type of medicine.  Taking on the mentality of trying to improve my health on my own, without pills, through diet and exercise and properly taking care of my body. (which yes, I know, I stunk at this last year.  I did not handle my miscarriage well at all.)  Now I understand and know that modern medicine is super important, but I've come to find, that it doesn't have all the answers.  For instance, I know there is a problem with my fertility right now.  My cycles are not quite right, and I'm pretty sure it's my hormones.  After charting for one cycle, I can see that I'm not producing the right kind of cervical fluid, which could mean that Luteinizing Hormone is out of whack for me.  Now it might just be that my body needs more time to fully heal from the trauma that it went through last year, and there might be more underlying issues as well.  But the point is that OBGYNs won't even look at you unless you've been trying to conceive unsuccessfully for at least a year, because that is what is defined as infertility.  Perhaps by that time my hormones will have fixed themselves but in the meantime I want to know what is going on with my body. 

Just like with my blackouts, a medical doctor would most likely prescribe a pill to try and fix the symptoms, instead of addressing the source of the problem.  I feel like too often this is the case where we are given medicine to treat the symptoms instead of trying to fix the actual problem.  I know this isn't always the case but we have all heard stories and my recent experience with my miscarriage and the subsequent three months landing me in the ER at 2am has left me a little bitter.  That doctor should have known something was wrong, my levels were dropping super slowly and every time I asked about it all I got was "sometimes it just takes longer for some people" quickly followed by "Hopefully next week will be your last blood draw".  I suppose what I needed to do was switch doctors at that point. 

And when I've seen the podiatrist about my feet going numb I get this "you have poor circulation in your feet, lets make you some expensive orthotics to correct your arch and see if that helps".  Which of course they don't help the numbness in my feet.

Now I'm rambling, but I have hope that some of my issues just might be resolved or at the very least improve.  After my adjustment yesterday, I went about another 6 hours and then my lower back actually started feeling better, on the same day after one adjustment.  I'm glad I decided to go into it with an open mind, I'm hoping for the best.  Just to be clear, I'm not saying that chiropractors have all the answers, or that they are better than medical doctors,  rather this particular chiropractor (who sees things a little differently than the traditional chiropractor) claims to have solutions to some of the problems that have been plaguing me for nearly a decade.  I suppose time will tell.

Three days and counting

Almost done with this Whole 30.  My bloating is gone, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore.  My energy, while not where I want it to be, has been sustainable throughout the day.  I still feel tired but I don't have the intense crashes I used to have where all my energy would leave my body and I would feel like I couldn't move.  I had two great days on Monday and Tuesday, my energy was really high through the whole day.  Today I have been much more tired, probably because I'm recovering from Monday and Tuesday but more likely because I didn't sleep well last night. 

I have made two discoveries.  1 is that I love chia pudding with coconut milk and cinnamon and fruit.

This is simply two cups of coconut milk, six tbsp. chia seeds, cinnamon to taste and mango.  The pudding alone is not sweet and the fruit adds just the amount of sweetness and adds a lot of flavor.  My favorite fruits to add in are berries, mango, peaches and nectarines, and kiwi. 

Number 2 is that I know how to make fish and chips without a recipe.

I used a mixture of almond and coconut flour that made the fish taste great.  It was really good and I don't miss the corn flakes or bread crumbs. 

I've been hurting a lot lately from my increase in movement with taking Lily to school and picking her up, plus I've added in a light Zumba workout.  30 minutes, and I'm trying to get it in three times a week.  My lower back around my SI joint has been hurting a lot.  My mom recommended me to the Chiropractor.  I'm  bit skeptical.  I've heard people who love the Chiropractor and I've heard people who hate the chiropractor and my own family is no help because my dad hates them and my mom loves them lol.  So I've got an appointment for tomorrow for a free scan.  I'm sure I have a pinched nerve or something.  I had really bad SI pain when I was pregnant with Lily, and I've had pretty much constant lower back pain for several months, I just deal with it I suppose.  Tried to stretch it, I thought it was just a muscle bugging me.  Tried to take pain meds, they don't help, I even thought at one time it might be my kidney's, but the pain is too low.  It would be great to be able to be adjusted and not have pain anymore.  I just don't want to be stuck going back to the chiropractor for the rest of my life.  But I don't have any experience with chiropractors so I figure I better get some first hand experience and hope for the best. 

Seven days left

Day 23.  As of tomorrow I will have one week left, only 7 more days on my whole 30.  I've been getting really tired in the afternoon, but I haven't passed out on the couch or just felt like I can't go on.  Plus I've been much much more active with picking Lily up from school twice a day, and I've had more energy to do other things like go to the park and clean the house.  So considering how my activity level has shot through the roof, I think it's pretty darn good to only get a little tired in the afternoon.  I've been able to fall asleep super fast which is awesome.  Insomnia is not fun.  I would go to bed at 10:00 and stay awake until 12 or 1:00 in the morning.  I am very thankful that I can fall asleep faster now.  Chloe still wakes up every so often with leg pains, but it is a lot better than it used to be, since it used to be every single night. 

Yesterday I went up to see my sister and I brought lunch, but she took us out for dinner.  I'm sure there was something in my salad that wasn't compliant, but I seriously did my best and I'm just going to let the rest be as it may.  We went to Noodles and Co. and I got the new Market Salad without blue cheese.  I don't know what their chicken marinade contains and I don't know what their vinaigrette is made out of and I don't know if the bacon was cured with sugar or not, but seriously, I did my best and I'm moving on.  It was certainly more compliant than the Pad Thai or the Japanese Pan Noodles, two of my favorites. 

I have a new Paleo Book to go through.  I'm excited to delve into it.  My sister bought it for me for my birthday and I just got it the other day since my nephew was born on my birthday and that was a lot of drama. 

Amazon Link  (I do not receive commissions if you buy this book)

I'm excited to explore it, I've already seen some of it, but I haven't really gone through it yet.  I want to make the Pad Thai, and they have a different method for making zoodles than I was using before, it is supposed to make them so they are not mushy or watery.  I have to finish this week's list before I can start making food out of my new cookbook since I already purchased the food for this week. 


Every time I think about eating a bunch of junk, I just think "what would be that point of that?"  What would it accomplish?  Nothing, it would just make me feel sick, and tired and moody. 

I received my first compliment the other day.  They said that my tummy/waist is looking smaller.  I'm not surprised, my waist is always the first thing to shrink.  But that is good, because it means it is working!  I'm tired of being so overweight, back in the obese category.  It's exhausting dragging around all this extra weight.

2/3 through

Day 20!  Officially 2/3 through the Whole 30.  I've had a couple tricky navigations I've had to make this past week.  I went to the mall and had lunch with my family.  Fortunately I had a pretty hardy snack right before we left of dried mangos and paleo nut butter.  I simply ate a bowl of fruit from Chick-fil-a.  I was thinking I could eat the grilled chicken nuggets, but fortunately they have their ingredients list posted online and unfortunately their seasoning has sugar and maltodexterin in it.  Then I thought I could have the superfoods greens side but they mix a maple vinegerette into that so I'm sure that had sugar or maple syrup in it, so I just stuck with the fruit and ate something more when I got home. 

Last night we had a family dinner at my parent's house.  I made a yummy sweet potato and brussels sprouts side dish, and brought some compliant sausage for me and my mom. 

I've made coconut cauliflower rice, and curried mango tuna cakes

And I've been making a lot of salads for lunch.  I'm glad I like salads.  I didn't make many of them for my first whole 30.  I've been feeling pretty good.  Not to where I was before my miscarriage but then again, I was much thinner and hadn't been eating quite as bad before my first Whole 30.  Besides, 20 days is not going to undo 8 months of bad eating. 

I did Zumba for the first time yesterday.  It was hard.  Good greif , I guess that is what happens when you don't exercise for 8 months.  But the only way from here is forward.  Going back will not help.  I've been back there, I know what it's like.  Low energy, depression, feeling bad about myself.  So forward it is.

Cruisin Along

I've made it to day 17!  I'm feeling pretty good.  I can't say I have super awesome energy, but I do have energy to make it through the whole day without crashing.  And I have the energy I need to do the things I need to do.  Such as clean the whole upstairs and clean Lily's room four times.  I got a pill for my dog from the vet.  It was supposed to help prevent him from throwing up because he often gets too much acid building up in his stomach and will throw up bile every so often.  I gave him this pill that is supposed to prevent him from throwing up and it caused him to puke for 12 hours.  It was awful.  Poor guy.  But of course, it was all over the carpet and I'm still trying to get the smell out.  Tomorrow I'm going to take down Lily's bed and clean the carpet under her bed.  I've cleaned all around her bed twice and her room still smells bad, so that is the next step. 

I've been incredibly active lately, much more than before.  I've been hitting about 15,000 steps every day.  Just taking lily to school and picking her up every day adds a ton of extra activity I wasn't getting before.  I'm really happy with how I feel right now.  I do think I am going to try to incorporate a few more carbs into my daily diet.  Such as squash and potatoes.  My days are just packed with physical activity just because of daily life and I think I need that little extra boost.  When I made that salmon egg scramble, it was on top of some sweet potato has browns and I felt really good on the days that I ate that, and on the days where I had nothing higher in carbs I felt a bit more tired. 

I've still been having some cravings, or rather desires to drink something other than water or to eat something sweet, but it's not been the powerful, debilitating cravings that they were before.  Also for the first time, I'm starting to notice small changes in how my clothes fit and sometimes I think I look different in the mirror.  But I try not to dwell on it too much because, while I desperately want to lose weight so that daily life becomes easier, it's not what I want to focus on.  I'm focusing on having the energy I need to do everything I need to do throughout the day, and on my mood stabilizing.  When I eat junky food, I get really depressed.  It's more than just me feeling bad about not eating right, it's the actual food makes me depressed and lethargic.  I've felt it again and again and if I want to have a good and happy life I need to make this change permanent so I can feel happier, and have more energy. 

Over half way there. 

Day 13, almost half way

I've made it over the hump!  Yesterday was a great day.  Today hasn't been as good as yesterday, but I did work out for the first time in a very long time.  I took it easy today and just focused on moving, I didn't want to upset my knee.  My knee is feeling a lot better, but when I ride my bike I can still feel it twinging.  Mostly it's when I bend it and put pressure on it at the same time. 

Two more days and I will have hit day 15 and will be half way done.  I have to make sure to have a plan for afterwards, because it is going to take longer than 30 days to change my habits.  I felt myself today after picking up Lily from school really wanting to get something to eat.  It was hot outside and when we all got home we were all too hot and Lily and Chloe immediately started fighting.  I was cranky and wanted to cope with eating something.  But I knew I wasn't hungry and so I was able to refrain, because I had the plan to fall back on.  I was also craving something sweet or snacky.  I realize now it was because I was upset and it was an emotional trigger. 

I can't say that my clothes have been fitting any better yet, but a lot of them are really tight on me because I haven't bought many new clothes.  But hopefully by the end of the 30 days my clothes won't feel so tight. 

I found an amazing website the other day while I was searching the internet for Whole 30 compliant recipes and came across TheFoodee.com  the site is completely free and it basically is a location of a whole bunch of paleo and whole 30 recipes from blogs.  If you sign up (which is free) you can put recipes in your cart to save them for later and the site will compile a grocery list for you.  You can change the serving size and the site will change the quantities of the food that you need.  It's super cool.  I'm going to be searching around on that site more, but I did find this amazing recipe for a smoked salmon, egg and potato scramble .

Turning Point

So I no sooner posted yesterday about this round being easier than I was hit with every single withdrawal symptom in the book.  I could hardly move yesterday, I had absolutely no energy.  My brain was foggy, I couldn't think, I kept forgetting what I was doing and things I was looking for.  I was super grumpy and short tempered and craving like crazy.  I just couldn't function at all yesterday.  If today had been like yesterday, I don't know if I would have made it.  We had a big family function today.  My sister had her baby blessed at church today, which is a big deal considering she is inactive in the church.  There were about 20 people at my parent's house afterwards and there were some tempting foods.  Fortunately, my mom is also doing Whole 30.  We both started independently of each other only two days apart,  So I'm on day 10 and she is on day 8. Speaking of which, I'm in the double digits now!!  Woo Hoo!  Hopefully I will not have to restart at day "1" for a long time.  I've been on day 1 for nearly nine months and I'm ready to move on.  So my mom made sure there were lots of fruits and veggies and grilled chicken for us.  We made some amazing salsa  which you can find at this site here: http://allrecipes.com/recipe/228086/paleo-salsa/

Lily was able to hold the new baby

cutie pies. 

Today I have felt better.  It was hard not do dig in to the chips but I feel good for not eating poorly, and it helped to have a few people there who were also abstaining and eating mostly veggies, fruit and chicken.  The chicken was really good by the way. 

And now onto day 11, hopefully I've hit a turning point with yesterday being the worst day and I can slowly start getting better, and more energetic.

Made it to Day 9

Day 9 on Whole 30, and the past several days have been crazy.  First Lily started school

Her school is .7 miles away.  It takes us about 20 minutes to walk there, with the kids.  Which means Chloe and I are out for 40 minutes, which is great exercise for us, but it is just far enough away that in bad weather it would be worth driving (such as heavy rain or below freezing temps in the winter).  But we were able to walk to drop her off and pick her up all three days last week.  (they started school Wednesday)  Needless to say, I've blown my step goal out of the water: 19,000 on Wednesday, 14,000 Thursday and Friday.  This increase in physical activity, combined with my body working internally to change and adapt to my new diet has left me completely exhausted.  But at least I've been sleeping better.  After dealing with insomnia for 9 months, it's refreshing to not lie in bed for two hours waiting to fall asleep. 

I'm staying strong on my Whole 30.  I'm not as tempted this time around to quit.  There are still times when it is a struggle, when I don't want to drink water or I am craving something sweet, but my conviction to eat healthier and be a better person is so strong this time around that it's hardly phasing me.  I've been making large salads filled with grilled steak or chicken, and tomatoes, olives, maybe some fruit, nuts, oil, balsamic vinegar, and whatever else that is compliant that I can find.  They are pretty good, except when the lettuce gets wilty, that was kind of gross.  But the only way is forward and I can't look back. 

Whole 30 Day 5

Made it to day 5.  Made it through a visit with relatives, and through the weekend.  Today, the biggest challenge was that I was so incredibly tired and when I'm tired I tend to eat, so I had a few cravings or rather desires to eat off plan foods, and to drink a soda, but I refrained.  What I love about the Whole 30 plan is that it is only 30 days and it is designed to reintroduce the foods that have been taken out and there is a step by step process for you to find balance and harmony with food.  I haven't been as tempted this time around as I was for my first Whole 30.  I think that is because the first time I did the Whole 30 I did it to lose weight.  I wanted a way to shed some pounds I had gained and something to get me to my goal weight.  Of course that isn't the best motivation and I couldn't maintain the healthy eating standards I was shooting for because I didn't want to change the way I was eating, I just wanted my body to change without any long term effort on my part.

This time around I'm doing the Whole 30 because I want to be healthier.  I want to take control of my diet.  I don't want to feel depressed, and lethargic anymore.  I want better mood regulation, and fewer energy crashes and I know that what I eat dramatically affects my body and my mood and my brain.  Also, it affects my hormones and I think that one reason why my hormones are taking so long to go back to normal after my miscarriage (besides it taking three months to resolve the issues) is that my diet has been so horrid.  I started reading a book recommended by a friend called "Taking Charge of your Fertility" by Toni Weschler and in there she talks about how a poor diet can be hard on the liver, which makes it harder for the liver to metabolize hormones.  I never really thought I would get into the book, but I absolutely love it.  I am borrowing it from a friend but I just bought it on Amazon so it will be here in a few days.  The book provides a wealth of knowledge about how to interpret your body's signs to understand what is going on within your body during your cycle.  Once you get really good at it, many people (like the friend who loaned me the book) use fertility awareness method as a form of birth control.  It's about knowing when you are fertile and need protection or need to abstain and knowing when you are not fertile.  It's also really good to know when you are trying to conceive so that you can time everything correctly.  What I love is how educational it is.  I'm definitely going to introduce my girls to it when the time is right so that they get more education than I did when I was growing up.  And I think I will leave it at that for the purposes of this blog. 

Amazon Link- I get no commissions if you buy this book, I'm simply recommending it because I truly find it enlightening

Crazy Week

There has been a lot going on this past week it's been crazy!  First, our vacation was great.  We did a ton of hiking and outdoorsy activities.  Lily chased butterflies and caught them with her net, Chloe especially loved driving around on the ATVs.  By Thursday everyone was wiped and we decided to come home Thursday afternoon instead of Friday morning. 

 My eating was far from perfect, but it was also not terrible.  The worst thing was that I just snacked way too much and of course we had plenty of desserts.  But the meals in and of themselves were nutritious.  Back home, and back on track.  Speaking of getting back home.  We arrived in the middle of a massive lightning storm.  About 20 minutes after we got back home, I thought the world was ending.  We were being hit by baseball size hail!  It was the craziest thing I had ever experienced weather wise.  Needless to say, the damage was astronomical.  Fortunately both our cars were in the garage.  All compact cars left on the street were totaled.  Windows smashed in, water damage on the interior, and of course dents everywhere. 

This one has a big chunk missing out of it, but it was the first one that Matt dared to go outside and collect

That is a golf ball on the upper left, you can see the hail stones are bigger than it, also these hail stones had been sitting for a while and were a little melted

Grill cover ripped to shreds, grill dented but still works

Our solar panels are shattered

Most of the houses on the street now look like this.  Fist size holes punched through the siding.

 Thank goodness for homeowners insurance.  The sheds on the side of our house have holes punched through the top, and our garden is obviously decimated.  The pumpkin plant was growing really good too.  Lily slept through the storm, but Chloe was awake and got up to see it.  Too bad it happened after the sun set because we couldn't see very well. 

But onward and upward, and going to the ranch always seems to inspire me.  I'm determined to get my eating back into gear, I've completed three days on Whole 30, and I'm determined to finish the program this time around.  But more importantly , I'm determined to make permanent changes.  I'm tired of letting food rule my life and make me depressed, tired and miserable.  It's time to break free.

Leaving for Vacation

Life has been crazy busy over the past week.  Toss in a sinus infection and a cough and I don't know what to do with myself.  Here are a few highlights:

My birthday was yesterday!  My sister gave me a nephew for my birthday!  He is super cute, but there aren't even pictures up on facebook so I am not going to post any here yet.  We got to see him today and the kids both said that was their favorite part of today. 

I got some new hiking boots and workout clothes for my birthday.  All of my workout clothes don't fit anymore, and I really want to get back into exercise, I just have to do it in a way I don't get hurt again. 

My boots are RED!  My favorite color.  Couldn't be more perfect. 

Another fun thing that I just have to mention is Pokémon Go.  I loved that game when I was in middle school and I love the idea of going places to catch Pokémon.  It's getting people outside and moving around again.  In the original game you have to walk your character around to hatch Pokémon eggs and you have to physically walk around with the app open to hatch eggs in the game too. (although I've discovered riding your bike works too)  It's like a built in workout!  Matt and I joke that it's the game that is going to solve the obesity epidemic.  They just need to stop the game crashes.  So that has been totally fun and full of nostalgia.

We are leaving tomorrow to head to the Ranch for a whole week!  So I won't be blogging until maybe the 30th.  It is a much needed vacation for everyone.  Get away, get outside, and have the whole family together.  A whole week of having Matt around all day long!  I'm pretty excited to get outside and get moving and break in my new boots. 

stages

I've come up with a plan.  I've been trying how to better transition into eating Paleo as I've been struggling.  I've tried the "eat breakfast paleo" and then move onto the next meal, but that doesn't always work for me.  So what I have come up with is to phase things out, or to go paleo in stages.  Stage one is to phase out dairy.  I feel like I've pretty successfully done that and I'm pretty motivated to stay out of dairy products.  The next stage I've decided is to phase out corn.  I figured that would be the easiest thing to remove from my diet.  The two biggest things that will be difficult to give up are corn chips and popcorn.  But those are two good things to kick from my diet as eating popcorn almost always gives me a stomach ache afterwards and I can eat a whole bag of corn chips.  So I'm going to focus on that for the next month and then see if I'm ready to phase out another food group.  Wheat might be next, or cane sugar.  Both categories are going to be very difficult to phase out, and i'm not sure which one I will pick next.  Dairy was a tough blow.  No more pizza, buttered toast, cheese, string cheese, milk, creamed soups, Italian food, buttercream frosting, etc.  That was a huge category to remove permanently.  Some things I can replace like replacing milk with almond milk which I actually like.  I don't like coconut milk ice cream, and the almond milk ice cream is ok, I think thought there are better desserts to eat if I'm feeling the need to eat dessert, and they are expensive to boot. 

So now it is onto Stage two in operation eat healthier, feel better. 

Some Good News

We had a pretty busy weekend.  We went to the Amusement Park with some friends on Saturday, and the kids had a blast.  It was the first day I had hit 10,000 steps in a long time due to resting my knee.  My knee is feeling a bit better, but it still is popping a lot and it will still hurt if I bend it as far as it will go.  I really think I just pulled a ligament or something somehow.  Sunday was church and I started doing my genealogy research, which turns out I stink at.  My dad's side is pretty much completed.  My dad comes from a long line of Mormons.  My mom however is a convert and none of her family has been researched.  However it turns out we have some relatives somewhere down the line that are also LDS as some of the names have been researched and their temple work done.  I was working on trying to find some names for several hours and couldn't really find anything.  There was one guy named Thomas Graham who I was trying to find, and I found a lot of things that might be him, but nothing that could definitively link him to his daughter Harriet Graham.  One census document is very close, everything seems right, except the age of Harriet is off by two years.  So maybe the person who typed it into the computer couldn't read the historical records quite right?  Maybe, maybe not, as there is a sibling two years younger than the Harriet listed.  Also all the birthplaces are listed as Pennsylvania, and while all the kids were born in Pennsylvania, the father is supposed to be from Ireland and the mother from England.  So I don't know, I think I'm in over my head.  I should go get some help. 

Anyway, I have some good news!  I haven't gained any weight!  I haven't been exercising, (in fact I've been moving less than normal due to my knee) and I haven't been counting calories.  I've just been trying to eat my meals Paleo, and I haven't been perfect either.  I've still eaten chips and cookies and various other non paleo items. 

By having my meals be Paleo, it really curbs my appetite for other foods, and the amount that I have been eating has been ever so slowly decreasing. 

Today we went up to the Aquarium, and the kids got to take pictures with the mermaids again.  I love the mermaid show, it's really neat.  They have a script that the actresses mouth the words to so it actually looks like they are speaking.  Super fun.  And Matt even got to go with us today!  It was a great family day out.   

Not much has changed

This past week has been tough.  My knee is still hurting, although the swelling has gone down a lot.  I suppose that is a good thing, but just going down the stairs this morning it was hurting.  I thought it was better a few days ago, but then it decided to swell up at night and start hurting again the next day.  But I do think it is slowly getting better.  I can't exercise though.  I suppose if I really wanted to I could do Pilates or something along those lines.  I can't even lift weights because many of the maneuvers require lunge positions and I can't support myself on that knee right now. 

The fourth of July was great.  Lots of fun and family and the kids had a blast, they were completely exhausted the next day. 

My eating hasn't been perfect.  I'm really trying to eat Paleo but the afternoons have proven to be exceedingly difficult the past several days.  My meals are Paleo, but some snacks have been creeping in.  Matt also requested chocolate chip cookies on Sunday so we have those in the house.  From now on though, I'm going to make Paleo desserts.  There are lots of them that look really good, and hopefully they won't make my tummy hurt so much because there won't be any dairy in them!  I think in general I'm doing well as my digestive system feels much better than it has in a long time.  I don't get stomach aches anymore.  And my weight has stayed the same even though I haven't' been working out.  However my energy levels have been really low, but that might be due to lack of sleep.  I've had a few restless nights.  Because my energy has been so low, I've really been struggling with my mood.  I've been cranky and kind of depressed the past several days.  Which might be why I've been struggling more with eating. 

School is starting up soon for my oldest and so I've set an alarm on my phone for 6:30am.  I'm going to make it a goal to get into a routine of waking up every morning at 6:30am and getting myself going so that when school does start it isn't quite as big of an adjustment.  I like getting up at 7:30, but she has to be at school by 8am so we will have to start getting up earlier.  Other than that I don't have much to say.  I hope my knee heals and I can start doing some sort of exercise again, maybe I will start riding my bike, which is much easier on the knees.

Figuring it out

My knee is still swollen.  I haven't been able to walk too much and the pain is the worst when I try to go to sleep.  I went to see the doctor on Saturday, but only got in to see the nurse practitioner and she could only tell me that it wasn't injured.  Nothing was torn.  She told me to ice it, get a knee brace, take Ibuprofen and take some Epsom salt baths and come back to see the specialist in two weeks if the swelling isn't gone.  Basically "I don't know what it is, lets see if it goes away on its own".  Just peachy.  If the pain continues to get worse, I will make an appointment with the specialist earlier than two weeks.  I'm hoping it's just a small sprain that will resolve with rest and time.  Of course, I've scoured the internet looking for what causes a swollen knee and the most common things are: injury, which the doc told me it was not; bacterial infection, my knee is not red or hot so that is unlikely; arthritis (at age 28?  and in only one knee and no where else in my body?  not likely) Bursitis-again a type of infection; and then a tumor.  Great, so now I'm convinced I have a tumor in my knee because nothing else seems to fit the bill, and horrid thoughts of chemo, and rotationplasty run through my mind.

Source

Rotation plasty is seen in patients who have knee cancer where the leg is cut off and the ankle joint is rotated and becomes the knee joint

  I suppose the good thing is, that most knee tumors are benign and can be easily dealt with through surgery.  So, I've got my fingers crossed for a mild sprain or my knee got irritated somehow and hopefully it will fix itself in a few weeks.

Anyway, the last several days have been pretty good.  I've been eating well and I've been feeling better digestively.  There was a lot of dairy that had been slipping into my diet because I just wasn't paying attention and it was causing a lot of digestive upset.  Pesto for instance, and pretty much all protein bars are made with Whey.  I've been really tired the past few days, possibly from such a dramatic change in my diet, but I know it is for the best.  I haven't been 100% and I'm not looking to be perfect.  I'm trying to control the things I can control and not worry about what I can't.  It's going to take a while before I can claim I am a true Paleo eater, but I am on the path.  There is going to be a learning curve, trial and error, and plenty of scouring the internet. 

I am in charge of the vegetables and dip for the festivities tomorrow, and I made two paleo dips.  One was a bacon, spinach artichoke dip and the other was a dill dip with paleo mayo and sourcream made from coconut cream.  I was thinking to myself "drat, the dip I wanted to make calls for sour cream, I wonder if I can make that with coconut cream" and I was right!  There is probably a paleo substitute for every ingredient out there, and if it is dairy, the substitute is probably coconut related.  It seems to be the go to for almost everything (coconut yogurt, coconut ice cream, coconut milk, coconut butter, etc) who thought one food could be so versatile! 

Source

Above is the photo for the artichoke dip.  I will let you know how it tastes after we eat it.  Click HERE to find the recipe
Also, HERE is the website for the paleo sour cream.  It was super simple, you just take coconut cream, and add lemon juice and sea salt and viola!  I just mixed in my may and my seasonings and I was done.  Hopefully it all tastes as good as it sounds/looks.  I guess we will find out tomorrow. 

Check in

This is just a quick check in to let you know that I am still here.  We will be leaving up into the mountains again tomorrow so I won't have internet access until next Tuesday.  First of all as I'm sure you are wondering, I'm not pregnant again.  Turns out I had a mild stomach bug which became evident when Lily was complaining of her stomach hurting last Saturday and then Chloe complaining on Monday and Tuesday.  I am super glad that it was mild and it really didn't impede on our plans.  However, before my miscarriage I was one of those people who could pretty much pick a month I wanted to get pregnant in and then I would be pregnant that month.  Not being pregnant two months in a row has me a little concerned.  What if something happened to my body during that mess after my miscarriage?  What if something happened during the D&C that we don't know about.  What if I can't ever have any more kids?  I did have a friend who said it took her 9 months of trying after her first miscarriage to get pregnant again, and now she has 8 kids, so maybe my body is just still recovering.  After all it was pretty traumatic. 

I pulled weeds yesterday and had an allergic reaction, that was unexpected. 

I guess it's long sleeves for me from now on.  I was pretty miserable the rest of the day as I had already taken my allergy medicine and the only thing I had left was Benadryl, which I took around 7pm and I promptly fell asleep at 9pm (staying awake for 2 hours after taking Benadryl is pretty good).  I was itching like crazy from the weeds.  The rash is almost gone today, which is good. 

I signed up the kids for swim lessons, Lily is getting too big for her puddle jumper and I would like them to be able to go down the water slides in the kid area of the water park without worrying about them (right now they just don't go down the water slides).  The kids absolutely love their swim lessons

And this is probably the best pose ever.  She cracks me up!

Changing up the exercise plan

So the weekend was pretty rough, It took me three days to recover from my bought with dairy.  Lesson learned: don't eat it even if you accidentally order it, it's better to waste it than suffer for three days.  I ate way too much food on Monday.  We went to BJs and then I ate too many cookies and we had popcorn in the evening.  Although I wouldn't call it a binge, just overeating.  A binge is more of an emotional out of control eating and when I would binge in the past I wouldn't pay any attention to how my stomach felt, I just kept trying to shove more in.  On Monday, I quit eating when my stomach was full.  Probably a little fuller than was comfortable, but not so full that I made myself sick.  I didn't track my food on Monday which wasn't the best choice, but I'm okay with it.  The goal is progress not perfection. 

On Monday I weighed in at 177.6, which is .8 pounds down from last week, but .4 pounds up from my lowest weight last week.  According to my trackers I had a deficit of 6,370 calories which means I should have lost a little over a pound and a half.  A huge part of the discrepancy was my dairy fiasco.  It basically caused me to retain fluid and gas and stopped my digestive system.  So when I weighed in on Monday, I was really backed up.  I think that as long as I do a good job the rest of the week, all things will even out in the long term, and besides, I'm still going down.  It's hard when I'm are just starting out and I don't really have a lot of data to fall back on.  But I started at over 180 and I am not going to let the daily fluctuations bother me this time around.  It's a lot of worrying and stress that results in making life more miserable. 

So yesterday I noticed that the top of my left shin had started hurting when I was walking and especially when going up stairs.  At first I thought I had bruised it by smacking it against something but as the day wore on and the pain got worse I recognized it for what it truly was: shin splints.  Double crapola.  I have always been prone to getting shin splints whenever I start an exercise routine, and I guess I am really starting over from scratch because they have come back.  I thought I had vanquished that foe for good, but I suppose 6 months of doing nothing and gaining 30 pounds will bring them back.  Three years ago I suffered through the shin splints and kept working out even though it was really painful, until I injured myself so badly that I had to take several weeks off and they healed and went away.  That's probably not the best course of action.  I feel like the powers that be are against me right now.  Every few days some new problem arises.  But maybe that is just life.  So my foot is still healing from when I tweaked it, although it doesn't bother me too much, it might be good to rest it for a bit, and now I have shin splints that need resting and healing.  So I'm going to bite the bullet and start strength training.  Not my favorite activity, but it will probably be good to get some more muscle in my body to help me with my cardio workouts anyway.  It will hopefully help prevent me from injuring myself further.  I just did the first workout from my Chalean Extreme DVD, and I am going to be sore tomorrow!  Last time I did this, I was so sore the first two weeks I could hardly walk or move.  Not looking forward to that again.  So since lifting weights doesn't really give you the satisfaction of seeing the numbers on the scale go down I decided I better keep track of my other numbers as well, which will be more revealing in the coming months.  My body fat percentage is 37.9%  and I have 57.4 pounds of muscle.  Therefore if my weight stays the same, but my muscle goes up, I will know that I have actually lost fat and gained muscle.  Which will help with the psychological aspect of everything. 

I want to get back into mountain biking and having stronger legs is really going to help with that.  So, here we go again.

Source

Tambourin- Flute

So I did some searching around on Google, and apparently Blogger doesn't allow you to upload audio files to blog posts.  So the way to get around this is to make your audio into a video.  I wanted to make a video that was one picture long and just have my song play to the one picture, but I have windows 10 and Windows Movie Maker has not yet been released for Windows 10, so I got some other free program with very basic functions.  Basically you add audio, and you add pictures.  I can't adjust the picture length so I had to select enough pictures to last the length of the audio, and the pictures go by fairly quickly.  Most of the pictures are nature pictures since I didn't really want to create a slide show.  The first picture is the one that was supposed to be up the whole time.  But I believe that this will suffice for what I want! 

About a month ago I created a recording of a song I had played in High School called Tambourin.  I'd been working on it with my flute teacher for a while because one of my main goals in taking lessons was so that I could  play this particular song.  Since this recording I've cleaned up the ending a little bit, but I'm still pleased with this recording and proud of myself for the progress I've made.  I'm hoping to try out for the local volunteer orchestra next year.  I would love to this year, but Matt has to finish all his internships.  His schedule is just to crazy right now.  Anyway, by next year I should be in a pretty good place to feel comfortable enough to try out.  So I hope you enjoy, a lot of hours went into practicing this piece.  This is Tamboruin by Francois Joseph Gossec

Nutrition, high and low

You know what's going to be nice is when my workout clothes fit again.  I have a few items that I can still wear, but most of my clothes no longer fit.  It makes working out 5 days a week either hard because of laundry, or gross because I don't do laundry.  But whatever, it's only one hour a day and then I can shower and be less gross. 

Anyway, on with the topic for today.  I snuck a peak at the scale this morning and was down to 177.2.  Most excellent.  I hope I can at least maintain that weight for my official weigh in on Monday. 

I thought I would give a peak at my food logs for this week.  I figured I would give my highest calorie day and my lowest calorie day so here it is. 

Lowest: Tuesday with 1,754 calories

Breakfast
Homemade hashbrowns 4 oz 300 cal
two poached eggs                   147 cal

Lunch
Avocado half                           125 cal
Boars Head Turkey 1.5 oz      45 cal
Rudi's Sourdough bread 2 slices   180 cal
Basil Pesto     1 tbsp.                  82 cal
Onions 2 tbsp.                           8 cal
Fire roasted tomatoes in olive oil  60 cal
 (lunch was a sandwich in case you couldn't tell)

Dinner
Brussels sprouts- 1 cup               38 cal
Coconut oil   3/4 tbsp.               90 cal
Grapes  1 cup                            62 cal
Rib Eye Steak 6 oz                   300 cal

Snacks
One Peach                                  66 cal
1 cup goldfish                           140 cal

Desserts
1/2 cookie White chocolate       110


So it wasn't the absolutely healthiest day but it is a vast improvement upon what I was eating in the past. 


Highest Calorie day: Friday, total calories: 2,511

Breakfast
3 eggs scrambled                 180 cal
Almondmilk 1 cup              30 cal
Avocado oil   1 tsp              43 cal
onions 2 tbsp.                      8
red bell pepper  2 tbsp.       6
Macadamia nuts 1/2 oz     100
(I had an egg scramble with some nuts on the side)

Lunch
Onions                                  8
Sourdough bread 2 slices      180
Basil Pesto                            82
Roast Beef    3 oz                 105
Apple 1 medium                   80
3/4 peach                              44
Vinegar and sea salt chips    140

Dinner
Olive Garden Shrimp Scampi      570
Olive Garden 2 breadsticks          280
Olive Garden Chicken and Gnocchi soup 1/2 bowl   125

Dessert
Home made white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies 4 cookies  528 calories


So today was the highest day in calories, but I'm not worried about it very much I didn't go way overboard on anything, I chose a reasonable dinner at a restaurant that has many meals that are around 1,500 calories a meal.  The only thing I regret is the soup because I had forgotten that that particular soup was white, meaning it was probably cooked with milk, (or half and half or heavy cream, it's all wreaks the same havoc in my digestive system) meaning I now have a stomach ache.  I started feeling sick as soon as we left the restaurant.  I should have not eaten a single bite when I saw it and realized that it was made with dairy, but I am still me and I love that soup and didn't want it to go to waste so I thought I could eat half of it and get away with it.  Well, we will see what tonight brings, but right now I'm managing.  If it doesn't get worse then I can deal, however the pain has a bad habit of hitting around 11pm when I've just fallen asleep or I'm trying to fall asleep.  Probably because I'm no longer moving. 

Well, anyway, that is all for today.  The plan for Saturday and Sunday is to keep it a little lighter and stay out of the cookies I made tonight.  I went all day Wednesday and Thursday without any dessert so lets see if I can go Saturday and Sunday and make that four days this week with no dessert.  That seems pretty reasonable to me

Exercise- then and now

Yesterday was a harder day.  I was exhausted for most of the day.  Starting a new exercise regime combined with very little sleep will do that to you.  I was craving chocolate for about six hours yesterday.  But I knew that it would profit me nothing to sit down and eat a cup of chocolate chips.  I knew that I would feel sick afterwards, I knew that I would be upset with myself afterwards, and I also knew that eating plain chocolate chips was not really what I wanted.  I wanted that chocolate cake from the restaurant Monday night.  So I was able to talk myself out of it.  I'm proud of myself for not giving in.  I think finding a balance with sweets is going to be key if I am going to have success moderating my diet in the long term.  I don't want to do anything crazy like cutting it out completely.  I've tried it, to disastrous effects (can you say binging).  But I also know I don't really need to be spending 400 calories a day on desserts.  Yesterday I ate half an oatmeal raisin cookie, because the craving for sugar was so strong.  But it wasn't chocolate and it didn't satisfy so I didn't finish it, and I didn't try to satisfy my craving by eating the remainder of the oatmeal raisin cookies we had left.  So yes, I am proud of myself.  Even though I ate sugar, I still made a good choice, and I was still able to be strong, and my half a cookie was about 100 calories.  Much better than losing control and ending up eating 1,000-3000 calories depending on how out of control I became.  I could have made cake.  I could have made chocolate cookies.  But I didn't.  So yes, I am happy that I was able to avoid one of my biggest binge triggers- being very tired and not being able to sleep (since I can't sleep unless my kids are sleeping otherwise little toddlers are unsupervised and that's bad). 

Anyway, I have exercised for three days in a row this week.  My goal is five days a week.  I think that is a really good number for me.  I've been trying to think about what really worked the first year when I lost most of my weight.  I have been thinking about what I want to maintain and what feels good for me.  And I think that exercising five days a week, for about an hour a day is a really good place for me.  That's what feels good, and it doesn't feel like it's too much and I feel like I've accomplished something.  Doing 30 minutes a day felt too short and going over an hour feels too long and leaves me exhausted the rest of the day.  I've also been thinking about the quality of my workouts.  When I was in the thick of things, mainly after the first year, I was so obsessed with trying to lose weight and so frustrated that I couldn't that I developed this mentality that my workouts needed to be at max effort and max capacity all the time.  I didn't want to warm up or cool down, I wanted to get the highest calorie burn possible, and I nearly drove myself insane trying to do it.  In reality, the warm up and the cool down are super important.  They prepare your body for working harder and help you recover and transition into your next activity. 

I've also realized that not every day is going to be awesome and that is OK.  I'm going to have off days just like I'm going to have awesome days.  Some days I'm really tired and I have to do an easier workout and some days I feel great and I can really kill at my workout.  There is an ebb and flow, and it's not going to be high intensity all the time.  And that is ok because the important thing is that I am moving.  I am working my body, and I'm doing something I love.  I've been playing Zumba Core on my Wii

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To be successful at maintaining a workout, I need to be doing something I love.  And I love Zumba, and I love these games.  When I get tired of the core workouts, I'm going to switch over to the Zumba Dance app on my ipad.  I should figure out how to hook it up to the TV.  Then I will go over to Zumba World Party.  I don't have a whole lot of future plans because I don't know what the future is going to look like next month.  I'm taking it one step at a time.