Thursday, September 29, 2016


 The good news is I haven't gained any weight. The bad news is I haven't lost any weight. According to my fit bit which monitors my heart rate all day I am burning a little over 3000 cal a day. I've been tracking my food over the past several days on my fitness pal just to see what my in take is and it's hovering around  2000 cal a day. Which means I have about a deficit of somewhere around 1000 cal a day so I should be losing weight like crazy. However I am not and you can imagine how frustrating that is. I did go into the doctor to get my thyroid checked but I have not heard the results back yet. I kind of feel like I am in limbo I don't really know what to do at this  moment. I am sure you can imagine how incredibly discouraging it is to have such a large calorie deficit but not to lose any weight. And I am not willing to go back to eating only 1200 to 1400 cal a day just to lose weight. Because I know that is something that I cannot maintain. Besides I would rather fix a health issue than  treat the symptoms . I signed back up for the gym because Chloe has been asking to go and I think it will be good for her, and my husband thinks it will be good for me and I am excited to go, but I have those doubts plaguing me right now and i find myself wondering "what's the point?"
Hopefully I will get some answers soon. I'm at my whitts end and am about to give up and just accept the fact that I am going to remain fat for the rest of my life. But I'm holding out until I get my blood work back. Until then, I will remain in Limbo

Friday, September 16, 2016

Week Two of TF

It has been crazy over here, and I keep forgetting to post.  Our internet was down for a few days, we were having problems with our router and so we bought a new router and it wasn't working so we bought a modem and router combo and then we found out that there was an internet outage in our area, so that was a headache and probably a lot of money we didn't need to spend.  (we were planning on replacing the router, just not the modem but oh well it probably needed to be updated too).   Ahh, first world country problems.  I supposed I would prefer that over other problems.  A few days ago, I woke up feeling really bad about myself, and feeling fat and puffy.  So I went and bought a new outfit since all my shirts are too tight because I never bought new clothes while gaining weight. 
Chloe got a new dress too because she grew out of one of her favorites and was completely devastated. 

Starting at week 2 of Turbo Fire I weighed in at 177.  Not much of a loss, but still a loss.  Speaking of slow weight loss, I'm getting my thyroid checked on Tuesday as I suspect myself of having hypothyroidism.  Since I've been tracking my cycles, I have discovered I have almost every hallmark symptom of hypothyroidism, even down to unexplained miscarriages.  I looked up some non female reproductive cycle specific symptoms and they include sensitivity to cold, constipation and weight gain.  That would be a check, check and check.  If I do have hypothyroidism it would explain why it is so hard for me to lose weight and why it's so easy to gain.  (If I don't have it then I guess that's just the way weight goes, which I'm pretty sure is true anyway).  I also called my mom and it runs in my family.  So anyway, that will hopefully be enlightening. 

I've been sore from my workouts, but I've been feeling good.  I've had more energy since focusing on whole body health.  Eating healthy, working out, getting chiropractic care, taking a daily detox.  My mood is stabilizing, and I'm not crashing every day at 1:00, and my energy has been a lot higher.  Even during the last few very stressful days I'm proud of myself for not trying to make myself feel better with food.  I said "food isn't going to fix the problem" and tried to do something else to take my mind off things. 

That's about everything, so have a great weekend and I will check in again soon.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Turbo Fire Round 2

We had a great Labor Day weekend up in the mountains.  We went to the ranch for the last time this year.  It was the first time I've ever been where I haven't pigged out on junk food.  I stuck to the Paleo guidelines and actually didn't eat anything off plan while I was there.  Despite the cookies and cream cake and the popcorn that was available, I declined both knowing that I would regret it in more ways than one if I indulged.  The cake was full of dairy products and would have resulted in a massive stomach ache which I am none too eager to experience again.  I am proud of myself for how I ate this weekend.  It wasn't perfect.  I still snacked on too many nuts, but who cares?  I didn't binge and I didn't even eat anything off plan while we were there. 

I know I am making progress with my relationship with food.  Yesterday was my first MOPS meetup and there was a whole buffet of food.  I didn't know there was going to be food there, so I had already eaten dinner.  One month ago it would have been the perfect excuse to pig out.  There was a lot of good looking things there.  Last night, I didn't eat anything because I wasn't hungry.  I grabbed a water and that was it.  I don't feel like I missed out, there is going to be food at every event and last night I genuinely didn't want to eat anything.  One thing my body is finally coming to realize, that my brain always knew but my body didn't because either I was starving myself by only eating 1200-1400 calories a day, or I was feeding myself too many sugar loaded processed foods which wreak havoc on blood sugar and your satiety hormones, is that the world isn't running out of food.  At least not where I live.  Food is readily available, and it is ok to pass up food if I am not hungry or don't really want it.  There will always be next time, and I certainly know where to get more food if I need it or want it.  I'm excited for the changes that are happening and I think that for the first time in my life I am truly on my way to food freedom and having a healthy, balanced relationship with my food. 

I'm on day 2 of Turbo Fire and I'm loving it.  It's really tough right now and I'm doing most of the moves modified on low impact, but I'm still sweating like crazy and getting a good workout in.  I'm sore today which means I'm building muscle.  That's one thing I love about Turbo Fire is that it is a cardio workout but you still build a lot of muscle doing the program.  Not as much as a weight lifting program obviously, but with all the punching and kicking and jumping and abs that goes on in the program, you can't help but build muscle.  It's amazing how just a few days of working out at a higher intensity as improved my mobility.  I feel like it's easier to move around now, just from moving my body more during my workouts.  Today I did Fire 40 and my feet always go numb at the end of that workout, and today they didn't!!  They were tingling a little bit, but they didn't go completely numb.  That means my chiropractic care is working, and I'm totally stoked about that. 

Hopefully things are on the up and up for me now.  I still have my struggles, such as dealing with this current bought of infertility, and I have no idea how long it will last, but while it does, I'm taking this time to fix my health and trying to be patient.  All things will happen within the Lord's time. 

Thursday, September 1, 2016

The next goal

This week has been going well in the food department.  I don't really have a lot to say.  I'm trying to make sure I have no more than one "off plan" or non paleo food a day.  Monday we went to BJs and I really wanted the California sourdough sandwich.  So I had them remove the cheese and the bread was my only non paleo food I ate (I can't vouch for the mayo and bacon on the sandwich).  Tuesday I had one glass of soda, and Wednesday I had some Beef Jerky that had some non compliant ingredients (mainly brown sugar).  All in all, I think it's been going well. 

I've decided on my next big goal, or main focus.  Something to keep me going in the right direction.  I really want to go skiing this winter, since I can't seem to get pregnant at the moment I might as well plan on not being pregnant this winter.  I missed skiing last winter because I was too overweight and out of shape to go.  I don't want that to be the situation this winter.  My knees are feeling better, so I'm going to try to do Turbo Fire.  I did the starter class yesterday and it kicked my butt.  However it felt really good to workout hard again.  I have no desire to workout 6 days a week however, so I think I am going to take the shortest workout day (some days are just the abs workout and stretching) and make it a rest day.  5 days a week is much more doable, and I don't want to hurt myself.  I think sticking to a paleo diet and doing Turbo Fire is going to be a good system.  That will ensure I get the energy I need for my workouts, while improving my cardio skills and building some muscle as well.  (And of course it should be a good combo for weight loss.  I have to lose weight to fit back into my ski clothes). 

Lastly, I did step on the scale this morning and there were some interesting changes. While my weight is pretty much exactly the same as Sunday, my body fat percentage went down by .4 and my muscle mass was up by 1.5 pounds.  What does this mean?  It means my scale stinks at getting accurate measurements of body fat and muscle mass.  I didn't gain 1.5 pounds of muscle in four days, and the only reason why my body fat percentage is down is because of the change in muscle mass depicted on the screen.  I just wanted to throw that out there, since it puts some of my final measurements into perspective.  The lesson is, I'm not going to rely too much on what the scale says, rather go based on how I feel, how my clothes fit, and my measurements. 

Sunday, August 28, 2016

And Beyond

I made it.  Thirty whole days.  Thirty days of working to cultivate healthy habits.  I am not perfect, and my Whole 30 was not perfect, but I completed it!  I ate too much fruit, and not enough vegetables.  I ate snacks several days, but I still stuck to the food rules and worked hard to cultivate new habits.  I didn't have any dreams of binging on sweets, which is unusual for me, and I'm feeling healthier and happier than I have in a long time. 

Without stepping on the scale or taking measurements I recognize that my pants feel a little better, I can buckle my belt one hole tighter with ease.  My energy crashes have disappeared, and my energy is staying sustained longer throughout the day.  That doesn't mean that I don't still feel tired, because I often do, but I don't feel like I have to sleep in the middle of the day.  I'm finding that movement in general is a bit easier, and not quite as laborious as it used to be.  It's definite improvement.  Certainly not all the way, but a good leap in the right direction.  It took me 8 months to get to where I was before I started Whole 30, it is going to take longer than 30 days to fix the damage.

So now for the part I know you are all dying to hear: before and after stats

                Before             After

Weight     184 lbs            177.4
Body fat   38.4                 38.6
water        44.9                 44.8
BMI         30.7                 30.2
Muscle     57                    55.8

Waist        43"                 39"
Hips          46 1/2"           45 1/2"
Chest        39"                  38"
Legs         25 1/2"            25 1/2"
Arms        13 1/4"            13 1/4"

A lot of this makes sense, some of it doesn't.  I blame what doesn't make sense on my scale, which isn't that high of quality for a scale that is supposed to measure body fat and muscle mass, my scale has always acted funny.  For instance, I'm pretty sure my muscle mass didn't decrease by two pounds since my activity actually increased during my whole 30, so that affects my body fat percentage numbers.  So I'm sure those two are not correct, but I'm not going to dwell on it much.  My scale stinks when measuring body fat and muscle, I wish I had a more accurate way to measure those factors but I don't, oh well time to move on.  I lost 6.6 pounds.  This is good, and I am now at my lowest I have been in several months but still I had really hoped to be under 175 because that is the line where I go from being obese to being overweight.  So while I can't say I'm disappointed, losing weight without calorie counting, and without feeling hungry is always a good thing.  But at the same time, I had hoped for a little better.  But it is a good start, and the only way from here is forward.  Going back doesn't afford any benefits whatsoever. 

Looking at my measurements I would say they make a lot of sense.  My body always loses inches in my waist and torso first and legs last.  Also, I haven't noticed any visual difference in my arms, so I'm not surprised they haven't changed.  The measurements support the observation of being able to buckle my pants tighter around my waist while the legs still fit fine.  Before Whole 30 I didn't really use a belt, and now they won't stay up without one.  That's the problem with having my body shape I suppose, having a smaller waist and larger legs means my pants always fall down unless I'm wearing an elastic waistband. 

Last time I did the whole 30 I was very excited to do introduction and to get back to eating a lot of foods that I couldn't eat on the plan.  This time around, I'm not even doing introduction, I'm just sticking to eating Whole 30 foods, and I'm going to add in a few other Paleo foods that aren't allowed on Whole 30 for some meals, just so I have more options available to me.  I'm going to order at a restaurant as close to Whole 30 as possible, but they always add something that isn't approved, like sugar, or corn starch, or soy sauce.  But I'm not going to worry about that too much.  I'm not going to weigh myself for another 30 days, and just continue to work on eating healthy and increasing my exercise.

I made sushi!  It uses avocado as a base instead of rice to make it perfectly whole 30 compliant.  It was so amazingly good, I didn't miss the rice at all.

Friday, August 26, 2016

A visit to the chiropractor

Day 29.  I've been feeling pretty good this week, but I'm also ready for the 30 days to be over.  Not so that I can eat poorly again, but just so that everything doesn't have to be so strict.  So that I can eat out and have shrimp and cocktail sauce, and cook from my Paleo cookbooks and not worry about reading every single ingredient.  The plan is to basically keep doing what I've been doing, only with a few less restrictions. 

I went to the Chiropractor the other day and he did three tests to see how my nerve function was.  His whole philosophy is that the nerves are essential to body function and when your spine is not in its proper place, then your nerves are not able to transmit their signals effectively.  The scans revealed that my neck was a mess, which explains my blackouts during yoga and when I get out of the hot tub.  I'm not sure if I've written much about them, but in Yoga if I'm bending over and then the position moves and I'm suddenly standing up with my head looking at the ceiling, which happens in practically every yoga class, my vision goes black and I get light headed and can't think clearly.  I just focus on breathing and wait for my vision to return.  I've never passed out or lost consciousness although a couple times I came really close.  It's the reason why I quit doing yoga.  The scans also revealed that I lacked muscle tension through my spine which was causing my lower back pain, and also probably the cause of all those times I pulled my lower back muscles when I was working out a lot two years ago.  I never pulled my muscles while working out, but while lifting my kids.  Also interesting to note was that in my lower spine, there were several spikes on the graph which the doctor said explained why my feet go numb when I'm working out (They always go numb doing Turbo Fire) and also when I'm skiing.  The idea is, that once the spine is in its proper place, the nerves are not being pinched by the bones and they can function properly.

I love how he does the tests, because it's bringing modern science into a realm of medicine that traditionally goes along with acupuncture and herbal medicines.  By using the scans you can actually see what is going on in your body and also if the treatments are improving anything.  All my life I have always leaned towards the scientific versions of medicine, what we think of as "medical doctors".  But as I've gotten older and more interested in living a healthy life, I've started drifting to the more traditional type of medicine.  Taking on the mentality of trying to improve my health on my own, without pills, through diet and exercise and properly taking care of my body. (which yes, I know, I stunk at this last year.  I did not handle my miscarriage well at all.)  Now I understand and know that modern medicine is super important, but I've come to find, that it doesn't have all the answers.  For instance, I know there is a problem with my fertility right now.  My cycles are not quite right, and I'm pretty sure it's my hormones.  After charting for one cycle, I can see that I'm not producing the right kind of cervical fluid, which could mean that Luteinizing Hormone is out of whack for me.  Now it might just be that my body needs more time to fully heal from the trauma that it went through last year, and there might be more underlying issues as well.  But the point is that OBGYNs won't even look at you unless you've been trying to conceive unsuccessfully for at least a year, because that is what is defined as infertility.  Perhaps by that time my hormones will have fixed themselves but in the meantime I want to know what is going on with my body. 

Just like with my blackouts, a medical doctor would most likely prescribe a pill to try and fix the symptoms, instead of addressing the source of the problem.  I feel like too often this is the case where we are given medicine to treat the symptoms instead of trying to fix the actual problem.  I know this isn't always the case but we have all heard stories and my recent experience with my miscarriage and the subsequent three months landing me in the ER at 2am has left me a little bitter.  That doctor should have known something was wrong, my levels were dropping super slowly and every time I asked about it all I got was "sometimes it just takes longer for some people" quickly followed by "Hopefully next week will be your last blood draw".  I suppose what I needed to do was switch doctors at that point. 

And when I've seen the podiatrist about my feet going numb I get this "you have poor circulation in your feet, lets make you some expensive orthotics to correct your arch and see if that helps".  Which of course they don't help the numbness in my feet.

Now I'm rambling, but I have hope that some of my issues just might be resolved or at the very least improve.  After my adjustment yesterday, I went about another 6 hours and then my lower back actually started feeling better, on the same day after one adjustment.  I'm glad I decided to go into it with an open mind, I'm hoping for the best.  Just to be clear, I'm not saying that chiropractors have all the answers, or that they are better than medical doctors,  rather this particular chiropractor (who sees things a little differently than the traditional chiropractor) claims to have solutions to some of the problems that have been plaguing me for nearly a decade.  I suppose time will tell.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Three days and counting

Almost done with this Whole 30.  My bloating is gone, my stomach doesn't hurt anymore.  My energy, while not where I want it to be, has been sustainable throughout the day.  I still feel tired but I don't have the intense crashes I used to have where all my energy would leave my body and I would feel like I couldn't move.  I had two great days on Monday and Tuesday, my energy was really high through the whole day.  Today I have been much more tired, probably because I'm recovering from Monday and Tuesday but more likely because I didn't sleep well last night. 

I have made two discoveries.  1 is that I love chia pudding with coconut milk and cinnamon and fruit.
This is simply two cups of coconut milk, six tbsp. chia seeds, cinnamon to taste and mango.  The pudding alone is not sweet and the fruit adds just the amount of sweetness and adds a lot of flavor.  My favorite fruits to add in are berries, mango, peaches and nectarines, and kiwi. 

Number 2 is that I know how to make fish and chips without a recipe.
I used a mixture of almond and coconut flour that made the fish taste great.  It was really good and I don't miss the corn flakes or bread crumbs. 

I've been hurting a lot lately from my increase in movement with taking Lily to school and picking her up, plus I've added in a light Zumba workout.  30 minutes, and I'm trying to get it in three times a week.  My lower back around my SI joint has been hurting a lot.  My mom recommended me to the Chiropractor.  I'm  bit skeptical.  I've heard people who love the Chiropractor and I've heard people who hate the chiropractor and my own family is no help because my dad hates them and my mom loves them lol.  So I've got an appointment for tomorrow for a free scan.  I'm sure I have a pinched nerve or something.  I had really bad SI pain when I was pregnant with Lily, and I've had pretty much constant lower back pain for several months, I just deal with it I suppose.  Tried to stretch it, I thought it was just a muscle bugging me.  Tried to take pain meds, they don't help, I even thought at one time it might be my kidney's, but the pain is too low.  It would be great to be able to be adjusted and not have pain anymore.  I just don't want to be stuck going back to the chiropractor for the rest of my life.  But I don't have any experience with chiropractors so I figure I better get some first hand experience and hope for the best.