Thursday, November 13, 2014

Easier Said than Done

When I realized I was a binge eater about six months ago and I declared my war on binge eating and trying to nix that behavior I had no idea what was in store for me.  I had no idea it would be so incredibly difficult.  Over the past several days I have really been down in the dumps.  I eat just to have something to do, I eat to distract myself, I get "in the zone" and I go from one bad food choice to the next, plundering the kids Halloween candy, and countless other sources of food.  I thought I was making progress, addressing my emotional issues, which I honestly feel I have resolved.
  1. I made peace with my 6th grade self, and decided to just let the past go.  My parents love me and were trying to help me when they put me on the Slim Fast diet and had me run the treadmill.  They were trying to prevent exactly what I am going through right now, only I was too stubborn to just go along with everything, I had to lash out and resist.  But I have made peace with that past.
  2. I have made peace with my present.  Ever since deciding to be a stay at home mom and giving up the "dream" of being successful in the workplace (doctor, teacher, dental hygienist, physical therapist... I bounced around a lot of different professions), I have been kicking at the pricks.  I had to overcome my own feelings of uselessness because I wasn't contributing to the household income.  I had to overcome my feelings of inadequacy, maybe even a little bit of resentment.  I have finally humbled myself enough to accept the fact that THIS is where I am needed, THIS is where I am supposed to be.  My kids need ME to raise them, not a daycare. And the value of my soul is not measured by how much money I can make.
  3. I relieve stress through exercise, or by going to find a quiet place for a few minutes where I can decompress instead of going to find a cookie.
So why then do I still still struggle so much with binging?  Perhaps because it's habit.  I've noticed that the worst comes in the afternoon.  We have been busy all morning and around 1:30-3:00 we have some down time.  Chloe is taking a nap and there is a lull in the day.  I get tired, so I want to eat.  Lily still need attention but I'm tired so I try to get a break by eating.

Maybe what I really need is to plan a nap for myself.  When Chloe gets to bed maybe Lily can watch a move and I can relax.

One thing I have learned about tackling the problem of binge eating... It's definitely easier said than done.

I managed to get through yesterday without binging, although I did overeat.  Today has been promising, and I have my plan in place to prevent myself from binging and I will be out this evening so I won't be home to stuff all the food in my face.  I am sticking to my no desserts until after dinner rule, and it has been difficult.  The afternoon is prime baking time, but it is more important to me to stop stuffing myself with food to the point of feeling sick and to become healthier, and happier. 

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