Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Loving myself

I am tired of despising myself.  Tired of comparing myself to others, tired of trying to look like certain people at the gym, and tired of chasing the worlds idea of beautiful and "the perfect body".  You see I binge eat because I don't like myself and I try to escape from my reality in various ways.  I stuff myself full of food because I can't face the stress of trying to be something I am not, of trying to look like someone I don't, and trying to do things I hate.  You know what.  I'm so over it now.  I'm not saying that I don't want to improve myself, or that I am not going to be setting any goals or that I don't want to continue progressing.  I do want to continue to be the best person I can be and keep working on becoming a better person.  Continue making choices every day to live like who I want to be, but who I want to be is not who society tells me I should be.  THAT was the disconnect.  I am tired of hating my body and wishing I looked like someone else.  I am tired of depriving myself of things I like to eat.  That was a huge fear that was holding me back from progressing and getting back on track.  I figured that once I got back on track I wouldn't be able to eat what I wanted anymore so I just kept overeating and overeating telling myself I would start tomorrow or next week. 

Well I'm through with that.  I am just going to let it be for now, love my body for what it can do, congratulate myself for the progress I've made, do the exercise I love, and eat what I love.  After a few months we will see where that leads me and then re assess the situation

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