Impulse Eating

I have solved another piece of the puzzle.  I realized today that I am an impulse eater.  Or in other words, I am very much a part of the whole instant gratification mindset that plagues our world today.  Tonight as I was in the middle of a mini binge (it could have been much worse) I was asking myself why I couldn't wait to eat more sweets until tomorrow, or until a few days from now.  I didn't want to stop, I wanted sugar, and I didn't want to argue with myself.  (It's very hard to talk yourself out of a situation when you don't want to be talked out of it).  The answer I gave myself in that moment was "Because I want it now!"  Which was revelatory for me.  I can be a very impulsive person, and I get very strong impulses (usually around shopping or when I want something new, like a dog, or computer game, or whatever the new thing is) and not only are they very hard to resist but I actually have no desire to resist them.  Of course that means that most of the time I end up giving into my impulses, and hence another eating issue has emerged.  Realizing that; no amount of self talk is going to get me off the ledge when I don't want to come down from it.  And so I have been approaching this particular part of eating the wrong way.  I know about eating when I'm bored, or stressed: emotional eating, I have been trying to find better coping mechanisms, but solving my impulse eating and my instant gratification mindset is a whole other animal. 

This is something I need to work on as a whole.  I need to recognize my impulses, label them as impulses and the hard part is to not give into them.  When I have an impulse the draw is incredibly strong, it's time to start exercising some self control.  I do have a few ideas.  For eating, allow myself two treats a week, and these are going to be planned in advance.  It's not Thanksgiving DAY or your birthDAY or Christmas DAY that causes trouble, it's all the other days in-between.  I need to shake off this instant gratification mindset, become more selfless, more humble........ Maybe I should think up some service projects to do, start thinking about others, become less of a consumer and draw closer to God.  For the longest time I figured that when my weight loss journey was done, I could work on other things like spirituality.  But now I realize that I can't continue on in my weight loss journey until I start taking care of my spirituality.  I am too obsessed with food, thinking about weight loss and food and exercise all the time.  I don't want to be obsessed with it.  If I can change my focus, stop thinking about it so much then I will have made a significant step towards living a life free from my crippling addiction to food.

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