Friday, November 6, 2015

Where do i go from here?

The question I have been pondering over the past several days is this: How do I take back control?  I have thought of doing another Whole 30 but the thought of giving up soda and panini's and not being able to eat out at all has turned me against it.  I've thought of going Paleo but then I couldn't drink my soda or eat any bread.  I would have to go gluten free and that is a pain in the butt.  Also I wouldn't be able to eat any popcorn.  So what is the answer?  I dread calorie counting.  Actually I reinstalled My Fitness Pal on my phone and tracked for a whole half a day before deleting it again knowing that I wasn't going to be able to keep it up.  I am in a real pickle.  I feel like I have just lost all motivation.  What I really want to focus on is eating healthy.  Maybe what that means is making sure I eat three solid meals a day, not junk food, and cut out sugar.  I'm not sure that is possible though.  If I could cut out sugar except for holidays and special events that would be a major victory.  I don't know if I can do it though.  I am filled with self doubt.  I am weary of this fight.  I feel battered and broken and have lost the will to try.  I can't even maintain in a normal way.  At least not yet.  I'm back up to 156.5 and I am so crushed.  Why do I do this to myself.  How could I let this happen?  I feel pudgy.  The 10 pounds I put back on, I can feel it in my face, on my legs, my arms, my stomach.  It doesn't feel good and yet I can't bring myself to do much about it.  I'm tired.  So tired of the mental drain, the physical drain and the emotional drain. 

So for now I'm just going to try to eat healthy meals and snacks.

1 comment:

  1. You are not alone in your path...quite honestly you have more company than most are willing to admit! Thank you for your honesty, sharing your vulnerability and helping others see that they are not alone. You will find the best path to get you back on track, although sometimes it is not in the timeframe that we think it should be! You are amazing and can get back to where you know what it takes! Don't be so hard on yourself...just thinking about your current place shows you will get to where you want!