How do you eat your sugar?

Thus begins day 3, and I felt better today than I have the past few days.  Day three is still technically the withdrawal phase, but I didn't have a headache today, and my aches and pains have pretty much disappeared, at least for now.  The hardest part of today was the afternoon right after my workout.  I really wanted a diet pepsi and to eat a bunch of chocolate cake.  It's a good thing I was at the gym and not at home.  By the time I got home I needed to make dinner.

This morning I felt more energetic.  I slept better last night.  This morning I made Southwestern scrambled eggs for breakfast.  I made the salsa from scratch which was pretty easy with my manual food processor.  I really enjoyed the breakfast but Matt thought the eggs were too greasy from cooking them in the oil, so I will probably half the oil next time and see if he likes that better.  I think they could have done with a lot less oil as well.  I could always just skip cooking the eggs in oil and get my fat from another source like nuts or avocado or olives.

The salsa was great and I'm sure it will taste even better tomorrow.  I filled the rest of my plate with leftover sweet potato and Brussels sprouts from yesterday to get all the veggies I'm supposed to have.  We had a ton of errands to run this morning and the kids did great.  I had to add an extra stop on at the end because Whole Foods stopped selling Ghee a few months ago.  Fortunately I remembered my sister telling me they sold it at Sprouts.  (Ghee is butter with the milk proteins taken out of it).  At Costco I found this:

Avocado Oil!  Super cool.  It's one of the really healthy cooking oils, along with coconut oil and extra virgin olive oil, and comes highly recommended.  Now that I have been out shopping several times my grocery bill is getting a bit larger.  I can't seem to get everything I need in one trip or at one place.  I am not focusing too much right now on buying Organic, that will come in time, but I did get organic eggs today and wild caught salmon. 

Lunch was a build your own lunch style.  First you put protein on your plate, then fill the rest with veggies, and add 1-2 servings of fat.  So this is what I came up with

That's the sausage I mentioned two days ago, I had macadamia nuts for my fat and a nectarine with my lunch.  One of the big things they talk about in the book how to eat your fruit.  Fruit is the sweetest thing that you eat on the plan.  You can eat it because it is a real food and it is natural and fruit is healthy or you.  However if you have a sugar addiction (like me) and bad habits around sugar (like me) and you crave sugar (like me) you need to be very careful on how and when you eat your fruit.  They recommend starting out with only two servings of fruit a day and eating them with your meal.  Not before or after your meal, or for snacks.  This is because many people will have dessert after dinner and if you usually eat sugar after dinner and you stop eating cookies but you still eat fruit your brain is still getting sugar after dinner.  It doesn't know the difference between the sugar in your cake and the sugar in the fruit.  All your brain knows is that it wanted sugar and it got sugar.  Therefore you are not breaking any habits at all.  Another example is if you usually have a candy bar in the afternoon.  If you replace your candy bar with, say, a Larabar (which is only dates and nuts and therefore whole 30 compliant)  you are technically complying with the plan, and technically eating healthier but you are not changing any of your habits.  You are still eating sugar for your snack in the afternoon.  Instead you should replace your afternoon snack with a protein and a fat combo, like eggs and nuts, or beef jerky and avocado (If you find you even need a snack anymore).  This is an important step in retraining your brain.  So today at Whole Foods I found some Organic dates.  I love dates, they are so good.  So I bought a small container and ate some right before lunch (probably shouldn't have done that but I really wanted those dates and I analyzed why I wanted them and concluded it was because I haven't had fresh dates in a long time and not because I was craving sugar so I decided it was safe).  I ate four dates and put them away and then continued making lunch for the family.  However in a very similar scenario, I was also wanting to eat some dates this evening after dinner.  Again I analyzed why I wanted the dates and I concluded that it was because I was stressed and upset because I spent an hour making dinner and the kids didn't eat it and my cauliflower mash didn't turn out right.  So I decided not to eat them because that would not be keeping with the spirit of the plan.  That would be stress eating and filling my head with sugar because I was upset and normally when I'm upset I want sugar.  So I said no and cleaned up dinner.  By the time I was done cleaning the kitchen the craving for sugar was gone.

My energy did fall a bit around 2pm, but I was headed to the gym.  It was a tough workout and I didn't finish like I wanted to.  I decided to do a run since I missed all the morning classes and I didn't want to swim or sit on a spin bike.  I only made it running about 25 minutes and had to walk the rest of the hour.  (I did fast walking on incline).  I hope that I improve quickly and I'm assuming that I will need a few days to get back to where I was as I'm still recovering from being sick (I still have a cough although my tooth pain is gone).  I still managed to keep my heart rate between 145-155 and burn 570 calories in the hour.

For dinner I made a really good Shrimp pasta with Romesco sauce where the pasta is Zucchini noodles.  (You jullienate zucchini to get noodles)

And you can see my cauliflower mash on the bottom that didn't turn out.  It's supposed to be the consistency of mashed potatoes and it was really runny.  Also I missed the spot in the directions where it said to add the garlic to the boiling water while you boil the cauliflower, so I added fresh garlic to the blender and it was just way too strong to eat.  I woofed down mine with my zucchini noodles because I spent all that time making it, and didn't have any other vegetable to substitute it with.  My stomach protested much of the remainder of the evening and I couldn't get the smell of garlic out of my mouth.  I want to try the recipe again only cooking the garlic the correct way and maybe using a little less chicken broth so it is a bit thicker.  I also noticed while I was cooking that I am almost out of onions and running low on garlic.  I'm going through them a lot faster as there are onions in almost every single recipe.  (good thing I like onions and garlic).

I'm starting to get pretty tired now, but it's getting later so that is a good thing.  Hopefully I can feel good tomorrow too.  I'm taking the kids to the Zoo.

Oh! And one more thing I wanted to mention is this.  There is a lot of cooking involved when you eat this way.  I might have to find a way to make multiple meals a day, or multiple veggie dishes unless I want to cook every single day, which my desire to cook every day doesn't usually last long.  Maybe if eating this way stabilizes my mood and keeps my energy levels up I won't be so opposed to it and my enthusiasm will last longer.  Tomorrow I enter the phase called "Kill all the Things".  I'll tell you more about it tomorrow :-)

How do you approach the plan?

Last night I still didn't sleep well. Too hot and my lower body ached terribly. I'm contributing it to getting over my cold combined with doing more activity than I have in almost two weeks.  My joints ached and I was hot. The kids woke up in the middle of the night and were awake for a long time. I guess that is the trade off for them going to bed early.


You aren't supposed to weigh yourself while doing the Whole 30, and that is a bit of genius right there.  If I'm not losing as fast as I want to or think I should I tend to get discouraged and give up.  I'm estimating my starting weight around 153 because I was 151 before my off week and a half, and I probably have about 3 pounds of bloat on me (156) and I don't want to include that in my start weight because I can get rid of that doing what I was doing before.  I want to see how much fat I lose, not how much water weight I lose.  
Starting weight: 153

No Tracking:  Huzzah!  *happy dance* you eat within the guidelines they give you and then tweak the portion sizes as you listen to your body.  The hunger test is simple: does steak and broccoli sound appetizing? If yes you are probably hungry for real, so you can eat more or add a snack. If not you are not really hungry so don't eat. Tough love.  They are big advocates of learning to listen to your body because your body knows how much you need to eat and if you get all your hormones functioning properly by getting rid of all the hormone altering foods you are consuming then you can learn to listen to your body and trust your body and learn when and how much to eat.  There is a fair amount of trial and error built into the program.  You can increase or decrease the size of your meals, you can add snacks if you need to or take them out.  You can have pre and post workout snacks.  So a lot of variability.  A note on hunger directed eating.  I think that when you start out, tracking is super important.  It makes you aware of what and how much you are eating.  Also many people don't know how much to eat, what to eat and you need to start somewhere.  Some people need to start reducing their calories from eating 3500 calories in a day.  In which case calorie reduction and counting are important.

Another important thing to consider is your approach. If you approach this from the viewpoint of I want to lose weight and you tackle this like every other fad diet then that is what it will be. You will suffer for a time, see some results, fall off the bandwagon and then quit and gain all the weight back plus more.  That is not what we want to do.  Instead I'm using this as a tool to guide me towards eating healthier, getting in touch with my body, ridding myself of cravings, and learning how to cook and serve and eat healthier foods.  I want it to spring me forward into a major lifestyle change.  All the diet foods have served their purpose and it's time for me to move on.

So this morning I made poached eggs and hash browns, skipped the toast (although I made some for my husband), and put fresh baby carrots and green beans on my plate for good measure (potatoes technically count as a vegetable but I wanted to make sure to get in some traditional veggies too). And had half a mango with my meal.   Between breakfast and lunch I was not hungry but it was hard for me to identify because I still felt stomach upset a little and it is hard for me to differentiate between just not feeling 100% and true hunger. I have always eaten when my tummy is a little sick, maybe believing that if I eat I will feel better.  It doesn't always help but it's a habit I have that I need to break.  Lunch was leftovers of yesterday's breakfast, and I made Matt a grilled cheese and the kids had cheese, pretzels, grapes, and turkey.  Then Matt decided that today was a good day for a chocolate cake.  Test of resolve number 2 (the first being pizza and cupcakes at the birthday party). But this was a huge test afterall it's only day 2 and I could easily start over tomorrow. But then I reminded myself that there will still be cake tomorrow, and there will always be reasons and excuses to quit.  I made the cake and didn't eat any of it. Not even a lick. The hardest part turned out to be not licking the bowl or my hands or snacking on the pieces that fell off (and when I bake layered cakes they always fall apart. Remember the birthday cake I made for Lily last year?)

I did it though and I'm proud of myself for it.  This afternoon I was a bit constipated, starting on that symptom already.  My headache wasn't as bad as yesterday and I actually feel better today physically than yesterday.  I didn't get hungry much this evening so I chose a smaller plate instead of a large plate and had some leftover chicken and kale plus a really yummy sweet potato and Brussels sprouts bake. I ended up eating around 6:00 which is huge for me because I'm usually starving by 5:00 even if I ate a snack.  Today I didn't get hungry at all (again filtering out the desire to eat cake and the queasy ness of my stomach). I just did the hunger test and all I wanted to eat was junk food and sweets and to have a precious diet Pepsi, steak and broccoli was not appetizing until about 6pm. As it was I ate much less than I normally would have and I feel stuffed.  This is definitely not one of those starve yourself type of diets.

Matt put the grill together today (woohoo!) now I can start grilling up a storm just as soon as I get the propane tank filled.

Ready. Set. Go.

I really want to do this.  It has been a very long time since I have actually achieved any of my goals I have set for myself.  I have been going backwards since hitting 145 a year ago.  I have set goals and failed time and time again since then to accomplish them.  Hitting 140?  Didn't happen.  Never again seeing 150 on the scale?  Didn't happen.  Stop binge eating?  Still struggling.  Regulate my eating so it's not so up and down?  Yeah right, it's like one week on one week off right now.  Lose the holiday weight I gained? I've still got 10 pounds to go.  Participate in a triathlon?  The rug was pulled out from under my feet.  I will get back on track tomorrow?  My husband says he would be rich by now if he had a quarter for every time he heard me say that. 

So here I am feeling like a big fat failure.  My confidence and self esteem are shot and I'm gathering up the broken fragments of my remaining determination for one last hurrah.  Which brings me back to the beginning.  I really want to do this, and do it right.  I want to see what it can do for me.  Can it change MY life like it changed so many others.  In an interesting turn of events, as all my regular cheerleaders have taken a backseat since I have been struggling for so long, my Mom has stepped up and is cheering me on saying that this is something I can do and helping me along the way.  I'm getting all teary eyed just typing this.  To have my mom on my side helping me and supporting me, even just through small comments such as "you've got this" gives me an indescribable feeling and determination.  I want to do this for me, and I want to do this to show everyone I can, and I don't want to let my mom down.  Mom's are precious, and hold a tender place in our hearts and can influence us in ways no one else can, even when we are grown and have kids of our own.

Anyway, enough of the sappy stuff *wipes eyes*.  Agenda:  Here are some things I am going to keep tabs on over the next 30 days:
-Chronic fatigue: I wake up tired, get some energy for my workouts and remain tired the rest of the day.  Which makes me not want to do anything with the kids and makes me feel more guilty about being a bad mom to my kids.
- Poor Sleep: I wake up a lot at night.  Toss and turn.  Probably helps contribute the the whole chronic fatigue thing
- Mood regulation:  Lets see if this helps me not be all over the place, feeling good for a few days then feeling depressed which leads to the next thing
-depression.  I feel like I spend way too much of my time feeling depressed, and I feel like I shouldn't be depressed because I have life pretty good which of course makes me feel guilty and more depressed
- food cravings and obsession.  I've already talked about this at length in my previous posts
- weight loss- this is huge.  I want to be below 145 by the time I finish the 30 days.  I would be lying if I said I was doing this only for the other health benefits. 

I finished reading the book last night and started meal planning for the week.  You are encouraged not to snack in between meals so I only had to plan three meals a day, planning snacks as well starts getting time consuming.  I'm going to stick as close to the plan as possible and for now that means no snacking.  When I ramp up my activity again and start doing more intense workouts I will make sure to add some extra protein and fat (what they recommend as a snack).  What I like about this program is that it isn't all black and white.  They give you the tools and you are supposed to figure out how much food your body needs.  It's the whole learn to fish vs giving someone a fish type of thing.  They tell you what to eat, and even give you estimated portion sizes but it is entirely up to you to decide how much is right for your body and how frequently you need to eat. 

I decided to go ahead and start Day 1 today since after eating about 10 molasses cookies I realized I really couldn't put this off any longer.  I needed to start now.  My eating habits are so messed up I am in dire need of help.  They talk at the end of the book about extending the program if you need it, and I think I might be one of those people that need it.  You do a minimum of 30 days because that is the minimum amount of time needed to change.  I'm thinking of doing 30 days exactly as the plan says and then doing another 30 days almost exactly as the plan says, but I might add some rice back in here and there.  I have to give up my Juice Plus for the duration of this challenge because it contains oats and all grains are forbidden.  So I'm thinking day 30-60 I will add back in my Juice plus.  We will just have to see how everything goes.  The only thing coming up is my birthday on the 20th, and well... it's my birthday so I can do what I want and I don't have to eat cake or ice cream if I don't want to. 

So here is a summary of how Day 1 went for me:
Day 1

 I woke up tired but determined.  Matt snored a bunch last night, combined with my late night sugar dose kept me awake until about 1am.  My sinus infection is slowly going away.  It feels much better today although when I bounce around my teeth still hurt.  For breakfast (the largest photo in the collage above) I had 3 eggs with 1 tbsp coconut oil, onions, green beans, bell peppers and 1/2 avocado on top.  After breakfast and cleaning the kitchen I was feeling more awake and we were off to the grocery store to get the first load of Whole 30 groceries (picture: Top left).  In the picture you can see all the yogurt, that's for the kids.  Yogurt is not whole 30 approved.  The point of the picture was to show how many veggies were in my cart.  I've never had so many veggies in my cart before.  I also bought something I've never bought before: coconut cream.  It is used in many recipes to add thickness and creaminess.  The morning was a bit hectic as we had to leave to go to a birthday party pretty soon after we got back from shopping.  The party was from 11-2 so I wanted to make sure I packed a suitable lunch.  I pulled some Chicken sausage out of the fridge and after quadruple checking the ingredients, decided they were safe.  I don't know if you can read that ingredient list but it says chicken, dried apple, salt, fruit juice concentrate from apple, pineapple, pear and peach.  Spices celery powder in a pork casing.  Everything looks clear. Pure fruit juice is whole 30 approved. 

In the mid morning I was feeling kind of queasy and a bit grumpy but that is probably due to several days of bad eating and lack of sleep.  I did well at the birthday party.  I created my own lunch of sausage, green beans, carrots, 1/2 avocado, 1/2 mango, and a little less than a serving of almonds.  The parents of the birthday girl are just finishing their whole 30 so they were totally supportive.  The kids had a good time, even if they did get sprayed a lot with the squirt guns (my kids can only dish it out, they can't take it.) and broke into tears about twelve times.  They also played on the playground which had a tire swing and they got way dizzy and a little nauseous so we decided to go straight home instead of going to a different store to pick up a few specialty ingredients (like clarified butter). 

I kept myself busy all day and I didn't feel hungry in between meals.  Around 3pm I started getting a headache (probably due to lack of diet pepsi today) and was getting increasingly more grumpy.  I cooked dinner (bottom right in the picture) which was a coconut curry chicken with lots and lots of sauteed kale.  The guideline is first put your protein on your plate, then fill the rest of it with veggies.  I made these recipes out of the whole 30 cookbook.  Each recipe serves 2, so I doubled the chicken and made one recipe of kale.  So I took half the kale since I figured that was about as much as I was supposed to eat.  I ate three small tomatoes that we grew from our garden.  Lots and lots of veggies.  I'm feeling very tired right now.  My headache has subsided and I got the kids to bed early so that is a huge stress relief.  They were being awful tonight.  My general feeling is kind of cruddy but I know it's going to take a while before my body starts feeling better.  I didn't do myself any favors this past week with food.  I was sick and depressed, and to make matters worse I was sick in the head not the stomach so I pretty much just ate to cope.  I am now going to sweep and mop the kitchen floors since it is only just about 7:30 and the kids are in bed so I can actually do it without getting interrupted and I don't want to do it tomorrow.  Day 2-4 are supposed to be the worst feeling days (physically) on the plan.

All in all not a bad day 1, only 29 days to go.

It Starts With Foood

This morning I woke up and pretty much felt the same as yesterday.  I had a ton of blood tinged gunk drain out of my nose over the first hour and a half of the day, I will spare you the rest of the gory details.  So I dedicated most of today ready my book "It Starts With Food" by Dallas Hartwig and Melissa Hartwig.  Or in other words, the first book that teaches you about the Whole 30 diet.  I took the kids to the gym and camped out in the cafe.  I have several things mulling around in my head now so hopefully I can get this all out in an organized and coherent manner. 

What I like about this book is how it goes through and explains everything in detail.  It goes through the science, and the biology (and you know me, I love biology) and explains how food acts in your body.  It outlines four good health standards that your food should meet and the very first one is the one that most weight loss bloggers talk about at nauseum: Food should promote a healthy psychological response.  This is where we talk about our sugar cravings, emotional eating, uncontrollable binges, unhealthy relationships with food, and all that stuff we are trying to beat but just can't seem to win.  While I found the other four points interesting, informative, and pretty important, this is the one that resonated with me the most.  The psychological effect that food has on me.  This is why the book I found and loved last year "how to have your cake and your skinny jeans too" doesn't work.  While I agree with a lot of things in her book, and my ultimate goal is to be able to live and eat intuitively, you can't cure sugar cravings by feeding them.  In the book Josi says that the reason why we crave certain foods is due to restriction.  While that certainly has a psychological effect on us, the authors of "It Starts with Food" (lets just call them the Hartwigs so I don't have to keep typing out both their names) make it clear that your body's biological and hormonal responses are much stronger than your willpower.  Doesn't that always seem to be the case?  We can white knuckle our way through for only so long before the urge to eat becomes too strong and we give in. 

Source

Without rewriting their whole chapter on this topic (which might be hard because I really loved that chapter) basically refined sugar and artificial sweeteners are much sweeter than anything we could find in nature, eating sugar then creates a very real chemical and hormonal response in our brains and our bodies.  The food processing industry puts extra sugar, corn syrup, MSG etc into foods to make us like them more.  These foods trigger the reward centers in our brains, more specifically for all you biology nerds like me eating these foods releases dopamine, the feel good neurotransmitter, which then "reinforces food seeking and energizes your feeding.  It gives you that rush of anticipation before you've even taken your first bite. "  (Think about daydreaming about eating a cookie).  The other side of this is the hormonal response that these foods create, basically creating insulin and leptin resistance.  Also, since there is no real nutrition in say cookies the only biological signals you get to stop eating them is the feeling in your stomach when you have to manually force yourself to stop eating or face the consequences of overindulging.  (And if you are like me, stopping eating these foods once you are in full swing can be so difficult that often I just take the consequences of overindulging.  That is a classic sign of dopamine working alongside messed up hormones, combined with consuming a food that has no nutritional value so my body doesn't tell my brain it's nutritionally satisfied.  Ok, that's the best summary I can do I hope it made some sense.  I also really like the chapter on hormones, that was very fascinating and explains why many people have such a hard time losing weight, especially through calorie restriction.  But this is why Josie's idea of "eat whatever you want, even if it's cookie dough" idea is flawed.  Because for the food addict, you always want more.  You don't eat cookie dough three times and decide you've had enough, because you are dependent on it to change your moods, make you feel good, and your brain becomes hardwired to want it because it feels so good.  (In the moment that is, we don't need to get into the pity party that takes place afterwards).

Moving on.  This book made me cry.  This book is well written, funny, informative, includes testimonials from real people at the beginning of every chapter, and makes some pretty intense promises.  One of which I think we can all relate to.  The third promise is simply this:  "You will never again be controlled by your food.  Freedom."  Isn't that what we are all hoping for?  Isn't that what we are all striving for?  Having a healthy relationship with food, freedom from food so we can live our lives to the fullest.  What I wouldn't do to no longer be enslaved by food. 

So let's talk briefly about some of my previous arguments against Whole 30: Isn't it really restrictive?  I heard you can't eat hardly anything.  It's too strict. 

Ok so it's not for everyone.  If I picked up this book at 211 pounds I would have laughed in it's face and thrown it out.  In fact, I laughed in its face at 155 pounds and it was only when I was ready for it that I picked it up and seriously considered it.  Did you catch that?  It was ONLY WHEN I WAS READY.  Ready to do it for myself, because it would give me the push in the right direction that I needed.  I love the go at your own pace idea, make small changes, do what you can when you can and that is exactly what I've been doing.  It's what got me to lose and maintain a 60 pound loss in the first place.  Only maintaining is very hard for me right now.  My eating is all over the place, and my emotions are up and down like a roller coaster ride.  I have gone from eating really poorly to eating less poorly.  I seem to be coming up against the transitional foods a lot in other bloggers posts lately.  Where they talk about how some people knock the processed health foods because they aren't really all that healthy and some bloggers defend them and some don't.  For me, those foods helped me get where I am.  I live on Chobani fat free black cherry yogurt, fruit and protein bars, healthier chips, whole grain breads, and a lot of other choices that the Whole 30 deems as generally unhealthy.  They are right, they are not the best choices, but for me they have been the better choices.  They got me to where I am, but you know what.... they are also keeping me at where I am.  I am ready to move out of the transitional phase.  All those bloggers who have lost tons of weight and seem to effortlessly maintain?  Yeah, they are eating unprocessed whole foods.  Eating much healthier than me.

Weight loss is a journey, this is the next step in my journey.  

Time to change

Over the last few days my cold has turned into a sinus infection and the pain on the right side of my face hurt so much my teeth were aching.  I looked in my essential oils book and it said to use eucalyptus oil and to swab the inside of your nose with it.  Since I was home most of the day yesterday I made sure to swab every few hours, or as often as I thought necessary.  Every time I swabbed it would cause a ton of gunk to come out and this morning I actually felt better for the first time.  That was pretty cool.  Now it could just be a coincidence since I have now been sick for 8 days, but I do feel like the eucalyptus oil helped.  I know for a fact that every time I used it my sinuses emptied out.  So I thought that was neat to actually see some results and to get some success using the oils. 

I've started playing my flute again.  I picked up a bunch of music at the music store and some pieces online that I want to work on.  I got this brilliant idea to play my flute for my grandparents.  My grandma on my mom's side has dementia, and my brother played his trombone for my grandparents last week and she really enjoyed listening.  I've been wanting to start playing again for a long time and this gives me a reason to play and to work on new songs.  I'm pretty excited.  I've got a bunch of good stuff to keep me occupied for quite some time.  (It also gives me more stuff to do in the day and maybe can help keep my mind off food..... maybe).  I also picked up a rhythm kit for the kids.  It has a drum and a triangle and some other percussion instruments, and a beginner recorder book for Lily.  I'm going to start teaching Lily how to play the recorder and how to read music.  I'm sure it will be slow going but whatever exposure she gets will be good for her.  I also want to do some rhythm activities with the kids with their new instruments.

In other news, things seem to keep going from bad to worse in the triathlon field.  I talked to my father in law today and he said the third guy might not come through after all and that he (my father in law) doesn't really want to pay for the trip up to Aspen (hotel room) to do the triathlon.  So it seems like we might not do it at all now and we might try to get our admission tickets changed over to a different triathlon in August (the one where we are relaying and I'm running and my husband is biking). 

Well I've been thinking about this whole journey and where I am now and what I need to do to progress.  I feel like I have the exercise part down pretty good.  I have found lots of activities I like, and when I'm not sick I get between 15,000-25,000 steps in per day.  But I am just not making it with the food portion.  I have been trying for a year and a half now to get my eating under control and to change my eating and eat healthier and I just have not been able to do it.  I realized it was time for a major nutritional overhaul.  In times like these I feel like you might need a push forward.  I started looking at what beachbody had to offer since I had a good experience with Shakeology.  I had pretty much decided on their 21 day ultimate reset and I started talking to my mom about it.  She said I should try Whole 30 first if I wanted a detox program, it's pretty similar to the 21 day ultimate reset (only without all the supplements) and the huge bonus is that it's free. (Compared to the ultimate reset which is $200 just for the program and supplements). 

Holy crap I'm actually going to do it.  After ridiculing it, I'm jumping on the bandwagon.  Now it is important to approach this from the right angle and for the right reasons, otherwise it is just going to be a bunch of wasted time.  I am not looking at this as a diet or the magical cure to all my problems (although I'm sure it will help (It had better help!)).  I am approaching this from the angle of learning something new, experimentation, and taking my journey to the next level.  I want to do the whole 30 program because I want to cleanse my body, get rid of food cravings, feel better physically, boost my energy, and stabilize my mood.  All of which the creators of the whole 30 plan claim their plan can help with.  If I don't do anything, I'm not going to get anywhere.  I've been killing myself with exercise and getting nowhere.  I NEED to get my food under control.  I NEED to kill these cravings and learn how to behave myself around food, and how to have a proper relationship with food.  It is time.  Either I can keep doing what I'm doing now and continue getting nowhere, or I can change my food, learn a bunch of new things, try something new, and see where it leads me. 

I'm not going to tell my husband I'm doing it lol.  He eats whatever I put in front of him, and besides that he is gone from about 8am-9pm so it doesn't really matter what I make at the house.  And making a nicer breakfast for him will make him happier.  I will still get him sandwich bread and stuff to pack in his lunchbox, lets just be practical.  But hopefully the kids will benefit from eating healthier too.  We still have way too much junkfood in the house to get the kids 100% on the bandwagon, but you have to start somewhere.  I am aiming to start on Monday, but I don't know if I can read through all the literature, meal plan, and shop in time to start Monday.  I also want to blog about every day through the process, track the benefits, the drawbacks, the changes.  Everything I can and see if it is really worth it.  I'm also excited to see if there are certain foods my body reacts negatively to, and to see if it helps my seasonal allergies like some people say.  There is a lot to find out and to experiment with.... It's going to require more cooking and meal prep and the tricky part will be how to not eat out for 30 days without Matt discovering what I'm doing (He knows of the whole 30 diet plan and thinks it's ridiculous... which I did too, but now I have a purpose and a reason to do it and I have no intention of staying super strict after the 30 days, definitely planning on reintroducing foods, but sticking to healthier food choices.)  Maybe I will just tell him I'm really focusing right now on eating clean.  The Whole 30 is less strict than the Ultimate reset which is another desirable trait.

Well I'm going to read the book a little bit before bed and hope that I feel good enough to go to Zumba tomorrow,  If not I will just take the kids to the gym and read my book anyway.  

Weekend Mayhem

I just got back from the most depressing vacation I've ever taken.  The last time I blogged was Thursday just before lunch.  My cold hadn't really developed yet and I was fairly optimistic.  Well Thursday night was the worst night I've had in a very long time.  Despite taking medicine my head hurt so bad and my nose was producing so much snot that I thought I was going to die.  I didn't fall asleep until after 2am when I went downstairs and slept on the couch to try and elevate myself.  Friday morning was the worst morning I'd had in a long time.  I felt awful and we almost decided not to go on vacation this weekend.  It was the worst cold I have had in a very long time.  Getting everything packed and getting the family into the car was quite a feat in and of itself. I guess the good thing is that because I was feeling so bad Matt just decided to eat out a bunch and I didn't have to make food.  I was supposed to pack a lunch for the family but that didn't happen.  Friday afternoon we stayed at Mt. Princeton Resort playing in the hot springs.  When we arrived it was pouring rain.  We waited in the car for about 20 minutes and then met up with my inlaws.  We were able to play in the pools for about 30 minutes when another storm hit and we had to get out.  We waited around for about 45 minutes to an hour before we could get back in.  That was the last storm thank goodness and the kids had a great time playing in the pools.  Matt and I tried to escape for a little bit to the adult pools which were across the river, but we were only gone for about five minutes when we heard Lily screaming her head off.  And we could hear her across a raging river!  (Remember the two downpours?  Yeah, the river was raging and very loud and we could hear her over the river in the secluded adults only area).  Fortunately nothing was wrong and the reason why she was screeching was because I had left.  Well that put an end to anymore trying to escape the kids. 

That evening at the cabin the adults stayed up to watch The Shining.  It was pretty much perfect since the movie takes place in a hotel in the mountains of Colorado and we were in a Cabin in the mountains of Colorado, and the party that takes place in the hotel with all the ghosts in the picture takes place on July 4th and we were watching it on July 3rd.  I was the only one who had seen the whole movie before and I felt so sick so I didn't watch it.  I really wanted to stay up, but come 9:40 at night I thought my eyes were about to fall out and my head fall off.  So I went to my room and put my headphones in to listen to soothing music and fell asleep.  Everyone was talking about the movie the rest of the weekend though.  Good thing I had already seen it or I would have really felt left out. 

We spent a few hours at the pools the next morning and Chloe just wanted to be held in the pool.  She practically fell asleep.  My morning was spent taking kids to and from the pool to the car to get a snack and some water and holding Chloe while she slept in the pool.  Around noon we left the hot springs and moved on towards Gunnison.  This was the best part of the whole trip.  The kids fell asleep in the car and when we arrived at Gunnison we stopped at a nice restaurant and had lunch (again I was supposed to pack a lunch but well, I wasn't feeling good, so that is two meals I got to eat out instead of make!)  It was designed like a hunting lodge with animals on the walls and the kids loved looking at the animals and pointing them out.  By this time though it was very obvious that Chloe was sick.  I probably gave her whatever I had.  She had a fever and wasn't eating anything.  Poor girl.  Despite that we had an amazing lunch and I had a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich for the first time in my life.  It was really good, I enjoyed it.  As we drove on to the ranch I bemoaned the fact that I didn't get to go swim in the lake like I was supposed to.  The weather was so nice and the water was perfect!  Oh well.  That night we had hamburgers.  It was the meal I was supposed to be in charge of  but I didn't do too much meal prep and the burgers didn't turn out too great.  When I say I didn't do much meal prep I mean our meal was hamburgers and I made the mac and cheese for those who didn't want hamburgers.  I felt so pathetic... Well mostly I felt sick and tired.  I didn't go on the bike ride that afternoon like I was supposed to, too sick. 

That evening was July 4th so we headed to a little town called Lake City to watch the fireworks.  Our whole vacation must have been cursed because it started to downpour right as they started setting off the fireworks.  It was a great show and we were really close so the fireworks were huge but the rain really put a damper on the whole thing.  I had to take Chloe back to the car because the rain got to be too much for her.  We were using the kids blankets as umbrellas.  More good news is that the kids fell asleep in the car on the way back so we didn't have to struggle putting them to bed that night, and I slept pretty well that night. 

Sunday morning dawned and I got up with the kids as usual and a nasty cough set in.  Fortunately everyone FINALLY decided to pitch in and help out with the kids that day and I ended up taking three much needed naps. (Seriously there were two grandparents, two aunts, and of course one husband, and no one helped with the kids until the third day).  My cough was really bad.  I was coughing for hours straight, coughing up all sorts of phlegm.  It was so miserable.  I was really sleep deprived from not sleeping well the past several nights and then all the activity we were doing due to being on vacation (even though I missed my swim and bike).  It was just as well I slept through most of the day because it rained all day.  Massive downpour.  It was kind of neat to watch the rain.  Sunday night I ate way too many desserts and it was the only part of the vacation I felt I ate too much and I should have eaten differently. 

Monday I felt the best I had but at 2:30am I had a coughing fit that lasted over an hour.  I had to leave the room where my family was sleeping because I couldn't stop coughing and I didn't want to wake anyone up.  We were able to walk around a little bit and ride the ATVs I took this picture of the kids playing in the stream from all the rain yesterday

Chloe was still pretty cranky since she was still not feeling too good, and of course I'm not all the way better either, although I feel much better than I have all weekend.  Right before we left I had a talk with my Father In Law who basically told me I wasn't ready for a triathlon because I missed too much training.  We were supposed to go swimming again today but Matt and I decided I should stay out of the cold water and just rest and make sure I get better and I don't get more sick.  It's been a bad spring for training.  It has rained more in Colorado this year than it has in decades and that has caused the kids to be sicker (colder weather), and a lot of training sessions to be canceled due to weather or being sick.  Well that sure took a huge chunk out of my self esteem.  Here is someone who has been a regular cheerleader for me for my fitness and he tells me point blank that I can't do it, I'm not ready.  Even if he is right (which he probably is, I really have missed a lot of training sessions and I haven't gotten in half of the outside training sessions I had hoped to get in) no one likes to hear that.  So we are going to take our two registrations and combine them into a relay.  I will do the swim (since I have a wetsuit, I might as well use it) my father in law will do the bike (he is the best at the bike and the trail is pretty technical) and one of my father in laws friends is going to do the run (he is apparently a really fast runner).  Which makes me the weak link of the relay team again.  And it means I have to make swimming in the pool a priority for the next three weeks which sucks, but I will just have to deal with it.  I really love swimming outdoors in the lake.  Swimming laps is just plain boring.

We left around noon to come home and drove straight home.  The good news is that both the kids fell asleep in the car so the trip home was pretty quiet, although I got really car sick (I had been getting car sick really easily all weekend).  It was a four hour drive home and since there was nothing to make at home besides spaghetti I got to eat out again!  Haha!  Another meal I weaseled out of making.  We came home, unpacked, showered, and now the kids are watching a movie before bed. 

I guess the good thing about not doing the whole triathlon is that I don't have to worry about training much for it.  Just the swimming.  So I can focus more on weight loss instead of training.  Also I can lay off the running and let the blisters on my feet heal.  I want to keep up my running a little though because I will be running in the triathlon relay I'm doing in  August.  (That one my father in law will swim, my husband bike, and that leaves me to do the run- again the weakest link.  My husband is a strong biker and my father in law is a pretty good swimmer *sigh* at least I'm out there doing something). 

So now the question is what do I do now?  I'm thinking of doing a combo turbo fire/Zumba/Swim routine.  Plus I still want to go mountain biking with Matt every so often.  I just hope that I sleep well tonight and feel better in the morning.  Right now I'm pretty depressed.

Re-Inspire Yourself

I'm getting tired of being where I'm at.  I was 152 this morning.  Working hard and feeling like you are going no where is discouraging.  Plus I picked up a cold from somewhere, of course it's right before our vacation.  It was incredibly windy last night and it really stirred up my allergies.  At 3am I woke up with snot pouring out of my nose.  I decided to take my antihistamine early.  About 30 minutes later my nose felt better but my head and throat hurt plus Chloe had woken up so I didn't get much sleep the rest of the night.  I woke up with a headache and not feeling too well despite doing nothing last night from about 8pm on.  I put the kids to bed and then put myself to bed.  I figured I was getting sick since I was so tired and my throat hurt.  Today I get the killer combo of having a cold plus really bad allergies.  Even maxed out on allergy meds my nose is still running.  But at least it's liveable.  This morning I wanted ice cream for breakfast, I was upset and my head felt awful.  I had two leftover pancakes and then I was going to go shower but as luck would have it the pilot light for our water heater had gone out.  I don't know if it was due to the wind or not but Matt couldn't get it re lighted.  So no hot water.  I guess that turned out to be a good thing because I decided to do Fire 45 from my Turbo Fire DVDs instead.  I was talking with a friend yesterday about how I broke through my plateau last year.  Basically it was by doing Turbo Fire and being very careful about what I eat.  I was also drinking Shakeology at the time.  Being sick and tired of sitting around at 150 maybe it's time I start doing more of what I did a year ago.  150 seems to be a natural resting place for my body.  I had a hard time breaking past that point the first time and now that I am here again, I'm having a hard time breaking past it again.  (Let that be a lesson to me never to reach 150 again or I will probably have to deal with a plateau again).  I'm thinking of getting some kind of health shake like shakeology to have for lunch to help me overcome this second plateau.  Lunches are the worst time for me anyway, I have grown tired of sandwiches and the general healthy options so knowing that I'm just going to have a shake will probably be a good thing.  I've been eating a lot more calories for lunch than I used to (Chips, bread, butter).  I'm thinking of giving some of the Doterra Slim and Sassy metabolic shakes a try since I can get them at a distributor discount.  Shakeology is just so stinkin expensive, it's like $150 for one month for a one time order (they slap on $15 in shipping for one time shipping.  Shipping is almost free if you order it on a recurring monthly basis). 

Anyway, that's just my thoughts.  I did get a picture taken of my awesome racing outfit!

Lookin' Good.  Since there was no hot water in the house and I was a sweaty mess after doing Turbo Fire

I decided to pack up the kids and head to the gym to shower.  Plus I get to hang out afterwards at the cafe.  Doing Turbo Fire really perked up my spirits and I am going to start incorporating more TF workouts into my schedule, especially the HIIT workouts.  If they worked before, they can work again (given that I keep my nutrition in check.  Blast that whole eating thing why does it have to be so hard!) 

I decided to skip the ice cream today as I managed to re-inspire myself, and all because the water heater was broken.  (Way to look on the bright side!  Let's not think about the $1000 it will cost to replace it.)  I've been getting tired training for the triathlon.  I'm kind of bored with it, so I figure I will just do what I can when I can and make sure I keep working out.  It is much better to change your workout than to stop working out all together.  The Tri is coming up in about three weeks so it will be over soon and I won't have to worry about training for it anymore.  I'm going to wear my new outfit for our bike ride this weekend.  I'm excited for that!  Hopefully this head cold thing doesn't get in the way of a good weekend out.