Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Jet Lagged

I've still been feeling jet lagged over the past few days and the kids haven't fully recovered yet either. Yesterday we went to a friends house in the morning and Chloe couldn't hardly play. She sat in my lap most of the time and fell right asleep when we got home.  She slept for three and a half hours and went to bed at 9pm which is unusual for her if she takes a long nap she usually won't go to bed until 10 or later.  This morning I was 154.8 so I've gone down a little bit, not as much as I expected but I really did a number on myself while on vacation and I drank a ton of diet Pepsi which I am sure is making me retain water. I've been thinking of how good I felt after my whole 30. I just felt so good and energetic and so happy and I want to get back to that place again just to feel good. I'm tired of feeling bogged down by food and feeling bloated and tired.

Yesterday I had my first flute lesson and I was so nervous. I don't know why but I was sweating like crazy on the way over and my hands and feet were sweating and my hands were shaking. I kept thinking to myself that this is stupid! I am going to a person who is going to help me and work with me and make me better, I have no need to be nervous! But I couldn't calm myself down. If you've ever started taking music lessons with a new teacher the first thing they have you do is play something for them so they can asses your playing style, your technique and your level so they have an idea of where you are at and how to help you. I knew which piece I wanted to play, it was a piece I have played a lot and performed twice yet when I played it for her I was such a nervous wreak that I totally botched it. I had to stop in the middle and start the phrase again because I just messed up so badly. My fingers were shaking and I kept missing the notes in the fast part and I was so nervous my face was sweating and my flute kept falling off my face. I kept thinking this is so ridiculous! Why am I so nervous!? But my body had a mind of its own and wouldn't listen to the logic from my head. I hate it when that happens. After I played my new teacher proceeded to turn my whole flute playing career upside down. Turns out I learned the flute when they were teaching a certain technique to new students in band class and that technique has now been proven to not only not work but to actually be harmful to a persons playing because it places the flute up too high on your face and created a lot of extra tension. So now I get to spend the next 4 weeks unlearning bad habits. Story of my life!! I feel like all I'm doing right now is changing bad habits, bad eating habits, bad exercise habits l, bad drinking habits.

Well hopefully some good will come from all this bad habit changing and hopefully I can be successful at changing these habits. But I was really happy with my first lesson even though I was totally embarrassed by how badly I played and then I couldn't do the exercises the had me start to work on changing my habits. I was thinking "no! Let me go home and practice this and then you can hear me play, because right now I can't even make a sound ony flute doing this!" But now I have nothing to fear because I did so awful during the first lesson I should be good on the next, and now that I know her I should be less nervous.  Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I have the opportunity to better myself and that I can do something for me to develop my talents and do something that I really enjoy.  I'm also glad that I talked to my brother about picking a flute teacher before I settled on one.  When I was taking lessons in high school my teacher didn't say anything about my embouchure or teach me the proper way to breath.  It was all just working on music and practicing notes and rhythms.  And while those things are important having a correct mouth placement and proper embouchure seems to me to be the most important thing you can develop.  It's the foundation on which all your playing comes from.  So I am excited for my lessons and feel like I can really improve and do something with my flute playing. 

Anyway, today was a pretty good eating day.  I did have a bite of croissant bread at dinner time, but not a whole roll.  My mom made a really good chicken stew and a salad.  I had to pick up Pippin from my parent's house today and I got a free meal with it.  I also braided Lily's hair.  She surprised me by asking for me to braid it that is the first time ever so I'm not very good at it right now but it turned out cute enough even if it didn't stay long.

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