Monday, January 18, 2016

Return to what I know

Well I finally made it past day one.  *phew.  It wasn't easy either.  I decided to do another Whole 30, or in my case a Whole 365.  Except that this year is leap year so it should be 366, but today is day 18 so.... whatever, you get the idea.  Moving on.  Back to changing bad habits.  Bad habits don't change without work.  If I want to feel better I'm going to have to work for it.  The first two weeks of this year got me no where.  I didn't feel like I was making healthier choices and I was right back in the snack and sugar zone for several days around Chloe's party.  So Whole 30 it is.  Only modified ever so slightly.  Purists would say that it isn't really a Whole 30 then, but I don't care.  The point is not necessarily to do a Whole 30.  It's not about the diet this time.  It's about feeling better physically.  It's about having better mental clarity.  It's about not being a slave to food.  It's about being a happier person because I know that eating crummy makes me behave crummy.  I am much more grouchy when I eat sugar.  That's just a fact.  If I want to be a better mom, yell less at the kids, have more patience, have more energy, then I need to get my butt into gear and stop living my life in a food fog. 

Today was tough.  It is not easy to break through the food fog.  So many times today I just wanted to sit down and snack.  I eat to change the way I feel.  Not only emotionally but physically too.  If I'm uncomfortable physically, I think eating will fix it. (when usually the opposite is true, and not eating is the only thing that can fix it).  I hate feeling even the slightest bit in pain.  Or cruddy I suppose.  And I immediately think that I need to go eat to fix the feeling in my stomach, because it's usually my stomach that is upset from so much junk.  So of course I go and eat junk to fix the feeling in my stomach which leads to feeling even more sick which leads to eating more junk and it's just a bad cycle until I'm too sick to eat and I go to bed and wake up the next morning with a mild stomach ache. 

Yes today was hard.  I wanted to eat around 10:00 and 11:00 and again at 1:00 and 2:00.  Lily asked for popcorn today and my head was screaming "YES!" but I am glad to say that I refrained for once.  I am serious about doing another Whole 30 (with one slight modification).  That modification being Shakeology for lunch.  Whole 30 does not endorse eating shakes for meals as it is trying to teach you how to eat real food.  Shakeology also contains a few off plan foods like Whey protein and I'm sure there is probably some form of sugar in there.  But I feel good when I drink Shakeology and lunch is the worst meal of the day for me.  I never know what to eat and gosh darn it I just can't cook and clean three meals every stinkin day.  I need one free meal that requires minimal making and cleaning up.  I have never been good at making all my meals for the week in one day, or power cooking as some call it.  I do much better making one large meal and eating if for the next three days, and then making something else. 

I went to Costco today and stocked up on meats, fish, and veggies.  My freezer is stocked and I'm ready to start feeling better.  I just have to hold on with both hands and make it through the first two weeks.  Then I will be feeling so much better and have more energy, and it will be much easier to resist temptation. 

One day down.  I don't want to have to repeat day 1, it stunk bad enough.  I physically felt bad from so many poor food choices.  It will be nice to get all the crud out of my system and start feeling good again. 

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