I made it through the last two days. It's been tough, but I have come to a few realizations over the past few days. I've been thinking about why I'm doing it this time. Before it was always to lose weight. Now, not so much. Now it's not about deprivation, it's about freedom from food. It's not about weight loss, it's about living a better life and being a better person. I am an angry, grumpy, and lethargic person when I eat a lot of sugar and when I don't eat well. It is hard to eat healthy, it is hard to not eat sugar and to not snack all the time. Sometimes in the afternoon I get these urges in my jaw to just eat something. It's like a weird twinge in my jaw that just wants to much. And not on gum or anything healthy. I want to snack, and much sweets and buttered popcorn. I want to eat because it's a habit that I have created. Not out of boredom, not out of emotional eating, but just because that is what I do. In the afternoon, I go munch. Then of course I feel bloated with food and I just feel awful and cranky. So this time, it's about changing habits, and becoming a happier and less angry person. A person with more energy who isn't so obsessed with food and weight loss.
It is hard, but it is necessary. Sometimes we have to do things we don't like to do because it is something we need to do. The right thing to do isn't always the easiest thing to do. Cleaning up my eating is the right thing to do, and it's probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.