Time

I'm going to try to get back in to blogging much more frequently.  Trying to just sum up how the day has gone.  This past week was difficult.  Mostly the weekend.  My grandmother's funeral was this weekend and there was a lot of food around for the funeral and we were sent home with leftovers. 


My grandma was cremated and placed in a side by side urn.  She is in one side and Grandpa will be in the other.

I couldn't really control what was available, which turned out to be fried chicken.  I ate potatoes and chicken and some vegetables and tried to stay away from the dessert table.  I didn't have any dessert at lunch time but caved in after dinner and ate two cookies.  But I call that a success.  Anytime I don't binge on sugar and exhibit self control is a success.  Besides, we are doing long term, not short term starvation.  I do have to be careful with sweets though, I notice that I get headaches really fast when I eat sweets.  So that is something I am going to try to focus on is how the food makes me feel, not how I am feeling when I eat it.  Some things just aren't worth the after effects.  I also notice that it is much easier to avoid consuming unhealthy foods when I am not hungry.  So if I haven't eaten lunch or dinner and I really want something sweet, I need to just make sure I eat my meal first.  Sunday's are hard because we have church from 11-2.  I need to bring a snack but I'm not sure what.  I have some Whey protein bars but when I eat them I get really moody and cranky and I don't feel that good.  I think it's because of the Whey and my body doesn't like whey. 

Today I started my new exercise program!  I did the first Cize DVD and had a good time.  I'm glad it's only 30 minutes long for the first week, I haven't exercised in over a month waiting for my body to heal from the miscarriage  (I should be finding out today if my hormonal levels are finally back down to zero).  I have had to get my blood drawn 5 times, plus all the extra bleeding from the miscarriage, I didn't want to add exercise into that mix.  Today was harder than I expected, it's been a while and my body has been through some major changes, plus of course the 20 pounds I gained.  But I'm not deterred!  Onward and Forward. 

Another thing I am doing now that is helping is I have gotten rid of the sense of time.  Every moment is a new moment.  In order to try and rid myself of the bad habit of eating something bad one day and then saying "well I guess I ruined today and I better just start over tomorrow so I'm going to eat everything I can today because it's all off limits again tomorrow", I am getting rid of the idea of time.  Each moment is a new moment.  So if I ate a cookie at lunch I'm not saying "well I ate a cookie so might as well throw away this day" I am saying "this is a new moment and a new choice, and in this moment it is important to make a good choice".  Every choice I make matters. 

So that is what is going on with me right now, I plan on checking in much more frequently from here on out.