A New Focus

I have been thinking a lot lately about where I am and what I am doing and where I want to go, and I think that there has been a disconnect in my reality and my mentality.  I feel like mentally I have progressed but in reality I am still holding back.  I realized that my goals do not motivate me anymore.  Since hitting my healthy weight range I have not really been motivated by the goal to lose weight.  Yes I still want to drop the last 20 pounds and get to my goal weight, but just the prospect of losing the weight isn't enough of a drive to keep me going.  I want to progress in my eating in reality but my eating has been all over the place because I really don't have much driving me, I don't have a goal to pursue.  A year and a half ago I had a huge list of things I wanted to improve on and I feel like I have made good progress on that list.  I still have a huge list of things that I would like to improve on but I was listening to the Half Size Me show this week and at the end Heather challenged us to do something differently.  If something is not working then you need to change it.  Instead of doing what you always do, do the opposite.  So what I usually do is make a huge list of goals and then I feel overwhelmed and then don't do anything.  Instead, I have decided to pick the two things I want to improve on that are at the top of my list.  The first being a Mom. 

The realization struck me a few days ago when we had a cold front go through and it was 35 degrees outside all day and so we were cooped up inside, not having any other plans to get out, and the reality that winter was coming and more and more days like that are on their way made me feel utterly inadequate and like a terrible mother.  Then of course there is nothing worse for your self esteem than to see what everyone else on the internet is doing with their kids.  But some good came of it as I decided to finally do something that I have been wanting to do for a long time: set up more of a routine or a schedule with the kids.  I picked several topics I wanted to cover and activities I wanted to do: music, math, science, reading and found several great blots with lots of free resources.  For music there is a site with free recordings of many children's songs.  We did music time last night for the first time and my kids just absolutely loved it.  I made folders to organize everything and put all my findings in:

This is about the peak of my organizational skills.  The colors don't mean anything.  I had the folders left over from doing Pampered Chef.  I never really used them, so it is great to be using them now!

I am really excited to start tomorrow, I've made a quazi schedule of things to do.  There is no time limit and I'm keeping it really informal.  It is basically going to last as long as their attention span does.  I also have free play and reading and outings on my list but those don't get folders.  Tomorrow we are headed to the Library to pick up books about apples because our theme for the next two weeks is apples!  So we have an apple song for singing time along with other finger plays and active songs, and apple science (we are going to make an apple volcano!  I never would have thought of that, I love mommy blogs!) and even apple math ha!  Homeschooling blogs are great. 

Anyway, I think that it is really going to help me feel like I have more of a purpose and I think it will help the kids too, give them a little more structure and fun things to do besides watch TV and fight with each other.  Oh, and no we are not doing every subject every day.  That would be way overwhelming.

So number two on my list of things I want to set a goal for was obviously exercise, fitness, nutrition, health.  That is all lumped into one hence this blog.  As I was thinking about this I realized a few things.  First I realized that before I always had something I was working towards.  When I first started losing weight, my older sister was getting married in 5 months and I bought a dress two sized two small for me, I managed to fit into the dress but barely!  After that I fell off the band wagon for a little while until I learned that my sister in law was going to be getting married soon and I worked towards that, and in the middle (since they didn't get married for about 10 months after I found out about it) my sister and her new husband became really involved with Herbalife, so I was caught up in that hype for a little bit to tide me over to the wedding.  After my sister in law's wedding I most recently became active in a Beachbody Turbo Fire Challenge group and I really got into that with posting and getting points and doing the workouts and I had a great time.... until it ended.  And now I am here doing nothing because I have nothing to work towards.  No real goals, no real timelines.  The second thing I realized is that I need to make a goal that is more health and fitness related versus weight loss related.  If I work towards health and fitness then the weight loss will be a side effect from the changes and choices I make.  Someone once told me "if you want to look like a runner, you need to act like a runner, if you want to look like a swimmer, you need to act like a swimmer, if you want to look like a zumba instructor, you better act like a zumba instructor!"  That means what you eat, your exercise, the way you think, it all comes down to: If you do what they do, then you will look like they do.  I hope that all made sense.  Anyway so I set a goal..... not just a little goal, a big huge crazy madness goal that makes me nervous just thinking about it but also gets me so excited I couldn't sleep last night because I was trying to figure out if I could really do it, how to make it work.....  Are you ready to hear my goal?  I decided that come next spring I am going to do a Triathlon.  That's right, not just swimming, not just running, not just biking but ALL THREE!  Crazy I know.  My father in law is really into triathlons and I told him this morning and I think I'm his favorite person in the world now.  He goes "that's the best news I've heard in.... well in a looooong time!"  It was pretty awesome just feeding off of his excitement. 

I searched online for a training program and ultimately I decided to put something together for myself.  I did cross country in high school, but I'm not a runner, and I also did some swimming too.  Of all three sports, I like swimming the best and I don't have easy access to a swimming pool so I am going to save swimming for last and worry about it later.  I found the accelerated couch to 5k program (4 months) and a 10 week cycling program that I am planning on just repeating each week to make it a 20 week program and I'm going to mesh the two together and throw in some Turbo Fire/Zumba and weight training.  Then when it gets closer I'll start the sprint triathlon training programs. 

Still working out all the kinks, but I'm ready to get started tomorrow!