Re-vamped

So I finally figured out what I want to take away from that book.  As you know by now some of my main goals have been to stop binge eating and develop a more normal way to eat besides cycling through being good and being bad.  So after reading that book I know that now I need to make sure that I don't restrict foods, or make them off limits (even subconsciously which might be more difficult).  And I also want to make sure that I tune into my hunger better.  I want to work on eating when I am hungry and stopping when I am satisfied.  So I am going back to my three month challenge but I am making a few changes.
  1.  I will allow myself to eat when I get genuinely hungry regardless of my calorie consumption for that day.  This is important because it stops the deprivation feeling.  When you are genuinely hungry it is your body's way of telling you that you need more food.  When we override this feeling we trigger the message that food is scarce and our body starts going into starvation mode making food the most important thing, and just about the only thing we can think about sometimes.  Leading to food obsession and then binge eating when our willpower fails. 
 2. My calories will be more of a guideline as I strive to check in with my hunger throughout the day.  So if I am not as hungry that day I am free to eat under my 1750 count, if I am hungrier I will allow myself an extra snack or two so that I don't feel so restricted. 
3. I'm going to weigh myself every two weeks to check in with how I am doing.  Therefore I am going to take the plunge and make September 16th my first official weigh in.  I'm not sure how much my week long dive into the donuts and Doritos phase will effect my weigh in.  Hopefully it wasn't enough to undo a month's worth of work.  I would still be happy if I was about 140, which is now behind where I was hoping to be at that point, but we will just have to see.   With some luck I will at least be lower than when I started, which is 146 but I am hoping to be lower than 143 which is my lowest.

Today was the first day back into Turbo Fire.  I've decided to do another round of Turbo Fire, it was nice having a schedule and I didn't have to face indecision about what I wanted to do that day.  I felt bulky and tired which I know  is because of the way I have been eating this past week, but I made it through. 

Eating was tough today.  I didn't measure as much as I usually do, and I could definitely still feel an exaggerated pull towards junk food, so I allowed myself some chips and two cookies.  I think that my calories landed me somewhere around 1800 for the day, which is only 50 more than my max.  After you pull yourself out of the donuts and Doritos phase, the second phase is a mix between eating what your body really wants and being pulled towards food that you previously banned.  I want to make sure that these foods lose their grip on me so I am not restricting them.  After a week in phase one, I was mentally and physically ready to move on.  I went for full indulgence, and it wasn't pretty.  So now I need to associate the terrible way I was feeling mentally and physically with the foods I was eating so that I won't want to eat those anymore because I have associated eating those foods with feeling bad (not always the easiest thing to do when you are staring down a big bowl of cookie dough, or a plate of cookies or a bag of chips) but I think I made some progress. 

In other news, have any of you with younger girls noticed how incredibly hard it is to find anything with Elsa on it?  Holy cow, my kids are obsessed with Elsa from Frozen (poor Anna), and it seems like everywhere is always sold out.  I spent some time at Wal Mart today because I was getting the tired rotated and had two hours to kill.  I just happened to walk along the toy isle when they were stocking Anna and Elsa plush dolls!  I talked to the man stocking the shelves and he says they go through boxes and boxes of Frozen merchandise, and that as soon as he puts anything with Elsa on the shelves it's gone within a few days.  He said no one can keep it in stock because it flies off the shelves as fast as they can get them in!   I snatched up an Elsa one for Chloe for Christmas and asked Lily what she wanted, in the end she picked out a Sleeping Beauty doll which I was rather surprised at, but they were out of the Elsa barbie dolls (she liked the more life like and delicate detailing of the barbie type dolls better than the plushy type dolls) so maybe if those had been in stock things would have turned out differently. 

Chloe's Christmas present

I can't believe I'm shopping for Christmas already!  But my father in law has a birthday Dec 14,  Lily has a birthday Dec 15th and then Christmas, then My Mother In Law on Jan 13 and Chloe on Jan 15!  Besides I figure the closer we get to Christmas, the rarer Frozen merchandise will become.  So if I want to get anything for them for Christmas with Frozen on it, I figure I better get it now while I can (or can't since they still seem to be sold out of Elsa, poor Anna had about 30 dolls still in stock but Elsa was all sold out)