Wednesday, December 3, 2014


Well, I tried and I failed.  I have come to accept the fact that I just can't live like a naturally thin person.  I don't think or behave like a naturally thin person because I am not a naturally thin person.  My relationship with food is not normal which is why I have a weight problem in the first place.  If I am not constantly on guard and if I am not constantly trying then I end up going haywire.  I can't sustain anything and I find I am in a crazy food spiral that leaves me feeling depressed, angry, and frustrated.  I wish with all my might that I could just live like naturally thin people, that eating healthy was second nature to me.  But no amount of wishing is going to change that.  Now I am at a crossroads.  I have a decision to make and I have to make it now.  My pants almost don't fit me anymore, they have become really tight.  I have been a terrible example to my kids and I can see how it affects their choices of food.  We have been in junkfood and sugarland for quite some time.  I realize now that if I want to change that and get my kids to develop healthy habits I have to teach them, I have to be the example for them, and that is going to require effort, and hard work.  I have to work for it.

At a crossroads.... down one path I have made a decision to get back to the basics, accepting the fact that I just have to live my life differently than naturally thin people do.  I have to plan, I have to be aware, I have to be constantly on guard and watching myself.  I can't eat whatever and whenever I want because that is the path to emotional eating.  Down this path I can live the life of a thin, active, healthy person.  I hope to fully engage in life, and be active with my family when we go skiing, hiking, and all sorts of other activities.  Down the other path, I say screw it all I no longer care, and my weight goes back up and up and up over the next several months and years until I am right back to where I started, and then further.  I stop exercising, I stop living.  I am cranky, and angry and unhappy and miserable with myself. 

Two paths, the choice is clear.  I don't really have a choice, I can't go back.  I don't want to be the person that I was.  I want to be able to do things, I want to be active.  I want to be happy.  So it's back to the basics.  What was I doing when I was losing weight that made me successful?  I was weighing in daily, that kept me focused and gave me something to work on every day.  I was exercising 5x a week, lately I have been lucky to get in three times a week.  I have a gym now for goodness sake!  It should be easier not harder for me to exercise.  And lastly I was tracking.  Good old tracking.  I have a love/hate relationship with tracking which I am sure you probably know by now.  But it is something about the mentality of tracking that does it for me.  I can't just make healthy choices, if I am not tracking then it's a free for all.  I know that this isn't correct and it's faulty logic but that doesn't help with the emotional side.

And what to do about sweets?  I think I will just have to be extra prepared.  I will look at the calendar and plan my desserts and quantities so that I am not caught off guard.  If desserts present themselves and it's not on my calendar I will just have to say no.  I will just have to accept the fact that I will have to make some sacrifices.   Its either desserts or health and fitness and a happy life.  And I'm not cutting them out, just controlling them instead of them controlling me.  I have to learn to say no, and not feel deprived and not feel upset about not being able to eat them all the time. 

Today's weight: 152.8


  1. I wish I could give you the answer. I wish there was a simple solution to losing weight and keeping it off but nothing in life is easy. I have been struggling with my weight my whole life and I am 20 years older than you. I was 5 lbs away from getting my lifetime with weigIwish I could give you the answer. I wish there was a simple solution to losing weight and keeping it off but nothing in life is easy. I have been struggling with my weight my whole life and I am 20 years older than you. I was 5 lbs away from getting my lifetime with weight watchers and what did I do? I gave up and gained it all back plus more. I got up to the heaviest weight I have ever been and that is including being pregnant. I have found stress is the worst trigger for me gaining weight. Feeling sorry for myself, having pity parties, and being angry. I read the book that you recommended about food triggers and the book helped me by helping me with my relationship with God. I have figured out that I need to fix myself spiritually before I can lose the weight and hopefully keep it off.

  2. It seems as though you have lost a lot of weight by good ol’ fashion tracking (and exercise). As dreadful as tracking may seem it works. The reason WW has been around forever is because people know the program works… if you use it. Those of us who NEED to track can’t simply say “enough I’m full and move on”, we’re never quite sure, but with tracking there’s a tangible way to see we shouldn’t feel hungry. Getting back on track is the HARDEST part of weight loss; my only advice is get back to the basics…You already know what works for YOU…because you have proof you CAN do this! You didn’t lose so much weight by wishing you were naturally thin… you did it by determination, I’m sure a lot of “naturally thin” people in your life wish they had your determination. Rock out your success, forget your failures, and pick up where you left off. You aren’t at a crossroads, you know which path to choose believe in yourself …you have before & you can again.