Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Emotional Day

This post really has nothing to do about weight loss, but it's more for me anyway.  Today started out pretty normal.  Lily has been waking up much earlier lately since the sun has been coming up earlier.  The last few nights I have actually been able to sleep so that has been good.  This morning was a bit challenging lifting weights because Lily kept fighting with Chloe, and Chloe kept sitting on me and Lily kept getting in the way and even got her head bonked when I was lowering one of the weights.  She was alright, she didn't get hit very hard, so that is good.  Anyway, that was a bit frustrating, but I powered through my weight lifting: Lean phase 1 workout: biceps and triceps and was glad when it was over. 

Recently, I was put in charge of play group for my church.  Moms with kids too young to go to school will meet up once every other week and hang out.  Today was my first time organizing the play group.  We were supposed to meet at the park but typical Colorado weather threw us a curve ball and I told everyone to meet at my house instead since it was only 40 degrees and had a wind chill that made it feel like it was about 10 degrees outside.  I was expecting a few people to come, but I was surprised when no one showed up.  I guess that goes to show just about how popular I am, which is to say not at all.  I was a little upset that no one came, and I didn't want to take it too personally after all people are busy, and we did have to change the location of the meet up just one day ago.  Even though I told everyone that we would move it to my house a week ago if the weather was bad.  Still... giving everyone the benefit of the doubt, lets just say no one wanted to go anywhere because it was cold, or maybe the time was just bad.  The real test will be in the coming weeks if no one continues to show up. 

But even then, I thought someone would come.  I've been to many play groups before and I've been to many play groups where it is the organizer's first time setting it up and there is usually a few people there if not several people.  Well, even if it has nothing to do with me it still drove a thorn into my brain today because it really got me thinking about my friends.... or lack there of.  This is just a sensitive subject lately because my best friend is moving again.  Every time I have made a friend since I left college, they have moved within just a few months of us becoming good friends.  I'm not even exaggerating.  We moved back to Colorado in July 2010.  I had virtually no friends until I met Casey who is my exact age and has a daughter the same age as Lily.  It takes me a long time to really become good friends with people these days.  It takes several times meeting in public (like church or at a meet up) and then it takes several times actually hanging out to actually consider this person a good friend and to be someone that I call and text and enjoy hanging out with on a regular basis.  So after several months of knowing Casey, she became my first real friend when we moved here.  A few months later she moved to California where her husband was accepted to dental school leaving me once again friendless.  Enter Amanda, a Lia Sophia consultant whom I met at party I went to.  I went to a Lia Sophia open house she had at her house and we kind of connected.  I did a party for her and fast forward a few months later, she became my next good friend and was on the way to best friend status when all of a sudden, just about one to two months after we started hanging out, she moves to Texas where her husband got a job.  Leaving me once again friendless.  Then we moved about a mile down the road and switched church wards.  I didn't have any friends in my old ward so I wasn't upset about it at all and I was really hoping to make a lot of new friends in the new ward.  One year later, I know some people and have no friends.  Bonnie then moves into the ward, she is  my age and has two kids, the exact same age as my kids.  We talk, a few months go by, our older kids decide that they enjoy hanging out together because they are in the same class at church, a few more months go by, we decide to get the kids together, it's now early 2014 and around about March is when I would say we became really good friends.  So following my history, what is bound to happen?  That is right, I found out last week that they are moving to Utah in June. 

Thinking about this and the fact that I am soon to once again be friendless sent me into depressive fits and resulted in me crying from about 11am-4pm when my husband decided that we needed to go out to dinner because he loved me and wanted me to feel better.  He is so sweet that way.  He did make me feel better, and I stopped crying.  But by that time I felt so emotionally drained that I was kind of numb the rest of the day.  I have been trying so hard since we moved here to make friends.  I don't require a lot of friends, just a few close friends would be nice.  Late last fall I decided to get to know my neighbors, I met four women who are stay at home moms with two kids and all the same ages as mine, or around about.  Two of them I feel like I clicked with better.  One of them is my neighbor and I invite her over and we hang out every so often and we talk when we are both in our back yards.  We will see where it goes, so the end of this story isn't completely desolate.  There is hope and I am working on forging new friendships.  But realizing today that as soon as Bonnie moves I will have no friends in my church again was very depressing.  Yes, I know people, but we are not "friends" which has become very apparent to me over the past few weeks as when I am in a group of people everyone is talking to someone else, when I see someone I know and go up to talk to them the conversation dies out quickly and we move on.  It's not necessarily a bad thing, I guess we are more acquaintances than friends.  But still, it leaves me wondering if that might be why not one in twenty people showed up today.

1 comment:

  1. I just want to reach through the computer and give you a GREAT BIG HUG!!! I so understand how you feel. I don't make friends easy either... in fact, I've lived in the same ward for almost 7 years and just this year I finally felt like I had friends in the ward.... and now we are moving! If you every need to talk, you have my number :)