Monday, January 19, 2015

Monday Weigh In

Terrified, I gazed down at the small square box that would compute my efforts over the last week.  Passing judgement with one swift flash of numbers across the screen.  Almost unwilling to look lest I messed up, I hopped onto the scale, closed my eyes, took a deep breath and looked............

Why does the scale hold so much power over us?  It's because we so desperately want to be thin and the easiest way to measure our success is to see the numbers go down.  It shouldn't matter so much, I wish I were free from caring what the scale said, but I'm not there yet.  The scale showed my weight at 152.8.  That is a 1.8 pound loss!  I had a great day, but there is a nagging voice in the back of my head that is saying "I bet you would have been depressed all day if the scale had been up".  And I think it is true although I hate to admit it.  As I work to build more muscle I hope to move away from the scale as a means of measuring my success, as I get closer to my goal weight will the tension get stronger or smaller?  I don't know, but for now I am happy and I finally feel like I am gaining control of my food choices.  I no longer feel adrift and so vulnerable to whatever food may be lying around.  I have remembered that I am in control of my life, I am in control of my food.  I'm definitely more on the loose side of eating right now and I'm fine with that.  I would rather allow myself a little more food now, and a little more treats than binge later and face the feelings that binging induces.  Perhaps I haven't lost the war against binging yet after all.  There is still hope for me.  I can do this.

1 comment:

  1. Yay congrats on the weight loss. I have not lost any and when I weigh this morning I was up to 206.4. I wish I could get my eating under my control. Maybe your inspiration will inspire me!