Thursday, March 26, 2015

At First I was Angry

A few weekends ago my brother who lives in a different state flew in and stayed with my parents for a few days while he was auditioning for the local Symphony.  He wasn't expecting to get in since he still hasn't graduated with his bachelors yet (getting his degree in performance trombone) but he wanted the experience.  So he flew in and stayed with my parents Sunday, auditioned Monday, didn't make it to finals and flew out back to school Tuesday morning.  I found out about all this Monday night when I was doing my Mom's nails (that's when she told me about it).  I was shocked to find out my brother was in town and he didn't tell me he was going to be in town for a few days.  He chose to go visit our grandparents Monday night, which I suppose is a good thing.  I can't really fault him for that.  The thing that bothered me was that my older sister and her husband drove down and spent Sunday evening with him.  My whole family gathered together and ate dinner and enjoyed the evening..... without me.  Of the 5 other members in my family, no one bothered to call, no one bothered to text.  Family gatherings are getting more and more rare as everyone in my family grows up, gets married, and moves away.  I was hurt, why was I the ONLY person in my family who didn't know my brother was going to be in town?  I wanted to shout out, stamp my feet, send a text message to the family demanding to know why I wasn't notified.  In short, I was angry.  Perhaps I had some right to be, after all it would have been simple to let me know about the family dinner.  We weren't doing anything that Sunday night and could have easily gone over.  We could have even brought extra food.  But then I started thinking about my own actions.  I haven't really been very good at keeping in touch with my family.  When was the last time I even talked to or texted my brother?  A month ago?  When was the last time I talked to or texted my older sister?  Too long.  I hadn't made any effort to reach out to them, so why should they reach out to me?  Perhaps being left out was really my own fault for lack of putting forth any sort of effort.  How hard is it to send a text?  We are more connected today than we have ever been, and yet I go weeks, months, without talking to my older sister and my brother.  I realized that if I don't want to miss important events I am going to have to be the one to do something about it.  I can't change my family, the only person I can change is me.

As I was thinking about this experience I saw this same pattern reflected in my weight loss.  Sitting at 211 pounds I was angry.  Angry at the world, angry at skinny people (how can they eat whatever they want and not gain any weight), angry at the society (why does our society make it so easy to get fat anyway?) Angry at my culture (why do we have to incorporate food into everything we do?  And it's never healthy food, it's always junk food and sugar) Angry at myself (what is wrong with me) Angry at my body (Why did my body do this to me?  Why can't my body be more like my sister's body) Angry at my metabolism (Why can't my metabolism be faster so I can eat like my husband.)  In essence I was angry at everything for making me fat.  But guess what, I can't change all that.  I can't change our culture, I can't change society, I can't change skinny people, or (for the most part) my metabolism (at least not without a lot of hard work and effort which I wasn't willing to put forth).  I wanted to be skinny and now, but I didn't want to do anything about it.  The only thing I can change is me.  I can only change my own actions, and nothing will change unless I choose to do it.

I also realized this a few years ago when it came to friends.  I moved here and I did try to make friends, but I had a really bad run where all my friends I made moved away a few months after we became friends.  I was left miserable, and alone with a husband who worked practically 24/7 in school and work just to make ends meat.  I was upset and angry that I didn't have any friends.  Until I realized that really I wasn't trying.  I didn't know my neighbors, I didn't call people from church or attend play dates.  This is still a struggle for me.  I tend to get so caught up in my own life I forget to reach out to others.  I have been working to change this.  I went out on a meet and greet a little over a year ago and met my neighbors and now I am good friends with my next door neighbor, the neighbors across the street and also a girl who lives just up the street.  We all have kids about the same age so it works out great.  Still, I'm not as good keeping up with my friendships as I should be.  I want to make it a goal to meet up with someone at least once a week.

So my question to you is this.  What are you angry about?  Is it something you are trying to blame someone else for?  Is it something you need to just accept and ask what can you do about it?  Can you change anything about what is making you angry?  If not then you need to drop it and focus only on what you can do to improve or change your situation.

I found a bunch of great quotes on anger by Buddah.  I hope you find them as inspiring as I did



1 comment:

  1. I have been there and done that. I have been angry with my siblings and they not even know that I am mad with them. I had to work through it. Wishing you luck!