Cracked

Thursday and Friday I was barely hanging on.  Thursday was when I first felt the effects of my Zumba class on Wednesday and I'm not sure what I did (but I have a suspicion that it was all those jump squats) but I couldn't hardly move because my legs were so sore.  I was also incredibly tired because I stayed up late to watch a movie I had borrowed from my sister (Divergent), and to top it off, Chloe had developed a raging fever Wednesday afternoon (102deg) and right when the movie ended and I was going to go to bed she woke up, therefore I was awake for much longer than I planned.  Of course after that I couldn't fall asleep.  You would think I would learn not to watch movies late at night that I have never seen... but then if I didn't I probably would never watch any movies.  So I was pretty stressed Thursday and Matt was gone from 8am-9:30pm working and doing stuff for school.  Home alone with one sick kid, very tired, and can't hardly walk while the other kid is getting more and more restless because they aren't sick.  I definitely overate but was able to maintain damage control.  Friday was worse.  I still couldn't walk (if you have ever been sore you know the second day is often worse than the first day) and I was still tired because Chloe had another restless night.  My desire to eat healthy was all but gone, I didn't get much water in and my lunch consisted of ants on a log... after the various other things I ate before settling on that.  Still, I managed to keep my calories at about 2300 on Friday.  Matt was gone again all day, and Chloe was still sick and Lily was getting more and more restless.

Saturday I was determined to keep things together, I had planned on eating one piece of cake for my husband's birthday.  But then I had to make the cake..... and when I bake it is even harder to stay out of the yummy food.  Especially when you have to taste the frosting to make sure you put enough sugar in it.  We went out to eat for lunch and I already knew what I was ordering: Vegetable soup, but it took a very long time for our food to come, the kids were starving, Chloe was still sick.  It was very stressful in short.  Then half way through eating Lily says "I have to go potty" so I take her to the bathroom.... afterwards I had to pick her up to was her hands and that is when it happened.  I think I may have mentioned how I hurt my lower back in a core strength training class doing planks a few weeks ago.  Well I picked her up and my back just gave out.  After that I couldn't lift anything. I couldn't bend my back at all, the pain was very intense.  I was so upset, stressed, in pain, I couldn't even sit down because my back hurt so much.  It was too much.  I had been too stressed for too long and the food was too available.  Giant chocolate cake.... plus anything else I could find.  (Girl Scout cookies, popcorn...)  I cracked.  I couldn't weather this storm.  Yesterday and today have been a huge struggle.  My eating has been out of control and unchecked.  Mostly in regards to that chocolate cake I made for my husband's birthday yesterday.

Am I upset?  Yes.  Am I disappointed? Yes.  Do I wish I had stayed on track? Yes.  But I knew there were going to be bumps in the road and I know this isn't the end.  It's not an excuse to go haywire for the next few months, I just have to get right back on track tomorrow.  I'm going to switch to primarily swimming for the rest of the month.  I will be good for my triathlon training anyway.  Give my back a break and a chance to heal.  I'm not sure I could do Zumba in my condition right now anyway.  This isn't the first time I have cracked, and I'm sure it won't be the last but hopefully next time I can try to find another way to deal with the stress.  I did pretty good for two days, and lost it on the third.  That is a victory.  I wasn't out of control for four days, only two.  That is progress.  And as I like to say... Progress, not Perfection.