Friday, March 27, 2015

I don't do Injured Well

So if you've read my story you may have figured out that I don't do injured very well.  I don't deal with it well, and I'm not good at resting.  I like to ignore the problem and hope it will go away.  So of course this is what I have been doing with my back.  I've been trying to lay off the more intense workouts like Zumba that require higher impact and twisting and bending, but I have been doing swimming, which has been the best for my back but also walking the treadmill.  Which turned out to be a mistake since I was walking for over an hour in my cross training shoes.  I haven't yet bought running shoes and since I was wearing the wrong kind of shoes I ended up with some pretty severe blisters on my feet, which of course I ignored and then made worse.  The past few days I've been pretty depressed because I'm exhausted, in pain, injured, and I just want to sleep.  The kids have been getting up multiple times every night for the last four nights or so.  And by multiple I mean at least three times.  Highly disrupted sleep, my back hurts, my foot hurts, my knee I injured several years back hurts.... It's been awful. 

Yesterday I crashed pretty much all day on the couch, and for the past two days my eating has been out of control.  I realize now I was pushing myself too hard and I should have laid off sooner but I wanted so badly to reach the 140s again that I couldn't let go, and now it's backfired on me.  And it all happened because of a number on the scale.  The number on the scale drives us to do crazy things.  I'm tired of being a slave to the scale, tired of letting it denote my success, tired of defining whether I'm a good person or a bad person based on whether my weight went up or down.  The scale cannot tell me who I am.  If I have a good eating and exercise day I know it.  If I have a bad day I know it.  I know it when I am doing what is right and I know it when I am doing what is wrong.  If I wake up in the morning feeling good and then step on the scale and it doesn't reflect what I think it should I then feel like a failure and my day is ruined.  That's not a lifestyle, that's scale obsession.  Dieting to please the scale isn't maintainable, happy, satisfying, or fun.  So I'm going to do something scary and take the scale away.  Measure my success based on how I feel, how my clothes feel and how well I am living my life.  I want to live my life, not be a slave to the scale, not say "when I reach this number then I can start living my life" I want to live now, not at some unknown date.  I've lost enough weight that I can move well, I enjoy hiking, I enjoy walking with the kids, going to the park, going to the zoo, I enjoy a lot more activities now that used to be laborious, torturous, and hard.  Am I at my ideal?  No, I am still going to track, still going to exercise, and keep working.  Because it is a lifestyle, and I'm not going back, I'm going forward.  I'm going to keep progressing, focus on loving myself, focus on exercising so I can live, not living so I can exercise (more on that in tomorrow's post).  Liveable and loveable..... What lifestyle will you choose?  

1 comment:

  1. hugs to you.. wishing you the best of luck.. Im daily weighing right now, something ive not done.. well.. ever.. LOL I tried it a time or two, but the scale swings SOOO wildly some-times its' confusing and deflating, but the feedback im getting right now is really actually helping me.. we will see how it goes..