Twisted thinking

Yesterday I was still feeling pretty tired.  I did make it to Zumba and that is the only workout I did.  I wasn't quite as energetic as usual and I only burned 394 calories, about 100 calories less than usual.  My eating was much better, and I ended the day around 1600 calories.  I was really tempted to snack late at night because Matt and Lily were getting something to eat.  I caved in a little and had about 90 calories worth of snacks.  This morning I woke up with a headache but after breakfast I was feeling much better.  I felt much more alive today than I have over the past four days. 

Today at the gym I did my second brick workout which is where you bike and then run (nicknamed brick workouts because your legs feel like bricks once you get off the bike and start the run).  I felt pretty good, but I was having trouble keeping my heart rate up on the bike.  It is always harder for me to keep going at a certain speed when I have to manually keep pace (like with the bike or elliptical).  I was a bit more tired doing the run today than the last time I did a brick workout but I figure it's probably because I'm still recovering from whatever was going on earlier this week.  After my brick workout I swam 1400 yards.  I had to double up workouts today and I will have to run and swim tomorrow to get all my workouts in this week.  I felt pretty good, better than I have for a while.  After my workout I took the kids to the pool and we played for a little over an hour. 

I didn't eat too well for lunch and afterwards, but I still didn't go over 1600 calories today.  I just didn't feel like eating anything at lunch time so I only ate a string cheese and a yogurt.  But then I got really hungry around 4:00 and I snacked a little bit until I just decided to make myself some eggs. 

I'm still working on my mental self image and trying to beat down the mean self criticizing talk in my head.  I have been really hard on myself this past week.  It's really hard to not focus on how far I still have to go and what I don't like about the way I look.  Here is a real mind twister for you.  I feel fatter but my clothes feel looser.  Crazy no?  Why is our own image of ourselves so warped?  I have just been feeling really jiggly.  It's been a very hard week and I haven't been on track for the first half of it. 

We are finally leaving on our vacation tomorrow that we were supposed to go on three weeks ago so this will be my last post until probably Tuesday.  Sorry it's not the best post, my brain is feeling all muddled, but I wanted to put something up before I head out tomorrow.