Why does it have to be so Hard?

I know I haven't posted much lately.  I haven't had many good things to say, I've kind of been in a negative mood lately and I didn't want to complain too much too often on here.  Maybe it's because it finally heated up around here, and it went from the mid 60s to the 90s in about two days.  Our house doesn't do well in the 90s, especially the upstairs, it gets hot and stays hot even with the AC.  It doesn't usually get very hot where we live so our houses aren't built to stay cool in 90-100 degree weather.  Thankfully we haven't had any 100 degree days yet.  We had some the first year we moved in and it was horrible!  But sleeping at night is difficult because it is so hot and the rooms don't cool off.  Last night was the worst, we have some crazy people that rent a house behind us and they smoke pot all the time in the summer (stupid Colorado law) so our whole house fills with the smell of marijuana if we open the windows and  if we don't the house stays at 80 degrees inside (on a good day, on a bad day that can get up near 90).  I don't know if those are college kids or what but last night from 1am-4am they were drinking and playing monopoly and they were being soooo loud!  They kept yelling profanities, dropping the F Bomb every other word.  It was awful!  Matt called the police but they got a 911 call right before that which apparently required every cop in the city because they didn't get around to us until about 4:30am (Matt called the police at 1:30am) and by that time they had finally stopped.  They did this several times last year so I am sure it will happen again.  Maybe next time we won't have such unfortunate timing and have a life or death situation spring up (that is what the dispatcher told us, all the cops were busy dealing with a life or death situation).  So I suppose there is that to be thankful for.  A few hours of lost sleep and having my brain muddled with profanities is better than any of my families lives being in danger.

Yesterday we went up to my In laws for Father's Day.  We were going to go on a mountain bike ride but I was so tired, and I felt a little queasy.  I was thinking of mountain biking and just dreading it.  So I figured if I was dreading my workout, that probably isn't a good sign.  It turned out just fine since my father in law was also really tired and he hurt his elbow doing yard work.  I figured a day off would probably be a good thing.  (Although admittedly I've been taking a lot of days off lately.  I missed some of my workouts last week for the first time). I tried not to overdo it and I was able to take off 2.5 pounds of bloat from last week, so that was good... I have another 4 pounds to go to get back to where I was two weeks ago *sigh*  Why is it always so much easier to gain than to lose?  It is always harder to create order and so easy to create chaos.  We work for so long to build or lives and our healthy eating habits, we work so hard to lose weight and within just a very short amount of time I feel like everything can be blown out of the water, destroyed in one fell swoop. 

This week my goal is to get in all my workouts for my training, and get in one outside run, plus Zumba on Wednesday morning.  I want to keep my eating controlled, but this week I am not sure I am going to track.  I would like to focus on making positive changes and focus on doing what I can when I can.  I need a way of life, not a short term training plan.  I'm reading Roni's book What you can When You Can (WYCWYC) and I think that it is really important for me to start trying to figure out who I am and what I like to do and what I can do and what I really want to do.  I'm tired of trying to be someone else, tired of trying to be someone that other people want me to be, it's time to figure this out by figuring out what works for me.  I know it will still take time but accepting that I am doing my best is more important.  Thinking on that line, I am a person who likes to eat.  I like snacks, I like sweets and treats.  I think it is important to eat healthy most of the time but I might just be someone who likes treats a little more often.  In that case I have some choices.  Either I learn to live with it and accept that I will just have to maintain a higher body weight if I want to eat this way, or I change what I eat, or how often I eat.  I will need to figure out what works best for me.  What makes me happiest and brings me the most inner peace.

In other news, we pulled out Lily's old Orange dress my parents bought on their vacation to Mexico a few years ago.  Orange is Chloe's favorite color so she instantly fell in love with it.