Thursday, October 24, 2013

Emotional Eater

So Lily decided that she needed to wake up at 5:15 am this morning after going to bed at 9pm last night.  This is not a good set up for the beginning of the day.  Needless to say, she was happy all of two hours before she threw her first tantrum.  She refused several times to go back to sleep and woke Chloe up prematurely so now I had two cranky kids to deal with. It was still pretty early in the morning and my husband was able to take Lily in the morning so I could get some more sleep, so I was feeling frustrated but in control. We were planning on going to a meetup at the library today and that seemed to calm Lily down enough that I could get her dressed and fed.  I am really glad we went because it provided some much needed distraction for me and entertainment for Lily.  I think I did remarkably well staying out of the treats.  Someone brought apples, bless their heart, so that is what I snacked on. Plus there was string cheese so I had one packet of string cheese after Lily asked me to open it and then turned her nose up at it.  Lily of course was all over the chocolate pretzels.  But it was such great fun and I think I am learning some semblance if control. Or maybe it is just that I can't eat sweets right now.... I guess we will find out for sure in two weeks.
Here is a cute photo of Lily Coloring her Monster Picture and drinking her fruit/vegetable juice (just about the only healthy thing she had at the party!)

The afternoon was the real challenge.  Lily fell asleep in the car on the way home but didn't sleep very long. She wanted to be put to bed three times and each time she would just whine and cry in her room after about two minutes.  About 2:40 I decided I needed to exercise since yesterday I was cut short due to Chloe's neediness since she still wasn't feeling good.  So today I got Chloe up from her nap and fed her and made sure she had everything she needed before changing into my exercise clothes.  I put her in her bouncer and she started crying! Well I thought I would start my first song since she usually calms down once the music is playing.  No sooner had I selected my dance playlist than Lily, who had been playing outside, starts screaming.  She had fallen down and skinned her knee! So I had to put a band aid on and make sure she was feeling better.  I gave her a chocolate which cheered her up and started my first song.  Half way through Lily finished her chocolate and started crying again and rolling around the living room floor getting under my feet. So I paused it after my first song and Lily asked to go to bed. So I put her to bed running up and down the stairs three times since she had left her favorite blanket and then teddy bear downstairs.  All the while Chloe is crying in the bouncer because she continually sees me leaving her.  Finally having Lily put to bed I started my second song thinking Chloe would calm down after I started again.  Not so!  Chloe cried through the whole second song! So I pit her back to bed when the second song was over and got Lily out of bed who by this time was screaming her head off.  Back downstairs with. Lily on the couch with her favorite blanket and teddy bear I started my third song and again about half way through, Lily starts crying.  I finished the song and Lily decided she wants some apple juice. So I went to get her some juice and while I was in the kitchen she decided to turn my game off!  Effectively making me lose my place in my routine and having to start over. I told her she didn't get her apple juice now because she was not supposed to touch the iPad while I am using it (she knows this but usually ignores this rule).  So of course she starts screaming at the injustice done to her and I went to pick a new routine.  About 10 seconds into it I shut it off because Lily is still screaming bloody murder and I am so frustrated that it just is not fun anymore.  Lily then informs me she wants to watch Kung Fu Panda. So I turn the movie on and retrieve Chloe from her crib who thankfully has calmed down.

It was right about  now that the desire to eat something hit me full force. I wasn't hungry but I wanted to eat so bad that I went into the kitchen fed Chloe some cheerios and chocolate chips.  Upon realizing that my fruit I bought yesterday is not yet ripe and not wanting to eat another apple, I cooked Chloe's acorn squash.  I hung around the kitchen for another ten minutes before realizing that I wanted to eat because I was so frustrated with the kids and upset that once again this week I was unable to exercise.  I have clocked about 35 minutes of exercise this week due to sickness and kids.  Normally I have two hours in by now.

Since I couldn't eat anything sweet due to my challenge and I can't eat junk food since I have all my points tracked for the day, I finally admitted defeat and left the kitchen without eating anything at all.

The rest of the day has not been any less frustrating but at least Lily should go to bed early tonight.  I also realized how deeply embedded emotional eating is in my brain.  I now have a new topic to research since this is yet another issue I will have to overcome in my quest for a healthy lifestyle and to lose weight and keep it off for good.  If I emotionally eat junk every time I get upset that alone could sabotage the remainder of my weight loss and weight maintenance when that time come.  Because, lets face it!  Life is stressful, and I have known for a long time that I turn to sweets and sugar when I get upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed.  I have thought twice today that I would like to just go take the kids out to Yo Yogurt just so I could relax and calm down, and Lily really likes Yo Yogurt!  But I can't because I am off sugar for 37 days!  (Actually if you count the two weeks before the Harry Potter Party it adds up to 51 days).  So then I am thinking where else could I go?  And you know what.... I couldn't think of a single place to go that didn't involve high fat and high carb pastries, hot chocolate, or ice cream.  Goodness!  This is what my brain thinks when I get stressed?  No wonder why I am overweight and out of shape.  Well, these are the things we need to change, and I am working very hard to change and become a healthier, thinner, more energetic, and happier version of myself.

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