Tuesday, October 8, 2013

My History

I didn't have problems with my weight until I was in 6th grade.  That year my family moved to Arkansas and I was a little sixth grader weighing 100 pounds.  That was 1997-1998 and that was the very first time I went on a diet.  I started the Slim Fast diet to lose weight and substituted my morning and afternoon meals for a slim fast shake.  I remember this being devastating to me since I absolutely loved to eat and I loathed the feeling of being hungry.  As anyone who has been on the Slim Fast diet knows, it is not very satisfying.  Drinking your meals deprives you of the manual process of chewing, which in itself releases releases endorphins.  In addition to this I would run the treadmill for at least 15 minutes a day ( I remember the day my parents took me up to 20 minutes a day and I was so angry at the injustice of having to run an extra 5 minutes.  Oh, how our little minds can blow everything out of proportion).  I would also go out running with my dad.  I can't remember how long I stayed on Slim Fast, I know it wasn't the whole year, but by the time I entered 7th grade I was around 87 pounds.  Of course, being on the Slim Fast diet doesn't teach you squat about how to eat healthy or about portion sizes and I was having a rebellious streak in my desire to get revenge for my parents making me diet.  So I took my allowance and would purchase sweets at school since my mom was on a health kick back home and I of course needed to get my sugar fix.

That lasted all of about two to three weeks as I put on weight fairly quickly and grudgingly admitted to my parents about my secret sugar consumption at school when confronted about it.  So back to the treadmill I went, this time my run was in the morning before I ate breakfast, which as a foodie made me absolutely miserable.  I was used to eating breakfast first thing in the morning and became increasingly more cranky the longer I had to wait.  But I faithfully exercised and my weight stabilized until I hit High School.

My Freshmen year of High School I was 5' 4" (my current height) and weighted 125 pounds (which is my current goal weight), but at the time I of course thought I was fat and wanted to weigh 115 (which looking at the BMI chart would be on the very thin side.  125 is right in the middle).  I had no idea what a BMI was or what all the major food groups were or how to eat healthy, or what a healthy weight was for my height, I just thought I was fat because I had been fat since 6th grade and if I didn't weigh the same as my mom then I was fat.  (My mom is 5' 5" and about 115)  I know I went on several generic diets where I restricted my food intake, but the first fad diet I remember trying is the Atkins Diet, which was all the rage my Sophomore year.  My Sophomore year my weight went up to 135 where it stayed through my Junior year and then after a vacation my weight went up to 145 my Senior year.  All throughout High School I would diet on and off and bemoan the fact that I was fat and gaining weight.  I was in cross country my Sophomore-Senior year (I pulled my calf muscles in my Junior year so I was only the assistant manager for the coach my Senior year).  But I kept on eating too much and always resisted the healthy food that my mom made.  I had a taste for the typical American food: fried, greasy, sweet, and typically unhealthy.  I didn't want to eat baked chicken and vegetables.

So I entered College at 145 and my Freshmen year went up to 155.  I met my now husband my Sophomore year of College at 155 and when he proposed the next year I was 165.  I dieted by restricting my calories and got down to 160 for the vacation to Hawaii my parents planned that year (Christmas 2007). But by the wedding I was back up at 165.

The first three months of my marriage it was over 90 degrees every day and being accustomed to the cooler weather where I live, was unprepared for this heat wave that hit Boulder the Summer of 2008.  Therefore, I spent most of the summer inside in front of the AC and by the fall I was at 175.

That was when I finally learned about BMI and I realized that mine was 30, clinically Obese.  I about died when I learned that and in the spring of 2009 I joined Weight Watchers for the first time.  I tracked my food, and took my portion sizes down, but I did not change the way I ate.  I still ate the same foods, just smaller portions of them.  So I made it to 158 before my husband and I went to go teach English in Korea for a year.  Naturally I went off Weight Watchers because none of the food they eat in Korea is on the Weight Watchers food lists!  I came home from that year pregnant with my oldest daughter Lily and weighing about 190.  By the time Lily was born I was 215 and I decided to try to lose weight again.  I joined Weight Watchers a second time, and made it down to 170 before the holidays hit.  Again I did not change the food that I was eating, just eating less of it and after the first three months the novelty wore off and I started slacking.  I did make it all the way through August before I cancelled my subscription thinking I could do it on my own.  This of course proved to be false.  I gained 15 pounds over the holidays and by that time I was planning on getting pregnant with my second child and was thinking "why bother, if I lose weight now I will just gain it back when I get pregnant again."  So I was 192 when I got pregnant the second time.  At 9 months pregnant with Chloe I was 227, the heaviest I had ever been and absolutely miserable.  Now I was ready to change for good.  So I have joined Weight Watchers for the third and final time, determined this time to change not only how much I eat but what I eat, and make a true lifestyle change once and for all.

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