I hit a major landmark today, one that I have never before made it to: the half way mark. At 168.4 pounds I have lost 43.5 pounds coming down from 211. Now I have 43.5 pounds more to go to make it to 125. I have now entered uncharted territory and I am very excited to finally be on the back side of this journey. I dropped out of the obese phase and I am working my way day by day into the healthy weight range. I have not been at a healthy weight for eight years. Eight years ago I was 145, and that is the very peak of my healthy BMI range (which means I really should be less than that since I am a girl without a lot of muscle). I am coming down with a new perspective on weight, and health. Rewiring my brain to think positively about my body and about myself is ongoing and one of the single most difficult tasks that I have undertaken in this journey.
Since I was 11 years old I have told myself that I am fat, and disgusting. Insulting myself on a daily basis I have cultured a negative self image and low self esteem. I have often wondered over the past few years why I have this feeling of unhappiness when everything in my life really is going well. I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful daughters, we just bought a new home. We do have some financial struggles but that isn't the end of the world. There is plenty to eat (obviously or I wouldn't have this blog!) and life is going well. I realize now, my constant stream of insults I give myself each morning as I look in the mirror is the culprit.
To change the way I think seems almost impossible, because I can't just start complimenting myself or I will just roll my eyes and in the back of my mind is my inner critic saying "yeah right, you don't really believe that". So I need to start out slow, making positive statements that I actually believe such as: I have more energy today than I use to, I am looking better, I can make it up and down the stairs several times without getting winded! I can go from the basement to my bedroom without running my legs burning from the stress! Hallelujah!
Half way there, and I have made many changes, but my journey is not over. I am a little nervous entering this next phase, wondering if it will be harder to lose this half of the weight, but also excited because now I get to burn off the pounds that will carry me to my goal.