Last night Lily woke up because she peed so much she peed through her pullup. So I had to change her clothes, and her bed sheets. Fortunately she went back to sleep pretty quickly and without any fuss. Now I know that I need to make sure she pees before she goes to bed. A short while later Chloe woke up and started screaming, I raced into her room to see what was the matter and nothing was wrong *thank goodness but way to give me a heart attack* she just wanted me to come in and rock her for a minute and then go back to bed. After all this drama, I couldn't fall back asleep and I lied in bed awake with one of those tired headaches (the ones where your eyes are throbbing because you are so tired) until 5:30am when Matt got up. Fortunately a little later after that I was able to fall back asleep and eventually got up at 7:30.
At first I thought that I might get lucky and last nights adventures wouldn't affect me too much today. I went to Zumba class for the first time in a month! I had to use my free birthday class before the 20th or else it would expire. I had a great time at Zumba and I was pretty energetic until just after lunch. I didn't crash, not exactly, my energy just seemed to wane and I lost all motivation to do anything. I got really hungry, started craving sweets and crackers. It was so hard not to blow it today. As it stands I ate some chick pea peanut butter chocolate cookies and zucchini bread as well as rice crackers with hummus. I think I did pretty good minimizing the damage but I was definitely over more today than I have been in the past. My calories say 1810, but there were definitely some tid bits of food that I snitched that are unaccounted for, so my actual calorie intake could be up to 200 calories higher than that, which I still think is pretty good at damage control. At least it's not 3,000 calories over! By 6pm I was spent, the kitchen a mess but absolutely no will to clean it. I suppose the family is lucky that I got dinner made, not that the kids ate it. Chloe is a little bit sick, and Lily, well she is Lily. You have to force feed her unless its cookies and crackers she is eating. I made a really good pasta: spaghetti squash with fire roasted tomatoes and feta cheese. I will have to post the recipe later.
But yes, today was probably the most difficult day I have had so far, and all my snitching made me feel fat and doubt whether I am making any progress. That is the hardest thing about not using the scale, I have no idea if I have made any progress on my weight and I find myself plotting to weigh myself and wondering where I am and then I remember that it has only been two weeks since I weighed in at 146 at the beginning and although about 3 pounds of that was mostly excess junk from not eating well the week before, I am not confident that I have gotten down to 140 yet, I would be absolutely devastated to weigh myself and and have it flash 145, so I am going to have to keep my resolve not to weigh myself for now.
The focus challenge this week is to read my scriptures for at least 30 minutes a day and I am doing absolutely terrible at it. The first day of the week (Friday) I got in 20 minutes and that was all the time I dedicated to it! I noticed that when I do my scripture study I would like it to be quiet and I want to just focus on reading and not have to worry about what the kids are doing, so that basically translates into never and probably is the main reason why I have had such a hard time in the past getting my daily scripture study in. So since I am absolutely failing at this week's challenge I am going to change it as of right now. I am going to switch to no soda for the rest of the week (through next Sunday even though the week restarts on Friday). My soda consumption has gotten out of hand again and I need to curb it. I am sure I have some water retention now due to excess sodium. I feel boated, but maybe I am just getting sick like Chloe. Anyway, I have been stressed and drinking 3- 12 oz diet soda cans a day and that is way too much. I would like to drink no more than one soda per day. At least I have been getting all of my water in every day. So for the rest of the week, no soda!
The good the Bad and the ugly. My personal journey to become healthy, happy, fit, and to attain peace with food and myself.
I think you should pat yourself on the back. At least you picked healthy snacks to eat over your calories on instead of junk. I think it is great that you can give up stuff and stick to it. I have not totally mastered that yet. I have been doing better this week and I am down almost 2 lbs. tha tis 37 pounds total but mine is coming off really slow. This 37 lbs in almost a year. Keep up the good work and hope that you are not getting sick.
ReplyDeleteJenna I hope this difficult day hasn't left you feeling defeated. Weightloss is tough, I love reading your posts, it really inspires me. You're a rock star, and you CAN accomplish ypur goals!
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