A New Me

I think I like Mondays.  I had a great Monday yesterday.  I've discovered that time doesn't flow normally for me.  My days are pretty much the same all week long.  There really is no break and so there is no beginning.  Therefore, there is nothing to dread about Monday like most people dread the start of a new work week or the first day back at school.  Monday for me means Zumba toning, and I have come to really like the Monday morning Zumba toning class.  I really don't like to lift weights, and I really don't like the body pump class, but I love the Zumba toning class.  It's definitely not anywhere near as intense as a body pump class but I was sore last week and I am sore today.  Last week I was really sore in my legs, today I am sore in more concentrated areas and it's not as intense which is nice.  I hate being so sore I can't move.  That motivates no one to go do it again. 

Monday Morning I had a 1,000 yard swim on the schedule which I completed and I even shaved off 3 seconds of my 50 yard swim.  Although I couldn't keep that pace for an extended period of time.  I have noticed that I am using my legs more, kicking harder and therefore my legs are burning more.  I can definitely see the benefit of having strong legs.  I think after the triathlon they will be dead.  I burned 233 calories in 27 minutes of swimming and then rocked it out at Zumba toning and burned another 539.  I ate 1,822 calories and had 430 left over that I didn't eat.  I also haven't been having my typical afternoon slump lately which is awesome.  Maybe it's because I have had things to do.  Yesterday I started the homeschool Preschool program I found online and the kids loved it.  I finally got the calendar laminated and all ready to go just in time.  I think the Calendar was one of their favorite parts.

Aren't they so cute!  Chloe was in and out of the activities which is totally fine, she is only 2 and there are lots of other toys and books and things for her to do in that room while Lily and I work on other school stuff.  But she would be so sad if she were left out, besides it's good for her to get exposed to the alphabet, she doesn't know it at all.  The crazy thing is Lily has known the alphabet since she was Chloe's age!  She is one smart cookie. 

Here are some other super cute pictures of our preschool activities from yesterday and today.

And probably my very favorite photos was of the movement activity where we made our bodies look like the letter A.  The kids found it fascinating and I found it incredibly cute.

Today I took my bike out for an actually bike ride for the first time in over 6 years.  I want to get as many bike rides outside as I can before the tri since it will be a mountain biking segment.  I went out for 30 minutes and I was so wobbly at first!  I couldn't hardly stay on the sidewalk to get over to the greenbelt.  After about 2 minutes I was doing much better but I had to figure out all the gears again.  Riding outside is definitely different than riding a stationary bike inside.  I burned 244 calories in 30 minutes riding outside on fairly level ground.  I really tried to push myself (not too hard since it was supposed to be an easy ride, but since there weren't really any hills I thought I was doing fine with my pace).  And managed to keep my heart rate around 140 for most of the ride.  My average however was 135 and my max was 157 when I was going up that one hill.

Maybe I have finally found a purpose, maybe I have finally rediscovered my why, I'm not sure what happened (which I know is of absolutely no use to you) but the last week and a half since I started training has just been great.  I have been excited for my workouts, I have been tracking everything and I have been staying within my calorie range, often not even eating all my workout calories because I just wasn't hungry.  I definitely think that being sick to my stomach for a while has had an effect on my decreased appetite.  I hope that once I get all better again I don't start going crazy with food again.  I haven't been obsessing over my weight, I haven't been weighing every day.  The thought will cross my mind "I wonder what I weigh now" but then I remind myself it's not weigh in day and besides that, it's not really all that important anyway.  What is important is that I eat right and that I am doing the very best I can in every training session.  I am still struggling to eat enough vegetables.  Today I ate 1,680 calories and the only vegetables I managed to eat were the onions in my fajitas.  Not very stellar. 

I did eat some cheesecake today, my first real dessert since I started training.  Which is amazing given my history of sugar obsession.  I just haven't wanted to waste the calories on it.  I weighed out my cheesecake: 4 oz.  I didn't seem like a lot on the plate since I am used to eating large slices of dessert, but it was enough and I couldn't even finish it.  I think my stomach is still a little upset, either that or my week and a half of hardly no desserts has already altered my senses.  But that doesn't seem right because I have gone off sugar for two and three weeks before only to binge on it later.  Maybe it's because this time it's not off limits.  I can eat it if I want to, I even usually have extra calories to spend on it if I wanted to... I just don't want to. 

Something weird is definitely going on.  I wish I could identify it, and I'm terrified that things will just go back to the way they were.  It's like everything I've been praying for for the last 3 years has been granted.  I feel more purposeful and like I am interacting with the kids and teaching them not just surviving.  I have more energy throughout the day, my afternoon energy crashes are really minimal, unlike the ones that left me passed out on the couch.  My food is under control, and even my thoughts.  I'm happier with myself, and my body.  I know I want to lose weight but I also know that it isn't going to happen overnight and I am okay with where I am at now.  I know I will continue to make progress since I am doing the things that are right.  I'm not doing anything extreme, it definitely feels sustainable.  I can't say I'm content because I am still moving forward.

Looking at recent events in my life the only things that have changed is that I started a homeschool preschool program and I started my triathlon training.  The thing that is similar between both of these things is a schedule.  I have been living with no schedule since Lily was born.  Is it possible my life just needed a schedule?  I tried several times to develop a sort of schedule but the kids were really just too little.  It's certainly something to keep in mind as these programs will both end, and if that is key: having an exercise schedule and having a schedule with the kids, I will need to figure out what to do next and make sure I always have a schedule from here on out.  Although I'm terrified that everything will suddenly revert back to the way it was, or the "old me" I am excited for the future because this new me is definitely worth fighting for.