Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Busy Days

Now is about the time when I start to realize that I can't do everything every day.  I have now gotten to the point where I have added so many things into my day that I just can't fit everything in there.  Which I think is a good thing, it gives me variety and makes sure we are not doing the same thing every day.  Between preschool, music time, story time, reading time, going to the gym, cleaning the house, cooking, taking the kids to activities like going to the zoo or going to the park etc. daily scripture study, playing my flute.... wow, that is a lot of things.  And the list goes on, there is Chloe's ABC time and number time, playing board games.  There are so many things to do.  My life finally feels like it is picking up and I finally feel like my life has purpose and meaning.  Because I gave it meaning.   I gave it a purpose.  I have let go of my identity as someone who is worthless and who can't do anything, and someone who needs to lose weight to be of any value and I have been eating healthier and therefore have more energy and I have moved myself into a place where I feel good about myself.  It has been hard to get over my problems with hating myself and it has taken a lot of mental self talk to tell myself that I really do have worth. It also took action.  I had to start doing things, I had to succeed at something, and launch myself into a better and healthier place.

On Saturday we went to the happy apple farm and picked a pumpkin and some raspberries.  They didn't have any apples because they had a frost that killed a lot of the blossoms and then they had a bad hail storm that destroyed a bunch of apples.
 We took the kids on the hay ride, and they really loved that.  Yesterday we drove to the top of Pikes Peak and the kids had a good time going up the mountain.  We stopped a few times to get out and hike around and we had a picnic (when we were still in the trees) it was pretty cold on top and we didn't stay up there too long.  There wasn't much to do at the top except sight see.  Not any trails we could see, but the kids were pretty cold anyway.  It was really windy up there.

I have been feeling pretty good with my eating.  At the beginning of last week I was 149 after coming off of eating a little too much in the way of popcorn and eating out.  Sunday I weighed 147.6 and I am happy with that especially since the first two days of the week were not good eating days.  Tuesday and Wednesday were the hardest days, getting back on track with healthy eating.  I really had to fight the sugar demon on those days, but now I'm feeling pretty good again.  My energy is pretty high again and it is much easier to avoid sugar again now that I have not been eating it for a week.  I made Matt some chocolate zucchini bread last night and didn't have any or even taste the batter.  There were free samples of cookies at the store today and I didn't eat one, didn't even feel like I wanted to eat one (they were probably stale anyway which is why they had free samples for those cookies when they usually don't).  

I've given up my fitbit.  I don't need it anymore because I know for a fact that I get in over 10,000 steps every day.  My weekly average for the past 8 months has been 100,000 steps.  But it also signifies a change in my mentality.  I am still working out of course, but my focus is changing from trying to lose weight by working out like a crazy person to trying to live a healthy life by changing the what and how I eat.  I'm more focused on the food portion than I am on the workout portion.  That being said, I still went to the gym today and ran for an hour and then did bodyflow to stretch out.  I am by no means abandoning my exercise, I just know that I don't need to wear my fitbit because I know I get in enough exercise, I don't need to track my steps anymore.  I know I'm an active person.  

The other day I made a really good Thai Shrimp Curry and had rice on the side.  Matt loved it, especially with the rice.  
It has bell peppers in it and I usually don't like bell peppers especially in that large of chunks, but this was just amazing.  I am enjoying discovering new healthy foods and finally getting away from cooking with cream cheese, and canned soup.  I'm staying away from processed foods like chips and crackers as much as I can, those are all foods without breaks for me.  I can just sit down and eat a whole family size bag of chips, or half a box of crackers in one go.  

I try not to obsess over getting down to 145, but I am so close it is hard not to think about it.  When I catch myself obsessing over my weight like I used to, I will stop myself and say "lets go do something else".  I do the same thing if I'm thinking about snacking endlessly in the afternoon when I know I don't really need to eat.  It has been good for me to get more things done in the day instead of sitting around eating or sitting around bemoaning the fact that I'm not a few pounds lighter.  I will usually go do something with the kids, or go play my flute and that is much more productive.  So you should now know what the absolute hardest time of day is for me to control my thoughts.  That would be when I'm in bed trying to fall asleep at night.  It gets so hard not to dwell on weight loss and body image when there is nothing to distract me.  Often I'm so busy trying not to think about weight loss that I can't fall asleep because I'm thinking about too many other things.  And before you say it, no, thinking about weight loss will not help me fall asleep, it will just make me antsy and feel like I need to go workout some more so I can lose weight this week.  

Today was a very busy day, in the morning I made breakfast for four people, cleaned it up, then did scripture study with the kids and then immediately got them and myself ready to go and off we went to the Gym where I ran and then did Bodyflow.  From the gym we went to the grocery store and did the shopping for the week, and when we got home it was putting groceries away, feeding the kids and myself, cleaning the kitchen, sweep and mop the kitchen floors, go take a shower, *phew* Now it's time for the kids to get a snack, and lets do ABC and number time with the kids so Chloe can get more ABC practice.  Ok, now it's time to get the mail and start dinner.  Mom comes over right after I start making dinner and she helps make dinner and then we all eat, and then I do her nails while the kids watch some TV.  Matt comes home, feed Matt, finish nails.  Mom leaves, clean kitchen again, put kids to bed and now blog.  And tonight I need to work on a new music routine for the kids and look up new Whole 30 recipes as I feel like my stash of healthy recipes has been made several times and it is time for something new.  

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