Sugar and desserts, and sweets have been on my mind a lot lately. I was hoping that over the past few months I would be able to find a healthy relationship with desserts but over the past few days I have been very stressed because Lily has been stool holding again, which makes everyone miserable. I have had a hard time controlling myself. Whenever I binge it always involves sugar and desserts, and I have always had a hard time staying in control, staying aware of what I am doing, and it always seems like one piece or one serving is never enough. Then I started thinking about how I feel when I eat sugar. I created a pretty long list of things I feel when I eat sugar:
- Sick to my stomach
- Lightheaded
- Headache
- Unmotivated
- Tired
- Lethargic
- Out of control
- Depressed
- Angry with myself
- Weak
- Wanting to eat more unhealthy food
- Wanting to eat more sugar
- Wanting to skip workouts
- Wanting to sleep
- Avoiding the kids due to tiredness
Not a very positive list. So after much thinking, I have decided to cut it out indefinitely. No ifs, ands, or buts. No exceptions, or cheat days. I'm going to try to get food that doesn't have added sugar in it but that is not my primary focus. My primary focus is all the sweet things I gravitate towards: cookies, cake, ice cream, brownies, pie, cobbler, candy. I can't trust myself around these things. They are hindering my progress, making me feel like crap, and I always binge on them. About a year ago I did a 30 day experiment to see if I could give up sugar for that amount of time. I called it "pulling my sweet tooth" Obviously it didn't stick. I realize now that I was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons. Then I wanted to go off sweets so that I could lose weight. Now I want to go off sweets so I can be healthier, mentally and physically and be a better person. I'm not expecting it to be easy, I am hoping that it will get easier over time, but I do believe that it will be worth it.
I wish you luck. I wish that you and I were able to support each other better than just by the blog. I really need a buddy that helps keep me motivated. I do so much better when I have the proper support in my life. I know your struggles and I to would love to give up sugar. I crave it everyday. I am sitting here right now thinking what could I fix sweet? I wish you again all the luck with this. I could try but I am so sure I would fail at this.
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