Monday, October 27, 2014

Sweet 16

I decided to clean my house today, mostly because my sister turns 16 today and we threw her a surprise Birthday Party at my house!  It all was pretty busy today since I had to go pick up balloons, Ice Cream Cake, and run a few other errands like getting church shoes for my younger girl because of course we don't have any of Lily's old shoes that fit her.  Turns out she is a size six and we have size 5 and size 7.  She picked out Frozen shoes of course.  They are cute.  Flats that are silver with little sparkles on the toes.  I think they will look nice and they will be easier to walk in than the little heels they have on the more formal little girls shoes.  I don't know whose idea it was to put heels on toddler shoes. 

I felt sick all morning, but that didn't stop me from getting the house tidied up.  (I did start feeling better at about 1pm)  Lets see, there was the laundry, sweeping the floor, cleaning the bathrooms, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming the carpets, tidying up the living room and cleaning off the mantle and top of the entertainment center, cleaning all the yogurt and food off of the chairs, cleaning off the table so I could put the party tablecloth and balloons and presents and cake on it.  I finished everything I needed to to at about 3:45 and then got ready for my..... Half Size Me Interview!  Woo Hoo!  Heather, the host of my now favorite podcast (on account of it is the only podcast I listen to) contacted me a while back and asked if I wanted to interview for the show.  I was pretty nervous as the time came closer to interview but I got over my nerves pretty quickly after we started talking.  Heather is really easy and fun to talk to and I really enjoyed talking.  I did feel a little nervous going so much into my past with my parents, mostly my mom making me diet and exercise back in 6th grade, but I knew that I had to tell the truth and I had to tell my whole story and that time was when it all started and is a huge contributing factor to the rest of my past.  The interview won't air until January so it's going to be a while. 

I've been thinking a lot about food of course as I usually do.  This morning I was feeling queasy and when I opened up the fridge the thing that called out to me was the strawberry cheesecake pancakes I had made for breakfast yesterday.  I stood there and started to think to myself.  Why do I want to eat those so badly?  Goodness knows my stomach and my body doesn't want them.  Why am I so programmed to jump for sugar?  It is so frustrating.  Here I am feeling sick and mentally I am wanting to eat something sweet that will probably make me feel even sicker.  I remember one time growing up when I had the flu and I ate a packet of sweet tarts and then promptly threw them up.  I ate them because I saw them.  My body didn't want them, but I mentally wanted them.  Why?  This is the thing that is the most perplexing to me.  It is also the thing that I have not been able to resolve for myself.  I feel like I am programmed to automatically reach for sugar.  After lunch I want a treat, after dinner I want a treat.  In the afternoon I want a treat.  I feel like my body is craving sugar all the time.  When I get hungry the first thing I want is something sweet.  Since I have not been eating sweets, I have loaded up on refined carbs, eating crackers and chips in place of sweets.  A better replacement would be fruit or veggies.  I am not entirely sure how to tackle this beast, and a lot of books on the topic are usually pretty harsh calling sugar a poison and saying that we should cut it out of our diet all together.  But I really don't want to do that.  Sugar is a part of our culture, our society, our life.  Take today for example, Ice Cream Cake at a birthday party.  Cake at a wedding, desserts at every holiday, family gathering, event, activity.  You name it, food and desserts are a part of it.  How do we navigate this?  How do we stop ourselves from binging around these foods?  Is it even possible for someone like me to have a healthy relationship with desserts?  The answer: honestly..... I don't know.

To end on a light note, here are a few pictures from tonight's birthday party with my sister.  She was super surprised and we had a great time.  The kids were a little fussy and had to be put to bed in the middle of it, fortunately though they went to bed easily.  Also, I did have a piece of birthday cake since it was Blizzard Ice Cream cake from DQ.  But that does not mean that I have given myself a free for all pass, in fact I am going to stay away from all desserts for another good long stretch.  Maybe until Thanksgiving or another big event comes up where something irresistible is available.  So maybe I am making progress in this area after all.

Lily couldn't hardly stand not opening the presents. 

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