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Today I want to update you on my sugar free goings on over the past few days. I thought that I would feel nervous, frightened, or maybe even upset. What I didn't expect to feel is relief. But that is the feeling that I have been having over the past two days. I am so relieved that there is an entire food group: sugar, that I no longer have to worry about. I used to worry about whether or not to buy candy in the checkout line, complaining that I never got to our couldn't. Always avoiding the candy isle because that was the forbidden isle. I would be all consumed in eating desserts, getting as much as I could and wondering when the next time I would get something sweet would be. Wondering if I should order dessert with my meal, or get an ice cream at the mall, feel deprived if I didn't and feel guilty if I did. I would worry about not being able to stop eating, worry at social events that I would look like a pig because I was eating too much. Never feeling like I had enough until it was too late and I had eaten too much and my stomach ached. Sugar was always involved during a binge, and eating sugar just made me want to eat more sugar and eat more unhealthy food. Whenever I ate it I never wanted to eat anything healthy the rest of the day, it was a really weird feeling and definitely not conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Now I just don't have to worry about any of that anymore because I simply will just say no, I am not eating those foods any longer. I don't need to worry about it any more, those foods can't hold any power over me any longer. I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe again.
Today when my husband asked me to make him brownies, I didn't even want to eat the batter, I simply thought to myself "that is one giant bowl of stomachache". And I didn't even lick the spoon, spatula, or even a finger. After they were baked there was a moment when I was getting my kids a piece where I thought I kind of wanted a piece. But then I thought, if I eat one piece, I will want another, and then another, and then another and soon I will be stuffed with brownies and feel sick all night. After that, I didn't want any. I found it surprisingly easy to say no to the brownies today. I do not know if that will be true tomorrow, or a week from today. I hope it is. The way to make lasting change is to change from the inside out and I genuinely want to make this change. For the first time, I genuinely want to give up sugar to feel better, look better, and be happier.