Surprised

I have surprised myself several times over the past few days with things I have done or the way I have felt.  It is amazing to me the mental shift that has happened in my mind.  I never thought that I would be able to think like this and start to develop a normal and healthy relationship with food.  First of all on Sunday night I made an amazing butternut squash kale lasagna ( I will have to post the recipe soon).  After I finished my food I was about to get a second helping and in mid scoop I thought "why am I getting seconds? I'm not hungry, I don't need this food, and I don't really really want it". So I put it back and didn't have seconds! I was able to listen to my body instead of listening to my head, and I didn't feel deprived or hungry.  It was an amazing experience.  Yesterday I wanted to go to spin class in the morning but Chloe has been sick and I knew I couldn't take her into daycare so I had to wait until my husband would be home to stay with her.  Instead of doing spin I really wanted to see if I could run a 5k, just to see if I could do it.  I also wanted to get in some swim practice.  Well, the Broncos won last weekend (yea!) and we get 50% off papa johns pizza when they win, so Matt wanted pizza for lunch.  I love love love pizza but I kept thinking about how I would feel trying to run a 5k with all that pizza in my stomach.  I know exactly how pizza makes me feel and it isn't good for working out. I probably would have puked or just have to stop running if I ate pizza.  So I was thinking of eating just one piece but then I decided I didn't want to chance it and besides there is about 450 calories in one piece of pizza and I started thinking off all the things I could eat for 450 calories.  In the end I just decided to forgo the pizza, and I wasn't really tempted to eat it because I kept thinking how sick I would feel running with pizza in me.

I was able to complete my 5k and I only walked about 5 minutes of it! (A warm up and cool down) the last mile was really hard and I almost had to stop at the last half mile but I made it!  I ran at 5.3 mph which is an 11:20 min/mi pace.  I was super proud of myself. I was even able to do my swim workout afterwards (800 yards total which took me 32 minutes).  I felt really good about my accomplishment and very tired.  When I got home I ate a gigantic apple and some string cheese.  I had leftover lasagna and mashed cauliflower for dinner.   By the way, everyone lies, mashed cauliflower does not taste exactly like mashed potatoes.  I don't think they taste bad, just different.  Anyway, we got some new couches yesterday.  Woohoo!

So we decided to celebrate by watching The Hobbit.  We only watched the first half of  the movie because I didn't want to stay up until midnight.  I thought that this occasion warranted some popcorn so I popped some in coconut oil and another amazing thing happened.  I stopped eating it before it was gone!  And I didn't want any more and I wasn't tempted to eat the remainder of it.  I was really surprised by that.

Now I'm not trying to make myself out to look better than I am, but I am excited with the progress that I have made.  I know I still have a lot to work on.  Today I was really stressed and the kids were really difficult today, mostly my youngest who was really whiny and threw several tantrums today.  I definitely stress ate today, but I did keep my resolve to not eat any desserts or candy.  Because of that I am sure I saved myself thousands of calories.  I didn't eat half as well as I would have liked to today, but I didn't eat any cookies at the Pampered Chef team meeting tonight (we were doing training on cookie station shows so we had about five different kinds of cookies there), I didn't eat any of the pumpkin brownies that I made for my husband last night, and I didn't eat any of the chocolate covered acai/blueberries that I got from Costco last month.  I know the damage could have been a lot worse.  The stress was made worse today because I couldn't go to the gym, Chloe still isn't feeling the greatest and I didn't want to stress her out or pass around germs, so my alternative coping mechanism was not available.  I suppose I could have popped in an exercise DVD but I was cardio exhausted since I did an extensive cardio workout yesterday.  I really wanted to go to a yoga type class, but I definitely don't have anything like that at home.  Well, tomorrow is a new day and hopefully the kids will be happier, and I am going to make sure my eating is back on track.  I don't feel too good now, I can definitely tell my eating wasn't that good today.  But instead of leaving on a sad note, I will bring the focus back to my healthy choices and state that I am amazed at the progress I have been able to make and very proud of myself.  And that is an amazing thing, to feel proud of myself instead of upset with myself is definitely a different mindset.