Friday, July 31, 2015

Worth It

I don't do well when left to my on musings.  I tend to dwell on negative thoughts and it can be very difficult to get myself onto a more positive thinking track.  I've been dwelling on my doubts and wondering if I have really lost much weight, and I have to keep reminding myself that it has only been three weeks.  I am not going to lose 20 pounds in three weeks.  And a lifetime of dysfunctional eating is not going to be solved in three weeks.  I really wanted to snack on goldfish and animal crackers.  That's what the kids were eating.  Around lunch I really had a hankering for Chicken Mole, which is probably not on plan.  I'm not sure how much sugar is in the mole sauce but I'm sure there is some, and it's served with beans and rice anyway so I should just stay away.  I was also thinking that it's been a while since I took the kids to noodles and co. and wanted to go there but they are just going to have to wait because I'm not taking any chances with noodles and co, even if I get the buff bowl where they removed all the noodles.  You never know what is in the marinade.  It will be a lot easier to eat out after reintroduction and I don't have to worry about soy sneaking into my marinade. 

I've also been looking longingly at the scale on the bathroom floor in the morning, but I have been good and I am not going to step on it until I am on day 31.  I am still getting tired in the afternoon but not so tired that I think I am going to collapse.  Today I colored with Lily and we played some board games while Chloe took a nap.  We went to the gym in the afternoon and I swam a mile for my tri practice.  It took me 43 minutes with breaks which I figure means it will take me about 40 minutes without breaks.  I have three more weeks to practice as I'm running tomorrow.  My calf muscles being so sore really threw my schedule for a loop and I just did the best I could.  After swimming I went to a bodyflow class which is like yoga but it mixes a lot of styles.  You have strength, stretch, meditation, tai chi, twists, and the like.  I enjoyed it much more than last weeks gentle yoga class.  I know I need to spend more time stretching, and strength training.  After bodyflow my calf muscles felt good enough that I could finally walk normally again, which is a good thing since I'm running tomorrow morning. 

My brain keeps trying to pull me back into old habits, and it is really hard to ignore.  I try to think about how my body feels in those moments and ask if my body wants to eat cookies and crackers, and it's always no.  My brain just wants to eat those things because that is how I used to reward myself. 

Changing is going to be hard, it's going to take a while, but it is going to be worth it. 

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