My cravings, while not gone have lessened and I realized another thing: it doesn't matter how many times you give in, you will always want more. Giving in will not lessen your desire for that food any less. Eating everything in sight will not make you less likely to binge again. No matter how much candy you eat or how many cookies or how much cake, you will always want more. It might be a day later or a week later but cravings will always come. You have to learn how to deal with cravings, you have to learn how to live around and navigate sweet foods without losing yourself to them. They are everywhere in our society and if you give in every time something is offered or available... well there is a reason why I got so fat in the first place. The only way for me to overcome my food addiction is to learn to live without it. It was very hard, and I expect it will continue to be very hard for a long time. 20 years of eating habits don't just disappear in thirty days. But through fighting those battles, I become stronger and slowly over time I know I will be able to navigate the food world a little easier.
So what happens now? Now that my 30 days are up, I'm not planning on changing much. I'm doing a slow roll reintroduction, I think tomorrow I'm going to add some baked beans to my lunch and dinner and see how my body handles that. Then I go back to Whole 30 for two days, and on Thursday I can add something else from the legume section. I'm thinking black beans or soy. Doing a very slow reintroduction will help me evaluate each food I add back in separately as well as give me more time on Whole 30 practicing healthier eating, and growing stronger in my ability to say no to sweets and other carbs. When you are happy with the way you feel and look, it is easier to eat a certain way. Regardless of what the scale says tomorrow, tonight I feel good about myself. Tonight I feel like I have made progress, tonight I feel like I have been losing weight and I think I really do look thinner. Tonight, I am filled with hope.